Heavy Hearts
by Simply Sarah
Summary: Nicole and Chase discover a friendship. And oh how they wished it was that simple. Instead, they have heavy hearts piling up on them. –This is the saga of their relationship, told in eight parts-
1. Part I

**A/N: **I know what you're thinking. First, what the hell am I doing starting something new? Second, Nicole/Chase, really?

To answer your first question, I'm feeling restless (job hunting is going poorly) and I've found myself oddly excited about this story. Plus, I am trying to write **Discovering Us**. The unfortunate problem of it at the moment is that the detailed outline for it is God knows where- it was in my suitcase on my way back from Italy and no one seems to know where my suitcase is. It's been 13 days, but I'm still trying to hope for the best. Writing without my outline is proving challenging. I'm constantly second guessing everything thinking, "Was that what I meant to do?" "If this is wrong will it throw off everything else I had planned for the story?" Frustrating, but I'm slowly working through it.

In the mean time, and to answer your second question, I've become enthralled by the idea of Nicole and Chase ever since I briefly gave them potential in **Stay-** which this is a companion piece to, but Stay doesn't need to be read for this to make sense** except to know that Nicole returned to PCA for senior year** (though I recommend reading it anyway, especially if you like DL). Why Nicole with Chase? It just occurred to me that given the right circumstances they could be exactly what each other is looking for and a story was born from there.

This was originally intended to be a one-shot, but as I just started writing part five I realized I was on page 47 and from my experience with Stay I realized people aren't crazy about insanely long one-shots. Since this is seven parts (therefore a prime number) I didn't feel good about any combination of splits other than a seven way. So, the first two chapters are the build/background, the climax is the third through the sixth, and the resolve in seven. What I'm saying is please give it a chance to capture you.

And yes, if you've read everything above then you did catch that I do have more of this already written (part way through part 5) so updates should be unusually quick for me on this.

If you've made it through all that, **Congratulations!** Now, I will finally shut up and let you get on with the story.

**Disclaimer:** Yeah, I own it. That's why I'm desperately searching for a job as a high school history teacher. Wait….that's not right. Not mine (just the plot).

* * *

**Summary:** Nicole and Chase discover a friendship. And oh how they wished it was that simple. Instead, they have heavy hearts piling up on them. –This is the saga of their relationship, told in seven parts-

* * *

**Heavy Hearts

* * *

**

**I. The world got smashed to pieces and put back together the wrong way**

Chase never expected that he'd be spending the night of his senior prom alone in his room, but that was exactly how he spent it.

Until eleven fifteen that is, when a beautiful brunette in a long magenta v-neck halter gown came floating through the door.

"Wow," he breathed, unable to articulate any other words, for no others were forming in his mind upon the sight of her.

"I know, right?" she agreed as came over and sat down next to him on his couch with a sigh. "You'd think that looking this great would keep my date's attention for at least three hours, but of course not."

"What happened?" he asked, genuinely interested in something prom related for the first time in the last three weeks.

"Got drunk, passed out," she answered simply.

Chase didn't understand how that could happen given the prom was a school supervised event. So, he began, "How-"

But Nicole caught on and cut him off, "He brought a flask…well, a few flasks."

"Classy," Chase commented sarcastically.

"Oh yeah, I sure know how to pick 'em," Nicole continued self-deprecatingly.

They settled into a comfortable silence, the type of silence that had become common to them due to the great amount of time they seemed to find themselves hanging out alone together lately.

Chase had found a marathon of old _Dawson's Creek_ episodes on and had long since settled on watching them. Teenaged angst felt appropriate given the current situation. Plus, watching the problems of Dawson, his rollercoaster relationship with Joey, her falling for his best friend Pacey; it was all a nice distraction for a while.

Nicole smiled as she realized that she not only got lucky enough that the episode currently on happened to be the one where Pacey first kissed Joey, but that it was only seconds away. She couldn't resist an "aw" as soon as it happened. She had always been a PJ fan.

She glanced over at Chase. He didn't seem at all thrilled like she was to see the infamous relationship being. She would have brushed it off that no one got as excited about things that happen in re-runs as her, but she had come to know Chase better than that. His mind was far from Capeside. She waited for him to confirm what she already knew he was thinking about.

It wasn't long before he did just that by asking, "Did she have a good time?"

Nicole knew what was being asked and she hated that she had to answer. But Chase needed to hear that Zoey had moved on, because though it was clear before Zoey even finally officially and forever broke up with him that they didn't belong together, Chase still had a difficult time accepting it.

"Yes," she responded regretfully.

"Did she-" he paused, he needed to know, he needed it, but that didn't make it any easier. He mustered up his courage and forced himself to ask, "Where was she when you left?"

"Adam got them a hotel room, they left about thirty minutes before I did," Nicole confessed even though she hated to. Not only did Nicole know Chase needed to hear the truth, she also wasn't going to lie to him-he got far too much of that from Zoey, not intentionally, but still...

Chase sighed as the ache in his chest grew at the confirmation of what he had already suspected. She had completely moved on and she meant it when she said it was really over this time. He knew each time she had taken him back they were a little bit more miserable together and their next break up was a little bit worse. But still, it was difficult to believe it was over.

"I'm Dawson," he said suddenly, hopelessly.

"What?" Nicole asked, completely confused.

"I'm Dawson," he repeated, "My soul mate is a girl I fell in love with when I was 14 and I'm not going to end up with her. I'm Dawson to her Joey."

"No you're not," Nicole responded adamantly, "You're Joey." Claiming Chase was the girl in the situation left him utterly confused, which Nicole could tell. She explained, "We're all Joey's. We're just looking for the right person and on our way we meet Dawson's who seem right and who we want to be right and who we fall for temporarily, but ultimately they're not right. And what we're all really looking for is our Pacey, and I think we're both going to meet our Pacey's someday."

Chase looked thoughtful as he replied, "So, _I'm_ Joey, _Zoey's_ my Dawson, and my Pacey's out there somewhere?"

"Yep," Nicole confirmed.

"Hmm," Chase said considering it. He smiled and concluded, "You know, I really like that idea. It's optimistic."

"You should be optimistic. You're going to meet someone great someday," Nicole assured, "Except when you find your Pacey you're never going to let them go, because you know better, you've seen seasons five and six of _Dawson's Creek _and you don't want to go through that crap."

Chase laughed, "Of course."

They settled into a comfortable silence again until Chase realized he wasn't the only one having a bad night. He returned the favor she had paid him and said with a glance to her, "You know, you're going to find your Pacey too, some guy who would never want to be without you."

"Yeah," Nicole agreed with a smile, hoping that he was right, trying to convince herself that she had faith. "And hopefully, he'll look like Joshua Jackson."

-o-o-o-

Nicole called Chase everyday of summer.

For the first few weeks their conversations were a bit awkward. She had never called him before the first day of summer and though they had always easily talked when they were together, it had always been about something going on. She didn't want to bring up Zoey. He didn't want to talk about how he was still thinking about Zoey. So, for the first week and a half their phone conversations usually consisted of them discussing one of the things one of them had recently watched on TV, celebrity gossip, or why Logan ditched senior trip- the events of which they didn't talk about since Chase barely survived being around Zoey (who was trying to be friendly towards him for the sake of their friends and who he was trying to be friendly to in return, but it just hurt too much).

Prompted by an article on MSN on the second Thursday of summer, they were discussing what celebrity couple had the cutest kid(s), when Chase heard giggling coming from the other end of the line, but clearly not from Nicole. He asked, "What's going on at your house? Who is that?"

"Oh, that's my mom," she responded offhandedly, "it's a Thursday and on Thursdays after dinner my dad puts on some randomly chosen song and asks her to dance. He waltzes her around the house, dips her in the hall, twirls her in the kitchen." She sighed and added thoughtfully, "I guess it's why I'm so convinced that movie romance exists in real life. It's what my parents have."

"Mine too," Chase added wistfully, "Every Saturday night my mom makes my dad his favorite dinner-spaghetti with her own sauce- and he brings her flowers. He said that when they were first married they didn't have a lot of money so he used to pick the flowers from anywhere he could. And my mom's spaghetti is still his favorite dish because it's what she's been making him the longest and the reason why he started stealing flowers in the first place. Spaghetti was economically reasonable and they used to eat it almost every night and she used to worry that he would get tired of it and she seemed so distressed over it that one Saturday night he went out and picked her flowers, came home to their crappy little apartment, and told her that he'd eat cardboard with her every night if it meant he could eat it with her. And still now, he brings her flowers and gives them to her saying things like he had to buy them for her because they were so beautiful that they reminded him of her."

Nicole sighed and admitted, "I want that."

"Me too," Chase agreed, "I mean, I know it sounds kind of cheesy, all the stuff my parents say to each other and do for each other, but I still want to find something exactly like what they have."

"Well, I'm sure our Pacey's will be like that. Into the romance and everything, I mean, they'd have to be if they were our Pacey's," Nicole reasoned. And before Chase could respond she had a thought and asked eagerly, "Oh, what's the most romantic thing you've ever heard or seen? I mean, I know a ton of good lines and moments and I remember them because I'm a romantic, but now I'm positive you are too so you have to have some."

"Hmm…" Chase pondered, "That's a difficult question. You're right; I remember tons of good stuff. But the most romantic thing? I don't know." He continued to consider it for a few seconds before finally responding, "I guess one of my favorite things has always been the lyrics to a song I've heard my parents listen to, the kind of thing my mom plays in the car. It's called, "That's All." Have you heard of it?"

"Is it that song Adam Sandler sings at the bar-mitzvah in _The Wedding Singer_?" Nicole inquired, easily recalling that she had like that particular song in that movie and it had had the words "that's all" in it.

"Yeah," He confirmed, "My mom usually listens to the Mel Torme version, but it's the same song."

She remembered bits of it and she had sat down at her computer to look up the lyrics, but they were on a role, completely void of awkward moments with this topic so she decided to keep it going. She asked, "How does it go again?"

Chase cleared his throat. The thought suddenly struck him that he shouldn't know off hand, how embarrassing would that be? But then again this was Nicole he was talking to and he felt really comfortable telling her stuff. So, he responded, "I can only give you love that lasts forever, and promise to be near each time you call. And the only heart I own for you and you alone, that's all, that's all. I can only give you country walks in springtime and a hand to hold when leaves begin to fall; and a love whose burning light will warm a winter's night, that's all, that's all. There are those who I am sure who have told you they would give you the world for a toy. All I have are these arms to enfold you. And a love that time can never destroy. If you're wondering what I'm asking in return dear, you'll be glad to know my demands are small. Say it's me you'll adore, for now and ever more, that's all, that's all."

He had said the words with such conviction, like he actually believed in them, and by the end Nicole found her eyes damp and her nose in need of the attention of a tissue. For a very brief moment she had let herself think that the words were actually meant for her, from him, and she had the fleeting thought of how nice it would be if that were true.

Chase sighed a little after he finished and reasoned, "I guess I just always hoped that love would be as simple as that song. If you really wanted to be with someone, loving them would be enough, and that's all, everything would just be perfect."

"Me too," Nicole agreed, but she had a feeling that they were both wrong and love would never be so simple.

-o-o-o-

Sometimes, she calls him and starts talking as if they're already in the middle of a conversation. Somehow though, it works for them.

"So my sister walks into my bedroom this morning, without knocking again, and she starts accusing me of stealing her pink and white polka dot headband, which I absolutely didn't, I swear. So we argue for an hour and guess what happened?"

"You recently found the headband?" Chase guessed, smiling because his daily call from Nicole had become the only good thing about any day. His summer job sucked. Why did Wendy's have to be the only place in town hiring? And why did everyone else who worked there have to be so incompetent?

Nicole sighed and replied, "In my car. But I know I never borrowed it. I may have a lot of pink, but nothing this exact shade. So I couldn't have borrowed it because I have nothing to go with it. She must have found it since our fight and realized she was wrong, but instead of showing some maturity and apologizing, she planted it under the seat in my car."

"Well, look on the bright side," Chase suggested.

"What's that?" Nicole was quick to question.

"In two more weeks you'll be a couple thousand miles away from her again," Chase reminded.

"Right," Nicole agreed, "Thanks for the reminder. That's the best thing I've heard all week."

"You know, this is like a milestone for us," Chase commented.

"What?" Nicole questioned, her heart fluttering ever so briefly at all the possible things he could mean.

"It's the first time you've called me in the last month, possibly all summer, that you haven't started off by telling me about some guy you met or saw on TV or in a movie," Chase answered. He didn't know why he noticed, probably because it was such an evident pattern, but he did notice. Everyday she would call him, and it would be the best part of almost every day, and she'd always tell him about some guy she met at the grocery store or what new celebrity crush she had developed.

"That's totally not true," Nicole denied, "I do not begin every conversation talking about a guy." She didn't think that could be true at all. She hadn't met that many guys to be talking about them. She hadn't even found one good enough to date so there certainly wasn't one good enough for her to ramble about.

"Yesterday you spent an hour explaining to me why you love Sawyer from _Lost_," Chase retorted.

"He jumped for Kate!" Nicole reminded adamantly, "And I think we established yesterday that Sawyer is amazing and anyone who doesn't love him is insanely stupid. Like Kate, stupidest female character on TV ever-including the cast of _Baywatch_- since she wasn't half a second behind him jumping off that helicopter too."

"I know, I know," Chase agreed. He reluctantly had to admit that after he had watched every season of _Lost_ at Nicole's insistence, he did agree with Nicole. "But still," he continued, "it just seems like you talk about a lot of guys. I guess…I've just noticed because I'm not seeing anyone. I'm not even ready to start thinking about seeing anyone. But you've obviously been dating…not the whole celebrity crush things, but with the other guys you tell me about. I don't know…I just…noticed." He stumbled through suddenly realizing he sounded like an idiot. He had no idea what possessed him to bring it up. He was lonely he supposed, and since Nicole had these guys she mentioned (the real ones, not the fictional characters), he realized she wasn't. They didn't have that in common anymore.

"I haven't been dating," Nicole responded. She didn't know what was going on. She was suddenly very confused. Somewhere in the very back of her mind the twelve-year old girl that lives in her squealed, "He's jealous!" But she didn't actually think that since what was far more apparent at the moment was how awkward everything rapidly became. She called him everyday, he was one of her best friends (if not her best friend at this point), and if she was dating, didn't he think that they were good enough friends that she'd tell him?

"What about the guys you've talked about?" Chase questioned. It wasn't that he didn't believe her, but he was genuinely confused. If she was meeting all these great guys, then why wasn't she dating?

Nicole sighed and explained, "They were just cute guys at Starbucks who held open a door, or a waiter who seemed to linger, but I haven't been dating because even if I meet a guy who seems good I don't get asked out. In fact, I think I've made the first move in every relationship I've ever been in."

"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard," Chase exclaimed, "How does a girl like you not get asked out everyday?"

Nicole was already smiling. She knew it was probably the best compliment she had ever gotten, but since she could ask, she questioned, "What do you mean 'a girl like' me?"

"Nicole," Chase said very seriously, "you're smart, funny, and drop dead gorgeous. That's the kind of girl you are. And every guy who doesn't try to make you his is definitely going to regret it once they realize what they passed up when they didn't ask you out the first second they could form coherent words after they met you-which, let me tell you, takes a few minutes since just being you, you put them in a state of awe."

"Thank you," Nicole said sincerely, touched to the point of tears at his words. "You're so officially my best friend."

Chase smiled his lopsided smile and returned, "You're mine too Nicole."

"We should celebrate our official BFF-ness," Nicole squealed excitedly, "Turn on your video chat and let's dance! We so need some Britney!"

"No!" Chase immediately squashed, "I told you I'm never doing that again."

"Aw, come on," Nicole begged, "Please, for me. Your new best friend forever. Please."

Five minutes of pleading later, Chase gave in.

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**A/N:** I hope you enjoyed the start of the relationship and are starting to get into the idea of Nicole and Chase.

The chapter title was from "Left Behind" by Aqualung.

Part II title: My love is growing stronger as you become a habit to me (Otis Redding, "I've Been Loving You Too Long")

**Please, please review. Feedback is love. **


	2. Part II

**A/N: Thank you so much to the lovely ladies and gentleman who reviewed! **I'm thrilled that anyone at all is actually reading this because it's kind of super important to me- but we'll get to that much, much later.

I know I said I would update when I finished part V and no, I haven't finished part V (so close though). But I also said I'd update more rapidly and I really want to come through on that this time so here is part II. Though I doubt anyone is reading today given Harry Potter came out. (Don't tell me about it, I don't get to go until Friday.) Plus, I'm having the best day. Not only did the airline finally find my suitcase (15 days later), but I just got an ice cream maker! Sure there wasn't a single social science job posted in the entire state of California today, but I can make my own frozen yogurt, sorbet, and ice cream. Anyway, due to the promise of quickness and my good mood, I decided to update despite not being quite finished. Not that anyone needed to know my rational for updating, but I ramble, sorry.

Oh, and **more information that needs to be known if you didn't read Stay** (read it): Nicole goes to UCLA, Chase and Logan are sharing a house at USC, and they are quickly joined by Dana- who moves in with Logan- unexpected to their friends because Dana never came back from Paris and as far as they knew Logan wasn't seeing anyone- let alone Dana for a whole year, sort of. They're the only ones of the gang to stay in the Los Angeles area. Please feel free to ask questions if you're confused.

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**Heavy Hearts

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**

**II. My love is growing stronger as you become a habit to me**

She's happy when she doesn't think about what her life has become. She feels pathetic when she does think about it.

She just started college and here she is worrying her lip as her finger is poised over the call button on her phone-his name staring back at her from the screen.

It shouldn't be like this, not when she's just calling a _friend_. But in moments when she's actually thinking about what her life has become-like now-her hands get clammy, she forgets her words, and the gnawing feeling in the pit of her stomach grows intense enough that it demands to be noticed.

As usual she manages to ignore her thoughts so she can finally dial his number.

(She knows her heartbeat quickens as she hears the phone ring and waits for him to answer, but if she's going to speak when he answers, she can't think about that.)

He answers on the second ring and eagerly greets, "Nicole you're never going to believe what happened today…"

They talk for an hour that passes by quickly and when she hangs up she's smiling.

(But she can't think about that either.)

-o-o-o-

A week later they've decided to spend their Saturday at Nicole's dorm room ordering small amounts of food from every place in the area that delivers.

"Doing something like this was in an episode of _Gilmore Girl's_ once," Chase commented as he tried the chow mein from the latest Chinese place.

"I know, that's where I got the idea for this from," Nicole confirmed. "I didn't know you were a _GG_ fan though."

Chase shrugged and replied honestly, "I think between _Dawson's Creek_ and the fact that I own my own copy of _Love Actually_, we've established that I will watch anything, no matter how girly it may be."

"And that just may be my favorite thing about you," Nicole quipped.

"Lucky me," Chase joked.

"You are lucky. Would anyone else you know invite you over for such a feast?" Nicole asked with a gesture to the takeout containers that nearly filled all of the floor space and empty surfaces of her tiny single dorm room.

"I don't know if I'd call this a feast," Chase said with a wrinkle of his nose, "Did you try the disgusting brown thing in that container from the 'international' restaurant?" Before Nicole could retort to his good-natured riffing, Chase continued seriously, "Besides, I'm not letting you pay for all this. It's way too much. So, let's total it up so I can give you the money for half."

"No way," Nicole immediately responded, "this was my idea._ I_ invited _you_. You're not paying anything." She saw Chase open his mouth to protest, so Nicole cut him off insisting, "Think of it as my mini celebration for us starting college and for making it through a romantically dreary summer."

"Alright," Chase agreed. He added, "Only if I can throw us a similar situation that you can't pay any part of either."

Nicole contemplated a bit. She didn't like the idea. She knew Chase didn't earn as much money as he wanted to over the summer and her parents were able to support her completely so she didn't even have to work- though she did occasionally at her father's juice store. But she knew Chase and she knew she wouldn't win this argument. She agreed reluctantly, "Fine."

"Good," Chase said satisfied.

They picked over the multitude of food in a comfortable few minutes of silence, but eventually Nicole couldn't help mentioning what had been their hot topic of late. "You know what's weird about this Logan and Dana relationship?"

"What?" Chase responded.

Nicole paused for effect and burst, "I totally called it in eighth grade! I told her all the time that Logan was only so mean to her because he liked her and I told her that that was why she was mean to him- because she liked him."

"And how did that go over with Dana at the time?" Chase asked with a knowing smirk.

"Well she already didn't like me that much so I figured I might as well be honest even if she didn't like that either," Nicole defended.

There was a beat of silence before Chase contemplated, "You're right though. About how they are together. They're still both completely the people we've always known them to be. Yet, they're a bit more…mature and somehow that seems to mean that they're perfect for each other."

Nicole nodded in agreement as she finished chewing a mouthful of surprisingly good spaghetti from a nearby Italian takeout and delivery place.

Chase fished through the remaining food looking for something he had yet to try. He selected an egg roll, but offered before he took a tentative bite of it, "You know what's not fair though? Me and you are both looking for that forever relationship and Logan and Dana aren't even remotely ready for one, but they found it."

"It's not unfair, it's just fate," Nicole reasoned, "they both needed someone- Dana was alone, Logan was alone- and fate intervened and brought them together right at the exact time they could handle it- that's why they're still together. Kind of like when Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks both happen to be at the top of the Empire State building at the end of _Sleepless in Seattle_."

"Or Ross catches Rachel in the _Friends _finale," Chase adds.

"Exactly," Nicole agreed, "and someday fate will bring us the people we're supposed to be with at the exact moment we need them most." (Eventually, they would both wonder if that moment Nicole spoke of had already happened and they didn't notice- and neither did the person they wanted to notice.)

When the good food was sorted from the bad and an agreeable take-out rating had been reached for the remaining places- Chase left. As he stood in Nicole's dorm room doorway and hugged her goodbye one of her neighbors- Jenna, very friendly, very Nicole- exclaimed, "Nicole, you've been holding out! I didn't know you had a boyfriend."

It was awkward as they explained that Chase was just her best friend. Nicole expected it to be- after all, she had realized she had developed crush-like feelings for him. Chase, however, was surprised by how flustered he became and how much time he would spend thinking about the hall-mate's mistake. Him and Michael were never mistaken for a couple. Him and Zoey- while still friends- weren't mistaken for a couple. He didn't know where this came from. He didn't understand it. So he overanalyzed it.

Next time Chase sees her, he doesn't hug her.

Nicole notices.

And just as they had begun to grow closer the previous year and over the summer, they began to drift apart.

-o-o-o-

"Okay," Nicole conceded as she plopped herself at the seat across from Dana at what had become their weekly lunch alone together. It had been two weeks since Chase stopped hugging her and why was all she could think about anymore. She needed help. But for help, she needed to make certain confessions. So here she was with Dana, and she admitted, "So, as you have mentioned and insinuated-frequently- I have developed crush like feelings for Chase. I fully believe that they will pass though and I will return to thinking of him just as my best friend. But, something's wrong and I don't know what's going on. I need help."

"First of all, I knew it!" Dana boasted. Nicole rolled her eyes and waited for Dana to continue. Seriously, Dana persisted, "Second of all, things have seemed weird between you guys lately. Maybe it's just me, but it seems like Chase is physically keeping his distance from you. Which is weird since he's a pretty affectionate person- for a guy. Did something happen?"

"Not really," Nicole replied because yes Jenna's comment stuck in her head, but she understood it affecting her given her secret-more-than-friendly-feelings. Chase, however, she didn't understand why it would or could affect him. Nicole retold, "When he was leaving my room a couple of weeks ago he hugged me goodbye in my doorway and a girl who lives next door to me asked why I didn't mention that I had a boyfriend. Explaining that he wasn't my boyfriend was a little awkward. But then the next time I saw him he didn't hug me and, yeah, I agree that he's been keeping his distance. I don't understand it."

Honestly, Dana had absolutely no idea what could possibly be going through Chase's head either. So, instead of even bothering to suggest random and poorly thought out possibilities she skipped ahead to solutions, "I don't know either. But you're not going to figure it out sitting around thinking about it. Remember when you told me about when Zoey stopped wearing a friendship bracelet you made her? The first day she didn't wear it you confronted her about it and asked her why. When you found out Logan and I were 'together' you-"

"Stop putting quotes around together. You're living together. You're really together," Nicole interjected.

"When you found out Logan and I were 'together," Dana continued pointedly ignoring the interruption, "You barely waited until morning to confront us. So, why don't you just talk to Chase about this? Ask him what the hell is wrong with him?"

Nicole knew Dana was right. She hated games and hiding. She liked her relationships with people to be simple and honest and pleasant as much as possible so she always tried to resolve any un-pleasantness immediately. If something was bothering her, she let the person know. But this time she didn't. She didn't know why, but she didn't.

Whatever had been holding her back from talking to Chase, she knew she couldn't let it anymore. Because everyday she saw him and things weren't how they once were, the ache in her chest grew just a little bit stronger.

-o-o-o-

Chase wasn't that surprised to come home and find Nicole lounging on his bed in his room. He knew he hadn't been acting the same over the last couple of weeks and he had realized that she had noticed, but she hadn't been acting any differently.

"I see you're studying for that philosophy mid-term you mentioned," Chase greeted sarcastically since he could plainly see that the article in Nicole's hands was a _People _magazine.

"Knowing what celebrity I'm perfect for should help me ace it," Nicole argued.

Chase dropped his bag on the floor and sat down in his desk chair. He opened up his laptop and started to check his e-mail. This was how things had been between them together. They'd talk (almost normally), there'd be silences (uncomfortable with many words waiting to be said), and there'd be space (always between them).

"So, what's going on?" Nicole inquired.

Chase shrugged as he scrolled his e-mail, "Usual. Classes, books to read, papers to write."

"That's not what I meant," Nicole responded as she got up- clearly he needed a demonstration. She walked toward him. Chase looked slightly frightened- but he was trying to hide it. Until she got three steps to him and he backed his chair up. "Aha!" she exclaimed, "See. It's not my imagination. Why won't you come near me?"

"I'm near you now," Chase attempted to lie.

Nicole took another step towards him and he moved back, crashing his chair into the wall beside his desk.

She gave him a look that said "the jig is up" and he knew it. Chase sighed and admitted, "I don't know. When that girl thought that we were a couple it got me thinking all this stuff that's really stupid. And I know it's all really stupid, but I somehow still let it affect me."

Okay. Nicole didn't know what to do with that so she asked, "What kind of stuff have you been thinking?"

"I've been thinking," Chase began, getting the easy part out first. He hesitated, blew out a breath, and rambled, "You're my best friend. Michael was/is my best friend and Zoey was my best friend. Michael- we never had any problems as best friends and no one mistook us for anything more than friends. No one mistook Zoey and I for more than friends at first either, but when we did become more than friends that's when everything started to fall apart. I'm not saying that I think because you're a girl and a friend that means we'll end up together. I swear, I only think of you as my friend," (Nicole's heart broke a lot more than she thought it would for her "crush"), "but…I guess it just made me think, what if I lose you too?" (the lost look in his eyes as he said it mended just the tiniest bit of her heart), "And then I realized how miserable I would be without you, which made me think that I am way too dependent on you- it can't be healthy. So I figured I should try and fix that."

"With only physical distance?" Nicole questioned confused.

"It was supposed to be a first step," Chase defended half-heartedly.

"Well it's all ridiculous," Nicole concluded easily. She took a step forward and was glad to see that Chase didn't move a centimeter, "I am sure that we have been well on our way to developing a _very _unhealthy, _highly overly_ dependent relationship, and I think it's fantastic. You know why I can be here in LA alone or be at my college living all alone? Because I have very close relationships with people- with my family, with my friends. So when I'm technically by myself, I'm never really alone- I carry all of my highly dysfunctional relationships with me wherever I go. And don't worry about what's going to happen to you when you don't have me around anymore because I'm not going anywhere. Seriously. _An-y-where_. When you're married and want to have a relationship that is all your own with your wife, I will be nosily butting in. I'll be telling you how many kids you should have and what their names should be."

She had been wearing a very encouraging smile the entire time she was talking and Chase found it contagious. "Well, all right then," Chase said definitively, "I'll stop being an idiot." He got up and closed the space between them and hugged her.

Nicole held on tight as commented, "You have to make up for missed hugs too."

"Well if I have to…" Chase said with a chuckle as he squeezed her a bit tighter.

They finally let go after about a minute and a half. It wasn't awkward anymore, but that didn't mean that the two chatty people would let there be silence either.

"So, what are my kids names going to be?" Chased asked curiously.

"It depends on what your wife's name is and what she looks like," Nicole answered easily. (It wasn't like she had thought about what their kids names would be…much.)

Chase's eyebrow raised, "Really?"

"Yeah, like if she has red hair then your kid gets your curly hair but red- and if she's a girl- then you _have_ to name her Annie. It'd be so cute!" Nicole explained.

Chase considered it for a second and decided, "Okay. If that happens, you have a deal."

Nicole squealed, jumped up and down, and went in for another hug.

Chase gladly reciprocated the hug.

-o-o-o-

"I can't believe this happened," Chase groaned as he banged his head against his steering wheel.

"Can I take this off now?" Nicole asked with a gesture to her blindfold, "Because I'm pretty sure we're stuck in traffic and that wasn't your intended destination."

"Might as well," Chase responded with a shrug, "everything's ruined now anyway."

Nicole took off the blindfold (a green scarf) and saw endless stopped traffic before them. Sometimes LA just sucked. "You're so pessimistic," she admonished Chase.

"I had a whole 'yay we survived midterms' celebration planned, but now we're going to be late and everything is messed up," Chase argued.

"So it was something that had to happen at a specific time?" Nicole deduced, still trying to figure out what Chase had in store. She had been begging since he told her about it two days earlier and that was the first bit of information he had given up- he also requested she wear a bathing suit, bring a sweater/coat, and something else casual to wear. She was pretty sure it involved the beach or a pool or a water park.

Chase sighed, defeated, and gave up the surprise, "We were going to go to the beach where they filmed the first part of _Grease_, which we can still do, but we may not get there before sun down and then you can't swim in the ocean and we won't have a sunset picnic. Plus, by the time we do get there the food might be spoiled, who knows."

"We're going to be in the same place as Olivia Newton John and John Travolta? You are the best friend ever!" Nicole exclaimed as she launched herself at him and hugged him in thanks. She also completely ignored everything negative he said, first, because he could be right, and secondly because she had been working to try and make him more optimistic.

An hour later they were still stuck in traffic and they had only moved six feet. Nicole had been trying to have a good time. She tried to start a game of, "Can I touch the vehicle next to us without leaving my seat?", "Name the tune that person in that other car is singing to," and license plate bingo. Chase however, had remained quite the party pooper.

Finally, Nicole saw a billboard and inspiration struck. She got out her phone and dialed a unfamiliar number.

"What are you doing?" Chase asked, wondering who she could be calling.

She held up a finger as if to say "wait" and a few seconds later she began talking, "Hi I'm Nicole and I'm currently stuck in the awful traffic on I-5." Pause. "Well, see, I'm here with my best friend Chase and the traffic is really bumming him out, which is in turn making my day a whole lot less fun. So, I was thinking you could play some really upbeat songs. Something fun that makes you want to sing and dance to it." Pause. "Just because you're a rock station doesn't mean you don't have music you can dance to. Do you need suggestions?" Short pause. "Well, how about, 'Dancing With Myself' by Billy Idol." Pause. "Who doesn't love the 80's." Long pause. "Absolutely. You play some stuff you can dance to and I will be out of this car dancing in traffic. And I will get other people to dance." Pause. "Thanks Jim."

"What was that about?" Chase asked the second she took her phone away from her ear.

Nicole had already began fiddling with his radio and when she reached her destination Chase no longer needed an explanation.

"So if you're on I-5 get ready to look for Nicole who we just heard from. She should literally be dancing in the street. And if you're out their stuck in traffic call us and request something. For now though, here's Billy Idol's 'Dancing With Myself' for Nicole and her downtrodden friend," came Jim's voice over the radio at 95.7.

The familiar beat started, Nicole looked over at Chase- her eyes lit up, turned up his volume, and got out of his car.

She was dancing before the lyrics started.

_On the floor of Tokyo_

_Or down in London town to go, go_

_With the record selection_

_With the mirror reflection_

_I'm dancing with myself_

_When there's no-one else in sight_

_In the crowded lonely night_

_Well I wait so long_

_For my love vibration_

_And I'm dancing with myself_

_Oh dancing with myself_

_Oh dancing with myself_

_Well there's nothing to lose_

_And there's nothing to prove_

_Ill be dancing with myself…._

By the end of the song Nicole had fifteen people out in between the cars dancing and singing along with her. Chase could only look at her in complete awe.

Next came "Pour Some Sugar On Me," for which she ended up on the hood of his car. For the third song, "Come On Eillen," he got out of the car with her- for about a minute and a half. They started to move again around the fourth song and she got back in the car, but the fun didn't stop. She kept the radio turned up and insisted they sing along. She also insisted the people in any car within shouting distance sing with them too. Surprisingly, most of them didn't turn her down. Eventually, it felt like all of interstate 5 was signing, "Crockadile Rock."

They got to the beach four hours later than Chase intended, but somehow by the time they got there he didn't mind. They swam despite the fact it was dark. They ate his sunset picnic over an illegal beach fire. They played, "Name that tune," with the radio on the way back to Nicole's dorm. It was a good day.

Actually, Chase hadn't had more fun or been as happy as he was that day ever. But he wouldn't realize that tonight. He wouldn't realize it until it was too late.

* * *

**A/N:** **I hope you enjoyed reading part II and again please, please review. **

Chapters are going to start increasing slightly in length and remember, with part three starts the real travel towards climax.

**Part III title:** M is for the mistletoe where everyone is kissed ("Christmas Alphabet" by The McGuire Sisters).

**Thanks for reading:)**


	3. Part III

**A/N: Thank you again to everyone whose been reviewing! I love hearing from you few wonderful people who have given this pairing a chance. **

I finally finished part five and made my way many pages into part six and I've realized that the length of the chapters is not only increasing a little bit. They're actually quite uneven. Part five is 29 pages and six looks like it could be longer than average too. Editing any further just doesn't feel right so I'm going to keep the inequality for now. But we'll get to all that later.

* * *

**Heavy Hearts

* * *

**

**III. ****M is for the mistletoe where everyone is kissed**

Chase doesn't realize the effect Nicole has on him at all.

It would be a six hour drive for him to go home for Thanksgiving and an expensive flight for her and with them only having Thursday, Friday and the weekend, they decide it's not worth it. So, they celebrate Thanksgiving together.

Dana doesn't want to make her long trip home for such a short time and though Logan never says it he stays because she stayed. So, it's actually the four of them for Thanksgiving.

Two days before Turkey Day, Nicole arrived at their house to discover all of them debating whether to go traditional fare and eat microwave turkey dinners or to go non-traditional and do takeout. She was outraged. No home cooked turkey dinner on Thanksgiving? What kind of people were these so called friends of hers?

Nicole marched them all off to the nearest grocery store and they bought enough food to feed an entire residency hall. She told them that if any of the food is missing when she comes over on Thanksgiving she's withholding dessert. Just in case, she spends most of the day before Thanksgiving conveniently on their couch- in view of the refrigerator and cupboards.

On Thanksgiving Day she shows up at 8 a.m., wakes everyone, and puts them to work. Six and half hours later everyone is dressed according to her stipulated dress code (not formal wear, but a step up from casual), and they're all sitting at a table covered in every single traditional Thanksgiving dish. They have yams, sweet potatoes, fresh rolls, green beans, stuffing, salad, homemade cranberry sauce, and of course turkey. And since none of the food went missing they have pumpkin pie and apple pie and freshly baked sugar cookies.

As Chase sat in the kitchen with his closest friends and ate the delicious meal he thought he felt like Tom Hanks, from _Sleepless in Seattle._ Because here, now, thanks to Nicole, he felt like he was home, but in a home he had never known. One that was warm, and happy, and _Nicole_. But he wouldn't make the connection to what it meant, not even when he frequently thought of how she looked that day- proudly in an apron that was once her mom's and looking so perfectly in place in his kitchen next to him.

She fell asleep next to him on his couch later and he wrapped an arm around her, leaning her head against his chest. With her softly slumbering there he felt like something fell into place, but he didn't realize what that meant either.

-o-o-o-

By the time winter break approaches she knows that she is still hopelessly into him, but she's always been an optimist so she's still believes it will pass.

She talks about Chase so often- just like she did Zoey when she first came to PCA- that her parents offer the same thing they did the first break with Zoey- for her friend to join them for New Years. And it would be weird if she told them she didn't want him there, that she needed space from him to try and make her stubborn feelings go away. Still, she probably could have made up an excuse and gotten out of asking him, but the thing was, she didn't actually want to be away from him- no matter how unhealthy it was. So, she invited him, persuaded him, to take her dad up on his offer and let them buy him a ticket to fly out to Kansas for New Years. And with her begging and pleading so adorably how could he refuse?

So, on December 30th Chase found himself flying in to Kansas City, Missouri- Nicole said it was the nearest airport. He was at baggage claim, bags in hand, looking for Nicole when there was a blur in front of him and he suddenly felt like the wind had been knocked out of him as a person had heavily thrown themselves in his arms. He wrapped his arms around her and picked her up a little as he sighed and closed his eyes, reveling in how good it felt to hug her again.

He felt like he was being watched, which he figured was due to his slight paranoia, but when he opened his eyes he found a slightly-older-than-middle-aged man watching them who he recognized from Nicole's family photos as her dad. He was suddenly very conscious of where his hands were. Not that they were anywhere bad- one on her lower back, the other on her upper- but with her _dad_ there, he suddenly felt queasy and slightly terrified.

He stiffened in her arms as he released her, but Nicole didn't notice and kept on hugging him.

"Okay honey, I think the boy needs to breathe," Mr. Bristow commented with a chuckle.

Nicole released him self-consciously, but tried to cover up her embarrassment by beginning introductions, "Dad this is Chase Matthews, Chase, my dad."

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you Chase," Mr. Bristow greeted extending his hand.

"You too Mr. Bristow," Chase returned politely as he shook the man's hand.

"It's Rob, please," her father extended.

Her father had never been keen on her associating with boys at all- after all, she was his littler girl- so she was thrilled that so far her dad had been all smiles and polite gestures. She beamed at them both as she explained to Chase, "Daddy needed to come and check on his store here in Kansas City so he offered to take me too and come pick you up."

"Well thank you, not only for picking me up but for inviting me to spend the holiday with you," Chase said sincerely to Rob.

Rob nodded and responded, "Any friends of Nicole's are always welcome at our home and with how much time it sounds like you two spend together I couldn't very well not invite you- can't have my little girl going through 'best-friend with drawls."

"Well she wouldn't have been the only one," Chase said with a smile towards Nicole.

The kid seemed sincere enough, but Rob still didn't like the way this boy was smiling at his little girl- even if he was supposedly only her friend. His wife would kill him for what he was about to do, but luckily she wasn't here. He interrupted their moment before it had the chance to start by asking, "So do you have any bags left to find?"

"Nope," Chase replied, "I've got everything."

"Good, let's get on the road," Rob said as he turned toward the exit and began heading for the car. He resisted the urge to glance back at the trailing young adults the whole way there. When they did get there he was relieved that Nicole sat up front with him- it'd be too weird if she sat in the back with that boy.

"So, are we close to Lawrence?" Chase asked conversationally as they all buckled in.

"About forty minutes away," Nicole responded.

"It may be out of state, but Kansas City is the nearest large airport," Rob explained.

"Oh," Chase responded simply, not knowing what else to say.

An awkward silence settled over the car as they pulled out of the parking garage. By the time they got to the highway six minutes later, it was still there.

Rob attempted to make conversation, "So, what do you kids have planned?"

"I'd like to know that myself," Chase commented.

"Nuh huh," Nicole denied shaking her head, "you're not finding out. Everything we do will be a complete surprise."

Chase tried to get details about what kind of stuff she had planned for twenty more minutes before her attempts of distracting him onto other topics finally worked.

Rob listened to the conversation between his daughter and her friend, but refrained from participating in it for it felt like he'd be intruding. He sighed and glanced at Chase in the back through the rear-view mirror. The kid hadn't stopped smiling the whole ride and they were nearly in Lawrence. Although, he realize with a glance to the passenger seat, his daughter hadn't stopped smiling either. He so was not ready for this. Nicole had assured him that they were just really good friends and had only become such because their other friends had other stuff going on over the last year/year and a half, which left them effectively thrown together to get to know each other better. Rob discreetly looked between his daughter and her friend again and regrettably concluded that he' d eventually have to worry about this_ Chase_ with his little girl because their was no way they were going to remain _just friends_.

-o-o-o-

When they arrived at Nicole's house Chase was warmly greeted by her mother- Jill, she insisted- and barely acknowledged by her younger sister Hannah who was very self absorbed (Nicole's words, not his). He was shown his room- across the hall from Nicole's – given a brief tour of the house, had a wonderful and jovial dinner with her family, and spent the rest of the night trying to get Nicole to tell him what they'd be doing the next day to no avail. All Nicole said was be up by ten.

At ten o'clock the next morning Chase emerged from the guest room dressed and ready for whatever Nicole had planned. He found Nicole in the family room staring out the window…at ice. Over night an ice storm had hit and now there was at least an inch of it on the ground.

After greeting Chase good morning, Nicole explained why the weather was so unfortunate, "I thought I'd show you around town, particularly around the university, but ice on the ground and, according to the weather girl on channel 8, imminent snow, don't make the best conditions for a walking tour through town."

Nicole and Chase ended up spending his first day in Lawrence on her sofa, curled up in blankets, watching TV and movies. And since they were both each other's favorite viewing partners, they had a great time.

They were just finishing _Two Weeks Notice_ and putting in _Win a Date with Tad Hamilton_ when Nicole commented, "I hope the speech I get is good."

"What speech?"

"You know," Nicole began, "when a guy declares he has feelings for a girl in a movie he always gives a speech and I hope I get one from the right guy someday about how he loves me and I hope it's good." She added as an afterthought, "You'll give a good one someday. Your soulmate is going to be lucky."

"First, if you've inspired it, yours will be good. Second, what do you mean mine will be good? I can't give speeches. I space out and get nervous and sweat profusely and stammer through every one," Chase countered.

Thinking back to things he had said to her as just a friend that had completely made her melt, Nicole retorted, "You're a lot smoother than you think."

Chase simply chuckled doubtfully in return before the conversation was halted by the movie starting.

A few hours later as Nicole reached for another tissue she realized another reason she had developed feelings for Chase. They were watching an episode of _Lost_, "The Constant." They had both seen it before and he knew she would cry during it, but when she suggested it he didn't hesitate to agree in the slightest. And when the tears began to come he handed her a box of tissues and wrapped his arms around her, not shying away from her tears, just comforting her and letting her cry. In a very simple way, exactly this was why she liked Chase so much. He never ran from any part of her, he just always embraced her. How could she not fall for that?

Luckily the sun had come out during the afternoon- contrary to the claims of the channel 8 weather girl- and had melted some of the ice. Deciding that they had spent far too long curled up on the couch (not that either of them had seemed to mind being practically on top of each other for most of the day), Nicole suggested a stroll through the orchards so she could show Chase around their property.

(It was sunset and it would be the light he would always associate with Nicole- warm, and soft, and radiant, and making everything more beautiful.)

-o-o-o-

When they got back Nicole helped her mom with dinner and Chase had offered his help as well, but as their guest, both women had refused. Lucky for Chase, Mr. Bristow wasn't home yet so he didn't have to hang out with him. Despite the fact that Chase had nothing but honorable intentions with Nicole, and that Mr. Bristow had been nothing but friendly, he found the man very intimidating- to the point that his hands had taken up shaking slightly whenever in his presence.

After a phone call to check in with his parents Chase was surprised to find a familiar number flashing at him as his phone rang. It was Michael, who he had unfortunately grown apart from somewhat due to their schools being across the country from each other. They only talked about once a week. And of course since they were guys they had typically short and vague conversations.

"Hey man, I just wanted to wish you a Happy New Years," Michael greeted.

"Yeah, you too," Chase returned.

"Have any plans for New Years Eve tomorrow?" Michael inquired.

"Actually," Chase paused. They hadn't really talked much about what good friends Chase had become with Nicole. He knew Nicole kept in touch with Michael a bit, but he didn't think she mentioned it to him either since Michael had never mentioned it back to him. He confessed, "I'm in Kansas."

Confused, Michael asked, "Why?"

"Nicole invited me to stay with her family for a couple of days," a beat of silence, "we've kind of….become…_really_…good friends."

"Cool?" Michael replied hesitantly, not sure how he was supposed to respond. It was weird to hear that your oldest and best friend had a new best friend.

"Yeah,….I don't know," Chase commented, brows furrowing, eyes scrunched shut, running a hand roughly through his bushy hair. He hadn't really mentioned this to anyone, but he admitted, "It's weird. I mean…I'm really comfortable with Nicole. We get along great. I do…_everything_ with her. I _always _have a great time with her. But, it's just…I've never had a completely platonic female friend, I've never…I don't know. It's just different than being friends with you or with Logan."

"Well, yeah Chase, we're guys, Nicole's a girl, of course it's different," Michael commented somewhat sarcastically. The "platonic" comment had answered one of his questions, though he still doubted it was completely the case given the last time Chase had become close friends with a girl and the motivation that had been behind it.

"I know. That's what I keep telling myself when I think that our relationship is weird. I know she's a girl, my other best friends have been guys, so, it's just different," Chase reasoned, followed by a heavy sigh.

Michael wanted to ask if maybe the relationship was different because he liked Nicole- not that he had any other reason than history for suspecting such a thing- but Chase had quickly changed the subject asking about his New Years Eve plans and boy did he have a lot to tell Chase about his fraternity's plans for the holiday.

Nicole's mother had told her to go get Chase and her sister for dinner since it was almost ready and she had gotten to his door just in time to hear his last statement involving her. She tried to assure herself that Chase's reasoning was right and that he just found their relationship different because he had never had such a close female friend- and not because on some level he knew how much she wished they were more than friends.

-o-o-o-

Dinner was just as pleasant as the night before and Nicole had to force herself not to think about how well Chase fit in with them. She needed to stop thinking about him period. She knew it was the only way she had any chance of getting over him, but she couldn't help it, she just kept torturing herself by spending more and more time with him. Now even having him interrupt time that she was supposed to have away from him by insisting that he visit her over break (which she fairly successfully convinced herself was her parents fault for offering to have him over in the first place).

Nicole had almost forgotten it was a Thursday until she heard the music start shortly after dinner just as her and Chase reached her room.

Chase seemed to immediately remember what the music meant as well. He commented, "Nice song choice." It was Ben E. King's "Save the Last Dance for Me."

"It's almost always random actually," Nicole explained.

She was about to continue with the tale of the time she left a CD in the stereo and it got played in her dad's random selection and they danced to Justin Timberlake, but her dad interrupted her.

Nicole's parents came spinning down the hall gracefully, wide smiles on their faces, and Rob commented, "Chase I thought you were a better man than to let a girl stand around when a song is playing." Just as quickly as her parents had sauntered down the hall they were past Nicole's door and out of sight.

"Yes sir," Chase laughed with a good-natured smile. He offered her his hand just as a new song began.

_This magic moment _

_So different and so new_

_Was like any other _

_Until I kissed you_

Nicole took his hand and placed her other on his shoulder as he put his other hand awkwardly on her waist.

He took a step forward, she took a step back, and it was the last move that went smoothly for the rest of the song.

He stepped on her toes dozens of times, managed to jab her in the stomach with his elbow somehow, and bumped heads with her quite forcefully. They barely even moved and never made it out of her room for they were far too busy with Chase injuring Nicole- yes, they were all his fault and he was quite aware of it as he apologized profusely.

Nicole found the whole two and half minute disaster quite entertaining and was laughing hysterically by the end of it despite the continued assault on her feet.

Nicole laughing made Chase feel a lot better, but he still felt horrible for hurting her.

As soon as the song ended and Nicole calmed down she commented, "You so need dance lessons before you do this with a girl for real."

"It looked so easy," Chase defended.

"Yeah, it is," Nicole agreed, "But you're horrible at it anyway. And I will not have you injuring your future wife. I'm not forgetting this and next time I see dance lessons offered somewhere I'm signing you up."

Chase seemed disgruntled with the idea, but soon conceded, "Yeah, alright." He checked again, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Nicole assured with a smile.

"Are you sure?" He questioned concerned, "I think I hit your head pretty hard." And just like that his hands were on her face, running over head gently, searching for a bump that wasn't there.

Her heart stopped. Her breath hitched. And she couldn't feel her legs. There was just Chase. So close and _touching_ her. She closed her eyes for the briefest of seconds and reveled in the feeling.

Luckily he didn't see her. And luckily he stopped touching her and seemed assured by her claims of being fine before she got too caught up in him and did something stupid that would surely ruin their friendship.

Thankfully her mom soon came in and asked if they wanted to watch _The Santa Claus _(still keeping up some holiday spirit). They accepted and Nicole was relieved because she had only been alone with Chase for three minutes after what she would now and forever call "the incident" and it was unbearable. To be alone in the same room as him and not be touched by him, it was all she could think of. At least before "the incident" she had had some clarity of mind around him all the time, but now, she was very relived her parent's presence allowed for some space.

-o-o-o-

By the next morning Nicole had convinced herself she was fine and she'd be fine around Chase. She could absolutely block out the memory of "the incident." If she could get through her junior year of high school watching her ex-boyfriend with the girl he very publically broke up with her for then she could absolutely ignore and forget about how she felt for Chase. "It's just a crush," became her mantra.

And Nicole, ever determined, was fairly successful. Her and Chase had had a fantastic morning as she showed him around town in a shortened version of the walk she had planned for the day before. Then they had to get back to her house so they could get read for her family's New Years Eve party. It was at her aunt's house just outside of town. They always had family gatherings there because for one it was the largest and therefore held the most people and two, her aunt and uncle were wealthy and could afford to keep giving the family parties. Nicole had warned Chase that it wasn't like Logan's house- they weren't that rich- but it was nice so he needed to have a shirt and tie- and because of the weather he'd probably want a coat or sweater or something. She had hopefully offered to dress him and even take him shopping to pick out his clothes for him (something she had tried to insist upon many times- mostly when he'd wear one of his ill fitting t-shirts that had become so worn over the years one could no longer tell what image or words was supposed to be on it). He thought she was joking with the offer and laughed it off.

But when Chase emerged from the guest room she was surprised to see that he had followed her suggestions and wore nice, well-fitting black slacks, a white button up shirt, black tie, and a pullover dark green sweater.

Nicole's surprise at Chase's appearance didn't come close to matching Chase's at Nicole's. He never really thought about how beautiful she was. But as she stood there before him he could think of nothing else.

Nicole was wearing a teal chiffon sleeveless dress with a sweetheart neckline and jeweled detail at the center of the bust. And she absolutely did not spend two weeks shopping for her New Years Eve dress because she knew Chase would see her in it. Seriously, she spent at least a week and a half looking every year- sometimes her cousins would bring friends just like she was now so she always had to look her best. Still, as she put on her earrings and Chase remained standing in her doorway she was awaiting some kind of positive reaction (completely missing the fact that he was speechless).

Almost two minutes after he first saw her Chase managed to clear his throat and find his voice. "You look amazing," he said sincerely and in a voice that was so high he didn't recognize it as his own. He cleared his voice again and hoped that by the next time he spoke he wouldn't sound so weird.

Nicole looked at Chase then and thought he looked nervous. "Thanks," she replied with a smile and looked away telling herself of course he wasn't nervous, why would he be? As far as he was concerned they were just friends and no matter how fabulous she looked, that was the only way he'd see her.

Rob suddenly came charging down the hallway and stood in Nicole's doorway beside Chase as Nicole retrieved her coat from her closet. "Don't you look beautiful sweetheart?" Rob commented with a smile.

Rob elbowed Chase signaling for him to join in.

Chase got the hint and added to his previous statement. But he got lucky managing coherent words once, band only managed to stutter, "Yeah…uh…wow."

Nicole glanced at him again and as she returned to pulling her coat off it's hanger she thought maybe she was wrong about him not being nervous, and just maybe she was wrong about him only ever being able to see her as a friend.

"Well put," Rob joked. Though he wasn't entirely pleased to witness a boy have that sort of reaction to his daughter, he definitely remembered what it was like to be struck speechless by a girl- his wife was a master at it.

Rob had a little trouble catching Chase's eye since the boy seemed embarrassed, but he managed in time to mouth the word "coat" and then to mime it out.

Chase got the hint and crossed the room to Nicole as he said, "Here, let me help you with that."

Rob exited quietly to check on the progress of his other daughter. Neither Nicole nor Chase noticed as he slowly slid her coat over her arms. He lingered on her shoulders for a second.

Nicole turned around and found herself standing awfully closely to Chase and he was staring down at her with a look in his eyes she had never seen before. In that moment she didn't have to wonder about whether or not Chase thought about her as just a friend.

And that moment was promptly interrupted by Nicole's mom yelling very loudly, "Rob, have you seen my car keys?"

"Why would I have had your car keys?" was yelled back.

"I didn't ask if you had them, I asked if you'd _seen_ them," she retorted.

"Well-" Rob began with a sigh as they saw him dash past Nicole's door.

But he was interrupted by, "Found them. Never mind."

Luckily, since the car keys had been miraculously found everyone was piling into Jill's car within a minute and they both got to ignore the scary (fantastic) possibility of what might have been.

By the time they reached Nicole's aunt's house Chase was confident that the effect of Nicole's gorgeousness had worn off and he could be his normal self again. He was, however, now nervous about meeting the rest of her family as the entire way there he had been hearing tales about them.

"Cousin Jane married her step brother Hank and the divorce was super bitter. Don't mention her sister in front of her because that's who Hank was fooling around with when they were married."

"Uncle Dan is in the postal service- but he thinks of it more like he's in the military- so don't knock either one of them in front of him."

"Grandma Betty gets confused easily and she suffers from dementia and there's a pretty good chance that since you're young and male she'll think you're her husband. If she kisses you, just go along with it. It's easier than explaining who you really are."

"Aunt Carla likes to keep mistletoe around her house all the time, especially during the holidays. There's tons of it so there's a pretty good chance that you will get caught under it with someone. Our family does uphold the tradition- strictly- but don't worry, since most of us there are related it's usually just a kiss on the cheek. Except Uncle George's friend Bob- he licks, watch out for him."

By the time they entered the house Chase felt queasy.

A couple of hours into the party Nicole had no idea Chase was the bundle of nerves he had been. He seemed to be getting along great with everyone there and he seemed like he was having a really good time. Of course most of her female cousins- a couple of her male cousins- were hitting on Chase, but he didn't seem to notice and mistook there flirting for friendly conversation.

Nicole had been spending the night answering the question, "Is he your boyfriend?" And then when she said, no, he's her best friend, all of her nosy family asked, "But why not your boyfriend?" It took a lot of restraint for Nicole not to respond, "Because he doesn't want to be, but I really really want him to."

After a couple of hours Nicole saw that Chase had gotten himself trapped by her uncle Earl. The only celebrity Earl liked and enjoyed watching was Andrew Dice Clay and for Nicole that said everything about him one needed to know to avoid him at all costs. It took a few minutes- and a feigned emergency phone call- but Nicole managed to extract Chase from her dreaded uncle.

Somehow they ended up in a hallway alone, a plate of cookies between them, sitting on the carpeted floor, legs stretched out across the hall, backs up against the wall turned facing each other, and discussing who the best Sesame Street character was (Nicole- Big Bird, duh. Chase- Snuffleupagus, come on.).

"Big bird can sing, dance, write poetry, skate, draw, and ride a unicycle. Not to mention pull off wearing pink and blue eye shadow together. How can you say Snuffleupagus is better than him?"

"Because he's Snuffleupagus!" Chase exclaimed. "He's like a woolly mammoth, without tusks, and with a cool dinosaur like tail. Plus, he's friends with Big Bird, but is cool enough to have a life of his own so he wasn't always hanging around and all of Big Birds other lame- nothing-else-to-do-but-feed-off-of-Big-Bird's-popularity-friends didn't even believe Snuff existed."

Nicole laughed and declared, "You know way too much about this. It's hard to believe that the last time you watched was when you were a kid."

"Are you trying to accuse me of something?" Chase asked with a raised eyebrow and playful smile.

"Never," Nicole retorted in mock offense, hand flying to her chest.

They fell into a silence then. A comfortable one where Chase played with the carpet as his smile lingered on his features slightly and where Nicole reveled in the feeling he brought out in her- heart racing, stomach fluttering, tingling all over.

Their NicoleandChase bubble was burst by, "There you are Nikki, I've been looking all over for you." It was Nicole's cousin Jackie, one of her cousins who she was closer too and who thankfully was nice enough not to ask her the dreaded question about her and Chase's relationship. Though she did notice her cousin's suggestive glance to her upon finding her in Chase huddled together in a deserted hallway. Damn her. "It's almost midnight," She began as if it was self explanatory and for Nicole it was. By way of explanation for Chase, Jackie added, "We've got to get outside."

Chase looked at Nicole quizzically and she elaborated, "Fireworks."

Understanding crossed Chase's features and he promptly jumped up from the floor so he could offer Nicole his hand and help getting up from the floor in her dress.

She accepted his hand and counted the seconds until he let go.

Thirty two.

He seemed to forget he was holding her hand all the way as they wound their way through halls until they reached the staircase thirty two seconds after she took his hand.

They stopped at the entrance to the large living room and waited as they watched the large crowd in the room file outside through the two sets of double French doors.

Jackie had been standing just in front of them (since she had been leading the way back) and turned to them then, looked up, and smiled. "You're under mistletoe," she informed them, "I hope Nicole told you about how seriously we take the tradition Chase."

"Of course," he responded easily. He took Nicole's hand and kissed it gently, keeping eye contact the whole time. There was mirth in his eyes; like the whole thing was funny. Like it was easy. He was so casual about it and then they just walked out to join the rest of her family outside counting down to midnight and then watching their very own fireworks display.

Nobody noticed Nicole's heart breaking.

Maybe there had been the tiniest of moments between them before where Nicole thought maybe Chase could feel something for her more than friendship someday, but this moment canceled all those out. If he could be so casual about kissing her, if them under mistletoe could be such an easy situation, then it was final. There would never be a them. As she tossed and turned- _and cried_- that night she tried to convince herself that maybe he could be so nonchalant about her because he was still hung up on Zoey. But by morning she knew one thing was true: he hadn't spent all night thinking about it, and in that pivotal moment there wasn't the slightest sign that he'd ever spend an entire sleepless night thinking about her like she had him.

She had to stop falling for him, before he broke her heart without even knowing it (again).

* * *

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed reading the chapter. Remember to please, please REVIEW!**

**Part IV title: **I won't forget the greatest times I had when I was dancing with you (Annie, "Heartbeat"- really fun song)

**Thank you for reading!**

**-Sarah**


	4. Part IV

**A/N: Thank you again to you wonderful reviewers! **

I just finished part six so I figured it was time for an update. Like part five, part six is 29 pages. This story is turning out quite uneven- but I suppose that's a good thing for those of you who really like to read, are very bored, or are really dreading the end of this (like me:(

I'd like to update with part five when I'm finished with seven because I'm trying to stay ahead with this story, but I don't know how soon I'll be getting through with part seven. I'm expecting to become an aunt any day now, which will likely disturb some of my writing time. Plus, seven is probably going to be long like five and six and actually, this part is a bit longer too, so it's not terribly non-time consuming to write. But it is a priority so hopefully the wait won't be too long.

Alright, I'm trying to ramble less in these. I don't think I've yet accomplished that goal. Oh well. On to the chapter.

* * *

**Heavy Hearts

* * *

**

**IV. I'll never forget the greatest moment's I've had dancing with you**

Nicole is completely and totally unsuccessful at trying to stop falling for Chase. It's not her fault, she swears. Chase desperately needed dance lessons and he refused to take them by himself so she had to spend that time with him. And sure she could have said no to the swing class after their ballroom class was finished (even though it had been her suggestion, which she conveniently ignores) and she also could have said no to the pottery class, but she didn't. Instead, she continued to torture herself by spending increasing amounts of time with him. Dana and Logan even referred to her as their third roommate, especially since she had taken to regularly cooking and baking in their kitchen.

She wasn't stupid. Nicole knew what she was doing. She knew she still lit up every time she saw him and sought out signs of any romantic feelings from him. And she knew she never found any, but she could hope that someday it would be there and that she hadn't been falling so hard only to end up broken someday.

-o-o-o-

In mid-May Nicole awoke to banging on her door at one in the morning. When she groggily opened the door her room was quickly invaded by Dana.

"I think I did something stupid," Dana declared.

"Okay," Nicole replied slowly, still catching up with the fact that she was now awake and had someone in her room. Nicole shut her door and began shuffling her feet back towards her bed when she noticed something shiny somewhere there previously hadn't been. "OH MY GOD," she let out a high shriek and began jumping up and down excitedly as she rushed over to Dana.

Dana knew what she was coming for and hid her left hand behind her back before quickly intervening, "I know and I will actually have a girly excited moment with you if you promise to forgive me for the bad thing I've done that I came to warn you about."

Nicole asked the logical question, still barely containing her excitement, "What did you do?"

"I sort of forced Chase into asking you out," Dana confessed quickly. She explained, "I know how much you like him and I think you're perfect for each other so I kind of dropped some hints. And to get me off of his back _he_ was the one who said, and I quote, 'How about if you and Logan ever get married I'll invite Nicole to the wedding?' And I clarified as a date and he said yes and now that he's going to have to go through with it I realized that you would think he's doing it voluntarily when really it was provoked."

It took Nicole a minute to absorb all of the information. She finally responded, "Well you warned me so there's no problem, right?" Dana visibly relaxed so Nicole continued, "And since I forgive you that means you have a girl moment with me and I get to be maid of honor, right?"

"Right," Dana agreed and took her hand out from behind her back and showed Nicole the ring. Nicole finally resumed jumping and squealing and, as promised, Dana joined her giving in to a moment of complete girlish excitement.

After Nicole had Dana account every moment of the proposal and then re-tell it a few times because Nicole couldn't believe it was that short and simple, Dana couldn't help feeling the need to make sure Nicole was okay about Chase again, "Are you sure you're okay with Chase asking you out? I could tell him he doesn't have to uphold the bet. Although it's not even much of a bet already since there aren't any consequences for him backing out."

"It's fine," Nicole assured. She laughed and elaborated, "I mean, maybe I'm insane or desperate, but from the way it sounds to me being his date was his idea and he's going to go through with it even though he has no reason to because there's no enforcement of the bet. So…maybe it means that he's starting to come around to the idea of us."

Dana couldn't in good conscious tell Nicole she was right because as much as she wanted to, she didn't see any true signs that Chase had recognized that Nicole was perfect for him or that he was even ready to date anyone again. But, like Nicole, she also couldn't help but believe in a eventual them so her friend's heart wouldn't end up broken. "I hope so," Dana responded. She added realizing that despite the fact that she avoided these conversations, it needed to be said, "And you know, you didn't have to bribe your way into being maid of honor. Like I'd ask anyone else."

With such a rare display of sincere kindness from Dana of course Nicole shed a few tears, but she tried to contain herself from becoming a blubbery mess knowing that if she did it would probably be the last time Dana acknowledged how close they had become. Yet, Dana surprised her further when she actually hugged back and didn't push her away when Nicole tearily launched herself at her.

Nicole thought, at least she was on the same page in one of her relationships because if she was getting married Dana would be her maid of honor too, she had easily become her best female friend. But then her relationship with Dana also made Nicole feel bad. She was keeping something from her. She didn't want to be, but honestly, she was still keeping it from herself. She knew it wouldn't be long now though before she couldn't deny it to herself any longer and when that time came she would absolutely tell her best _female _friend the truth. Until then, she'd just have to suffer through that little nagging bad feeling around Dana.

She didn't know it, but the events of Dana's life would be what would bring about the end of Nicole's denial. And the end was very near.

-o-o-o-

One week later Nicole sat on the couch with Chase at his and Logan and Dana's house and she was becoming increasingly anxious, but it didn't have anything to do with the fact that they would soon begin finals.

They had rented the whole first season of _Pushing Daisies_ because Nicole had heard it was good and despite the fact that Chase pointed out that it had been canceled and they'd therefore be disappointed in the unresolved way it'd surely end, she had somehow convinced him to watch it as their last big break before buckling down and studying for finals. Nicole had put so much effort into convincing Chase to watch it because she desperately needed something good to distract her from constantly wondering when and if Chase would come through on his promise to Dana and ask her out. She knew that Dana and Logan hadn't set a date yet, but Chase was supposed to ask and it had been one long week wondering when he was going to. She knew she was going to say that they should go as friends because she didn't want to pressure Chase and she couldn't handle getting her hopes up as high as they would be for a real date, but she still wanted him to ask. She wanted him to want to ask and she knew that no matter how he did (if he ever eventually did) she would have no way of knowing how sincere it would be. She'd have to have faith in them and risk that faith getting completely crushed.

Luckily, _Pushing Daisies_ was fantastic and served as quite a successful distraction.

Just as the first episode, "Pie-lette," ended Nicole exclaimed (having miraculously remained silent the entire episode), "I LOVE this show!"

"I know!" Chase agreed, "Did you see that cinematography, it was brilliant. That scene where they're lying down with the wall between them was…magical." Chase had recently declared his major as film and was into all of it from writing to directing to lighting.

They had been slouching next to each other, slightly leaning with their heads together, as they watched, but Nicole sat up excitedly and turned to face him bringing her legs up underneath her. Chase quickly followed suit. She gushed, "And the writing and the characters. I'm so in love with Ned and Chuck already. And, oh, oh, 'I thought my life would be better with you in it.' It's so simple and perfect and melt worthy."

Chase smiled, completely following Nicole's excited rant, and continued, "I know. And you're right. The writing is just on a whole other level. I love the narration and how it sounds all fairy-tale-like. And I love how it's funny and sarcastic and witty even though it's kind of a really depressing idea if you think about it."

"Oh yeah," Nicole immediately agreed, "The idea is so sad. Can you imagine being hopelessly in love with someone and never getting to touch them because if you did they'd die? That's unbearable." Later, Nicole would relate the situation to her own and think that she was better off than the characters. But even later, by the end of the summer, she would know of everything that could come of touching, and she would envy them.

Chase rambled about the direction for another ten minutes, and then Nicole about all the characters, but eventually they returned to watching the show and proceeded to the second episode.

Unfortunately, their second episode got interrupted when Dana and Logan returned and blocked the TV from view.

Instead of yelling or screaming, Chase simply raised an eyebrow at their choice of place to stand because they never did anything like this.

"We're getting married _this_ summer," Dana announced.

"End of August?" Chase asked knowing about what time they had originally gotten together and thinking that they wanted to get married on their anniversary.

Logan responded, "Mid August actually, so we have more time for a honeymoon-"

"And moving," Dana interjected.

"-before classes start," Logan finished.

"Moving?" Chase questioned.

"Yeah, well," Logan hesitated, seeming uncomfortable about having to explain, "we're going to get a place of our own somewhere around here and I'll sublet my room to anyone you want."

"Right," Chase responded, "I hadn't thought about it, but of course you guys would move out and want to have a place with just the two of you once you're married. And we can rent the room to anyone who will take it, I don't care if I don't like them, I don't want you to have to still pay for it once you're gone so just anyone is fine."

"We're right next to campus so having people want it should be a problem. So, really, you could pick anyone you want," Logan reiterated. Him and Dana were kind of hoping he'd choose Nicole. Nicole had put in to transfer to USC since she spent just as much time there as her own school and they thought maybe if they lived together they'd finally get together because even Logan could see how into Chase Nicole was and it wasn't like he was having a terrible time with her. And living together would be a drama free way of getting them together. They both feared that with the way things had been going- with Nicole seeing a them and Chase blind to it- there would be some big drama or something that would tear them apart and they'd only be able to be with Chase without Nicole and visa versa. And it may have been selfish, but they feared losing their friends, and they hoped that their now frequent medaling would help avoid that.

"Mid-August," Nicole realized, "that's less than three months away. We have so much to do!"

"Yeah," Dana agreed with a sigh. She knew they were taking on quite a task, especially since she knew nothing about weddings besides the basics and had absolutely no idea how to plan one. But her and Logan really didn't want to wait. She just wanted to get married and be married already and when she told Logan, he agreed.

"We can get started right now. I'll run out and buy some bridal magazines," Nicole offered.

Dana had thought about beginning immediately, but realized, "It would probably be best if we wait until after finals. They're over in a week and a half anyway." Nicole nodded. "You guys can go back to…whatever," she said with a glance to the screen, not at all recognizing what was on it.

"It's _Pushing Daisies_ and it's fantastic!" Nicole declared. She offered, "You can join us, we only just started the second episode, but we can go back and watch the first one again."

Part of the medaling they had been doing was leaving Chase and Nicole alone together as much as possible without being extremely noticeable, so Logan declined for them mentioning how they now had to call their parents and tell them about setting the date.

When Chase, who had the remote, didn't immediately press play once Logan and Dana had left the area in front of the TV and proceeded to their room, Nicole glanced at Chase to find him looking nervous.

"Nicole," he said in a voice an octave higher than normal and determinedly staring at the floor (or possibly his sock covered feet, Nicole couldn't tell).

"Yes," she answered. This was it, she realized. Her heart was pounding and her stomach was in knots and the seconds while he didn't say anything seemed to stretch on forever.

"Do you…you know," Chase stumbled, "maybe….want to go to Dana and Logan's wedding….with me….as, you know…my date?" Chase had managed to look at her when he got to 'maybe' and he was death gripping the remote in his right hand and his left leg was beginning to twitch with nervousness.

"Sure," Nicole agreed very happily with a smile.

Chase visibly relaxed, smiling too.

She hated this next part, but she knew she needed to say it for both of their benefits. "That's a great idea," she stated as if she didn't know what he had really meant (though only meant because of his conversation with Dana probably), "I mean, this wedding is going to be stressful enough already with it being well, Dana, and Logan, and a wedding. But now neither of us will have to worry about finding dates or ditching those dates while we have to pose for pictures and sit at the wedding party table and do all the other maid of honor and best man duties. But we don't have to go alone either and be all tragic. Now we have someone to dance with." Nicole forced herself to finish, "Going with a f_riend_ is going to make this a lot easier on us."

Chase seemed thrown for a minute, which thrilled Nicole, but then he agreed, "Right. Plus, by going as friends we both have the opportunity to meet someone at the wedding."

Nicole played along, "I've always thought weddings were such a romantic setting to meet someone in."

"Me too," Chase agreed, "it sounds super corny, but I believe in the idea where your eyes meet someone's across the room, you dance with them and when it seems like just the two of you exist then you know it's right and that's all, that's the person you're going to every wedding with."

"Yeah," Nicole acknowledged distantly, dreaming of room filled with people where she was the one he spotted across them, she was the one he danced with, and she was the one he wanted to be with. Like she did him.

He pressed play and she got to distract herself from further longing thoughts for a while.

-o-o-o-

With only three weeks left until Dana and Logan's wedding, Chase wasn't surprised to walk into his house and smell cookies baking. Nicole baked when she was stressed and with how the planning of the wedding had been going she had pretty much been baking every day. It wasn't Dana's fault; it was Mrs. Reese's fault- but that was a whole other story.

On top of everything, Nicole had signed up for a couple of summer classes (easier ones thankfully) so she could keep her room for the summer and have a place to stay since she had to be around to help Dana plan the wedding. Plus, her parents weren't crazy about paying for her to spend the summer there (and not with them) unless she either got a job or took classes so she was doing something more productive. Since she had yet to figure out what she wanted to major in, Nicole figured her time was best spent in classes instead of at a job. But all of it left her very on edge and in great need of the use of a kitchen so she could cook and bake her way to calmness. Luckily, Chase, Dana, and Logan were willing to let her have their kitchen at her disposal.

Chas had stopped at a table they had near their front door to sort through their mail, having shouted a hello to Nicole, when he heard her exclaim from the kitchen, "Fiddlesticks!" Naturally, he came running. Four giant strides later her found Nicole dropping a cookie sheet on the stovetop somewhat gracelessly and holding her right hand, gently blowing on her fingertips.

"What happened?" Chase immediately asked as he came next to her and took her injured hand and led her the short distance to the sink.

"The pot holder slipped and I touched the cookie sheet as I was pulling it out of the oven," Nicole explained and let out a small squeak as the cool water hit her fingertips.

Chase guided her hand to make sure all of her fingertips were being drenched in the water. He instructed, "You have to keep your hand there for ten to fifteen minutes. I've heard that that's what's best."

Nicole nodded and watched curiously as Chase walked away, wondering what he was going to do. Not that she expected or needed him to stand there and hold her hand for the whole time, but she wondered what else he would do.

He rifled around in the cupboards and after peering into a few and looking confused he asked, "Where are those racks you always use? You know, the ones I always see you immediately transfer your cookies to right after you take them out of the oven?"

"They're underneath the cake pans on the second cupboard on the left," Nicole answered automatically; surprised he had paid attention to her enough to know what her baking process was.

"Why do you do this anyway?" Chase asked as he grabbed a spatula and began putting the cookies on the now found cookie rack, "What does this do?"

"It stops them from cooking anymore," Nicole explained.

"Oh," Chase said in understanding, "right, because the cookie sheet is still hot."

"Uh huh," Nicole confirmed, still dazed that he had noticed something so small about her.

He finished the cookies and disappeared out of the kitchen and somewhere down the hall. When Chase returned he was carrying gauze and Aloe Vera. He set them down on the kitchen table and came back to the sink next to Nicole. He took the hand she had under the water, gently holding it under the water and craned his head down for a better look. "This looks pretty bad," Chase said as he examined her hand worriedly.

Nicole, however, was more worried that he could feel her racing pulse as he held her hand than about the burn, which actually didn't even hurt at this point. "I'll be fine," she assured, finding her voice.

"I don't know," Chase said, keeping hold of her hand but looking back up at her. "Maybe I should take you to the health center or the emergency room," Chase offered, concern shining through clearly in his eyes.

Nicole swallowed with difficulty as she turned her eyes away from him, glancing down at her hand still under the water, still begin held by his hand. (And ever so slightly and softly stroked, oh.) She sighed and forced herself to smile in what she hoped was a reassuring way and declared, "I'm really okay Chase. I've burnt myself in the kitchen plenty of times. And I've seen my mom do it too. It's not a big deal. Give it a few days and it will be like it never happened."

Chase didn't seem ready to give up on taking care of her so she continued to smile like everything was fine because she really needed him to stop caring before she deluded herself into thinking that he cared more than a friend and she got her hopes too high, only to find them later horribly crushed. She already had burnt fingertips, she didn't need her heart more crushed than it already was.

Finally, Chase gave in and agreed not to drag her to the hospital, but he wouldn't allow her to dress her own hands. She told him that she couldn't have bandages on all of her fingers, then she wouldn't be able to use them and she really needed them. He compromised and the bandages, which he put on agonizingly slowly, would stay on for the rest of the night and she could get to the things she needed to do tomorrow.

Chase then insisted on cooking them dinner. He made her spaghetti with his mom's sauce and she thought of the story he told her the previous summer about his parents. She tried not to read anything into it.

-o-o-o-

With all the stress leading up to the wedding, Nicole was surprised when the whole thing went off without a hitch. She was also surprised that Dana and Logan even went through with the whole big wedding thing (as requested by his parents who insisted on paying for it- they wanted a big wedding to invite all of their industry friends to). She and Chase had bets about how close to the big wedding they'd cave and elope on beach somewhere, which was how they had originally wanted to get married. Despite the fact that Nicole had just witnessed the ceremony, standing dutifully at the bride's side the whole time, and just been blinded by the amount of photos taken post ceremony, she was still suspicious that she had just witnessed their second wedding. But she'd ask Dana about that later, right now there was a reception to have fun at.

They had already spent time in the receiving line, her and Chase trading comments about meeting all of Logan and Dana's family as they did so. They had also already quickly eaten as much as anyone that's part of a wedding party actually eats at a wedding. Nicole had just finished checking with the DJ that he'd announce that couples should head to the dance floor soon when she spotted a familiar face about half way across the large banquet hall. And then she saw the familiar face spot someone near to them and Nicole felt distinctly like she had been hit by a truck.

"Zoey," Chase said, not quite sure he was really seeing her before him. He had been on his way to the kitchen to check on the timing on the cake coming out, as per Mrs. Reese's insistence. He hadn't even considered the possibility that Zoey was going to be at the wedding. Actually, he couldn't remember the last time he thought about her at all.

"Chase," she said brightly, "it's so good to see you."

"Yeah, it's been a while," he said, feeling awkward, but less awkward than he had thought. "How have you been?" he asked politely.

"Good," she said with slight uncertainty. "You look great," she added quickly, clearly trying to change the subject.

"Thanks," he responded, but somehow it didn't make him feel as good to hear her say that as it did when Nicole told him he looked very James Bond like earlier- the Sean Connery version of course. "You look great too," he returned and he meant it. She looked like the same old Zoey. Maybe a little bit…curvier though.

She opened her mouth to say something, shut it, and then blurted out, "I'm pregnant."

Chase's eyes widened in shock and his mouth hung open just a little. "Uh…congratulations," he stumbled, not sure what to say.

"Thanks," Zoey said and explained, "yeah I'm just over three months and starting to show so I wasn't sure I was going to come, but it's Dana and Logan getting married so how could I miss that?"

Chase nodded, "Wow, a lot's changed in the last year, huh?"

"Yeah," Zoey agreed, "And Chase, I know I should have said this a long time ago, but I'm really sorry for everything that happened between us. And I've missed talking to you this last year. Do you think you may want to sit down and catch up with me? Tell me all about USC?"

"Sure," Chase answered easily, pulling out a chair of a nearby table and gesturing for her to sit down. He took a seat next to her and he knew that especially because of how she had ended things between them he didn't have to talk to her at all, but for one, he couldn't say no to her about this, he couldn't be that mean. But secondly, he was really okay. Talking to a pregnant Zoey. The girl he had been in love with for so long, he had stood there and talked to her for a full three minutes already and hadn't imagined the happily ever after for them he always used to. He figured talking to him now may give him some real closure.

Across the room Nicole sighed dejectedly as she watched Chase sit down with Zoey. She had been so busy being maid of honor that she completely forgot that Dana had even sent Zoey an invitation, she hadn't even remembered to find out if Zoey had R.S.V.P.'d. And sure Chase hadn't mentioned Zoey in forever, but she was the love of his life and now he was with her again.

"So that's what you've been staring at," came a voice beside her that Nicole recognized, though hadn't heard in far too long.

Nicole turned her head from the scene and focused on her friend, "Was it really that obvious?"

"That you like Chase?" Michael questioned, "Yeah and I didn't even need to be here to watch you swoon over him, I figured that out by the way you did and didn't talk about him in your e-mails."

Nicole shrugged, "You're only about the hundredth person to know. I shouldn't really care anymore." A thought occurred to Nicole and she asked panicked, "Chase hasn't figured out I like him right?"

"No," Michael quickly assured, "he's really dense when it comes to noticing that a girl likes him." He gestured to where Chase and Zoey were sitting, "For example, he probably thinks that Zoey just wants to be friends again."

"No she clearly wants him back," Nicole interjected, "the small touches, the occasional hair flip, the laughing, she's so obvious."

"Yeah," Michael agreed, "but Chase won't see that."

"But he could fall for it," Nicole stated miserably.

"That he could," Michael responded, "but I actually wouldn't bet on it."

"Why not?" Nicole asked curiously since she would completely bet on Chase falling for Zoey again.

Michael smiled and leaned in as if he was telling her a secret, "Because all he talks about when he calls me is you."

Nicole's face lit up for half a minute, but just before she let out an excited squeal at the revelation she realized, "But that could just be because we do everything together and he doesn't have anything else to talk about."

"Maybe," Michael conceded, "But I don't think so."

Nicole wished she could be so sure. She didn't want to dwell on it though and if she didn't find a distraction soon she'd end up staring at Chase and Zoey all night. So, she changed the subject, "Where's your date?"

"I didn't bring one. Logan said he had some hot cousins to introduce me to," Michael explained.

"He does. I met them earlier. If he gets too busy to introduce you let me know and I can find them for you," Nicole offered.

"Thanks," Michael replied gratefully.

"Alright, we're going to be kicking off the dancing with an up-tempo number tonight," the DJ announced, quickly followed by "Ballroom Blitz" flowing through the speakers.

Michael smiled and asked, "Wanna dance?"

"Always," Nicole responded knowing that it would be just the distraction she needed.

"Wow, so you're going to be doing it all on your own," Chase said after hearing Zoey explain how she ended up pregnant. She had been in a serious relationship since early December and found out she was pregnant just a couple of weeks after the school year ended and the guy said he didn't want any part of it.

"Well I'll have my parents to help out and by the time the baby's seven months old Dustin will have moved back and he said he'd help too, so I won't be completely alone," Zoey explained. She spent the first month after finding out that she was pregnant and that her boyfriend therefore wanted nothing more to do with her crying, but she didn't tell Chase about that.

Chase thought that Zoey was amazing. She had clearly had her heart broken by some jackass, but here she was moving forward, staying strong. "You're going to make a great mom, Zoe," he said sincerely.

Zoey found her eyes stinging a bit at that because she really wasn't so sure. She felt like she had screwed everything in her life up. "Thanks Chase," she said appreciatively. They had pretty much only been talking about her and she had managed to leave out all the parts about she was barely hanging together, so she changed the topic to avoid it, "So, are you here with anyone?"

"Yeah, Nicole," Chase answered without thinking about it. He quickly noticed Zoey's surprise and explained, "She's maid of honor. With all of us going to school here we've become really close so we just decided to be each other's dates."

"But you're not together?" Zoey asked confused.

"No, not like that," Chase responded, confused about how he could even say it to come out sounding like that. That had never happened before. He elaborated, "She's just my best friend." His eyes found her in the crowd of people out on the dance floor, laughing and dancing earnestly with Michael. He sighed, "I understand now though why you were always such close friends with her. She's like the best friend ever. So much fun and so full of life."

"Yeah," Zoey agreed, feeling distinctly like she was missing something. She had a suspicion that she knew what that missing something was so she said, "Nicole's great. She talks so much sometimes though, you kind of get tired of it. But still, lots of fun."

Chase looked at Zoey like she was crazy (she wasn't missing anything anymore, now she got it), "I don't know. I never really feel like she talks too much. I mean, everything she says is interesting and important. It just seems like she has more things of value to say than the average person."

Chase had barely looked at her since he brought up Nicole, instead watching her out on the dance floor. Smiling like he used to smile at her. Zoey felt like an idiot. She knew it was insane and ridiculous, but part of her came to the wedding hoping to rekindle things with Chase, thinking that he may still love her enough to be okay with the fact that she was pregnant with someone else's kid. And she knew that wanting to be with him again wasn't fair to either of them because she really only wanted to be because she was so terrified of having to do this on her own (no with her parents and her brother- but still far too solitary). She looked away from watching Chase watch Nicole and realized she wanted him to be happy, and he wouldn't be trapped with her and her problems. She sighed and faked a smile she hoped looked real as she suggested, "You should ask her to dance."

Chase's eyes suddenly snapped back to hers surprised, "Huh?"

"You're best man, she's maid of honor, you have to dance with her at least once, it's only right. You should ask her to dance," Zoey explained.

Chase, ever the gentleman, responded, "I can do that later. I'm here with you now."

"Actually, I haven't congratulated the bride and groom, which I should probably do before this thing ends up over without me seeing them," Zoey said, giving him an out. She stood up and intended on carrying out her lie just so he could go, so she could let him (them) go.

He took the hint and stood up as well. "Well, I'll see you again before you leave right? You haven't even told me what Dustin's been up to."

"Like he tells me," Zoey replied playfully, but promised, "buy yeah, I'll see you later. I'm sure in catching up with everyone else here we'll come across each other at least one more time."

"Right," Chase agreed and glanced back to Nicole. When he turned around again to wish Zoey luck with the baby just in case he didn't see her again, she was gone, disappeared into the sea of people somewhere.

Chase made his way through the dance floor and tapped Michael on the shoulder, "Can I cut in?"

"Chase, I've told you, I don't dance with guys anymore," Michael joked. They all laughed and Michael agreed that of course Chase could cut in, he was off to find these hot girls Logan promised him. Nicole and Chase wished him luck just as "Nowhere to Run" faded out. Ryan Adam's version of "Wonderwall" faded in.

_Today is gonna be the day_

_That they're gonna give it back to you_

They had practiced this in dance classes, but Chase still took Nicole's hand and placed his other on her waist with uncertainty (or maybe nervousness).

She placed her other hand on his shoulder and smiled up at him reassuringly. Despite having attended many dance classes, they hadn't actually done that great in them and she had had bruises to prove it. She did have a great time in them though.

_By now you should've somehow_

_Realized what you gotta do_

Nicole looked up to find Chase's eyes on her.

He smiled noticing he was caught and said, "I've told you how amazing you look right?"

"Yes, but a girl can never hear it too many times," Nicole said playfully, trying not to take his compliments too seriously because she knew he was just complimenting a friend.

_I don't believe that anybody_

_Feels the way I do about you now_

"Seriously," he said purposely catching her eyes again. He said genuinely, "You're beautiful and not just thanks to that dress. Every time I'm in a room with you I know all the guys are jealous of me."

"Thank you," Nicole said softly, barely managing to get it out since Chase's eyes still held hers and something seemed different. Something seemed different about the way he was looking at her.

_Backbeat the word is on the street_

_That the fire in your heart is out_

_I'm sure you've heard it all before_

_But you never really had a doubt_

_I don't believe that anybody feels_

_The way I do about you now_

His eyes continued to stare into hers and she took a chance an let got of his hand, wrapping her arms around his neck and leaving him no choice but to wrap his around her waist.

He didn't seem to mind.

_And all the roads we have to walk are winding_

_And all the lights that lead the way are blinding_

_There are many things that I would_

_Like to say to you_

_But I don't know how_

She wasn't sure who made the move, but somehow they had gotten closer. While there had previously been space between them, space remained no longer. Their hips were touching, their chests were touching, their heads were practically touching.

He hadn't take his eyes off of hers and nor had she his. She hoped the whole room had disappeared for him as it had for her. By the intensity in his eyes, she thought maybe it had.

_I said maybe,_

_You're gonna be the one that saves me_

_And after all_

_You're my wonderwall_

Chase didn't know what he was doing. He hadn't noticed that he hadn't been able to take his eyes off of Nicole all night nor how he had wanted to dance with her, to hold her close, long before Zoey had told him to. And he didn't think about any of that now. Now, he wasn't really thinking of anything at all.

Now, he was just dancing with a girl that made the room melt away and he was mesmerized by it, by her.

_Today was gonna be the day_

_But they'll never bring it back to you_

_By now you should've somehow_

_Realized what you've gotta do_

_I don't believe that anybody_

_Feels the way I do_

_About you now_

His eyes left her for a second and flicked to her lips.

_And all the roads we have to walk are winding_

_And all the lights that lead the way are blinding_

She noticed where her eyes went and couldn't help her sharp intake of breath in surprise. She knew he could probably feel her heart racing, but this time she didn't care.

_There are many things that I would like to say to you_

_But I don't know how_

She boldly glanced to his lips as well, giving him a sign that the feeling was mutual.

_I said maybe_

_You're gonna be the one that saves me_

His eyes flicked down again and he began to lean in ever so slowly.

_You're gonna be the one that saves me_

_And after all_

She followed suit, deciding to meet him half way.

_You're my wonderwall_

_You're my wonderwall_

His eyes locked back on hers. And she had never seen that look in his eyes before, but it was there, he meant this. He wanted to kiss her. She had no doubt.

_You're my wonderwall_

_You're my wonderwall_

The music, which continues on for almost a minute in the song, was abruptly cut short as the voice of the DJ came over the speakers, "Okay it's time for the chicken dance now, which will be followed by the cutting of the cake."

Cake? Chase's memory suddenly clicked and he realized, "Crap, I never checked on the cake like Mrs. Reese told me to. She's going to be pissed. And worse, what if the cake isn't ready?"

Chase ran off in the direction of the kitchen before Nicole even had time to realize what had happened. And how could he just run off like that when he had been about to kiss her? She realized they had been interrupted, but he was about to kiss her! How could he even think of anything else right now? She certainly couldn't.

But then…

Maybe he could remember something and run off because it didn't mean anything to him. Not like it did to her. Yes, she had been sure he wanted to kiss her, and she hated to think that Chase was capable of it, but maybe he wanted to make Zoey jealous and he just wanted to kiss somebody.

It was time for the cake any minute now though and she had maid of honor duties to perform. She found Dana trapped by God knows who, clearly needing an extraction and she did just that.

After Nicole had rescued her from listening to some of Logan's father's friends prattle on endlessly, Dana said gratefully, "Thank you."

"No problem," Nicole responded and tried to smile, but this time, she didn't manage to.

Dana noticed something was off about Nicole and grabbed her arm and dragged her off and out one of the many exits to an empty hall. "What's wrong?" Dana asked, not bothering to beat around the bush at all.

"Nothing," Nicole quickly denied. This was Dana's wedding, it was her day, she wasn't going to even slightly mess with that.

"Just because I'm in a puffy white dress and you're my maid of honor don't think that I can't kick your ass until you tell me the truth, or that I won't," Dana threatened.

Nicole knew Dana wouldn't go through with it, but she made her point that she was concerned and not giving up. "First, your dress is not puffy," Nicole began.

"You try wearing it four hours and see if it doesn't _feel_ puffy," Dana retorted.

Dana raised an eyebrow so Nicole responded to the prompting, "I just can't do this anymore."

"Do what?"

"I'm in love with Chase," Nicole confessed. It was the first time she said it out loud. She continued, "It's not just a crush and I'm not getting over it. And I can't be in love with him anymore. I can't keep spending each day with him, falling for him more, and having each sign end up meaning absolutely nothing to him."

"You don't mean nothing to him," Dana was sure of it.

"I don't mean enough," Nicole admitted. She explained, "He just almost kissed me, but then it was like nothing happened and next time I see him and the time after that it will still probably be like nothing happened and I can't ignore it. I can't keep living ignoring it every minute of every day."

Dana took in the information and she understood. She knew that being in love with Chase had to be hell for Nicole. She also didn't want her friend to give up hope, she didn't want her to have to give up hope. She offered, "Maybe he doesn't acknowledge the almost moments because he's not ready to. Zoey _broke his heart_. Maybe he's still too scared to risk it."

"Maybe," Nicole agreed, "that's what I want to hope. But what if he really just doesn't think of me as more than a friend and never will? I can't keep hoping there will be an us and getting those hopes crushed each day as those hopes go completely un-validated."

"What are you going to do?" Dana asked fearing the answer because she knew it would change the comfortable life they had enjoyed over the last year.

"I don't know," Nicole responded honestly. She had some ideas, but she didn't know what she was going to do, she just needed to do something. She didn't really want to dwell on it now. This wasn't the time for this conversation or the place. She suggested, "We should really get back. You have a cake to cut."

"Are you sure you're okay?" Dana asked worriedly.

"I'll be fine. I just have to figure something out to make me stop falling for Chase," Nicole responded with an uneasy chuckle.

Dana grabbed Nicole's arm before she got to the door and asked, "Just promise me that you'll tell me as soon as you figure something out. Even if it is while I'm on my honeymoon. Promise you'll interrupt."

"Of course," Nicole promised easily.

"And promise that you'll give Chase a chance to acknowledge the fact that he almost kissed you and don't make your mind up about what to do any time really soon," Dana added.

Nicole agreed again, but she knew this promise would be harder to keep because she had learned that time would only break her heart more.

Nicole and Chase watched from the sidelines as Dana and Logan went through the traditional cutting of the cake. He smiled at her, but it was just a smile, just a friendly gesture. It wasn't enough.

* * *

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed the chapter and remember REVIEWS really are love. **

On a side note I think _Pushing Daises_ is fantastic and I was so mad when ABC canceled them. Still though, it's a great show and I highly recommend at least giving the first episode a shot- it's pure perfection.

**Part V Title: **Sleeping in an empty bed, can't get you off of my head ("Growing on Me"- The Darkness).

**Thank you for reading!**


	5. Part V

**A/N: Thank you again so much to all of you wonderful reviewers!**

Well, there's no news on the baby front. The due date came and passed and I still don't have a nephew. On the plus side, this allowed me to get twenty pages into the seventh part, which I most likely finish today or tomorrow- which is why I decided to go ahead and post this, what I believe is my favorite part of the story.

Also, this will no longer be just seven parts, but eight. There were way too many things that needed to happen in part seven so it has now been extended to eight.

Finally, I made a playlist on-line that you can listen to for free for this story. Of course a key song (two really) are included on it so if you don't have the music featured in this chapter and want to hear it, just head there. More details about the playlist are on my profile.

Anyway, I'm going to stop rambling now and let you get on with the first of the more massive chapters.

* * *

**Heavy Hearts

* * *

**

**V. Sleeping in an empty bed, can't get you off of my head**

A week had passed after the wedding and Nicole never brought up the almost-kiss. She was disappoint that Chase never gave it the slightest acknowledgement and she knew that that meant she had to got through with the plan she had come up with to save her heart- even if it was going to suck.

Chase remembered the almost-kiss; he remembered it quite well. He even dreamt of completing it every night that week, he just didn't remember when he woke up. But he didn't think he should do anything about it. It was a mistake, a really stupid one induced by seeing the former-love-of-his-life again and finding out she was pregnant. Right?

Nicole dreamt of the almost-kiss too. She dreamt of completing it and she remembered the dream when she woke up from it in the middle of each night. She cried every time because waking up reminded her that it wasn't real and probably never would be.

That was why she was standing on his front porch now. She was going to do it this time, she had to do it, time was running out and her heart was only breaking more with each passing day.

-o-o-o-

She was sitting next to him on the couch as he told her about the recent happenings at his horrid summer job as a lifeguard at a public pool, but she was barely listening.

But then he said a key phrase, words she had been dreading, "Once classes start again we should…"

Nicole had to stop this. She had to tell him now that there would be a "once classes started again." Not for them.

"Chase," she said interrupting him.

He noticed the serious, pained expression on her face immediately and asked, "Is everything okay?"

"No," she answered honestly shaking her head. She bit her lip in hesitation and explained, "I'm leaving." How crushed he looked almost gave her enough hope not to go through with this. Almost. She continued, "I kind of got lost on campus during spring term and ended up in the education abroad office and they had all these cool pamphlets on places to go and applications. On a whim I filled out a bunch of them figuring nothing would come of it because they mainly accept juniors and seniors, not sophomores. And I didn't get accepted by any of them. I did get wait listed for one of them though and they called yesterday and said they had a spot and it's mine if I want it. I talked about it with my parents and they think it's a great idea so…I think I'm going." It was the truth too. Except she hadn't gotten waitlisted. She had gotten into three programs and she had intended on turning them all down until she realized she may need one of them.

"Where?" Chase asked thickly. Not even looking at her anymore.

"London," she answered with difficulty. "It's…a good program. It's a wide variety of general ed classes so I'll be getting some valuable stuff out of the way and just maybe I'll figure out a major." When Chase didn't respond and a full minute of silence lingered on she admitted, "I know this sucks. A big part of me doesn't want to go because I love it here with you…and Dana and Logan. But, what if I got this opportunity for a reason? What if I'm not supposed to pass it up? And I've never gotten to leave the country before. I've never been to Europe or anywhere." She added, "It's only for a semester." At least that was all she had committed to at the moment.

"Right," Chase responded, finally looking at her again and trying to muster a smile, "You should go. It is a great opportunity and you're going to love London. I didn't get to see much of it when I was there- strict school- but it's awesome. And four months will be over before you know it."

"It's more like five though," Nicole admitted, "It starts a couple of weeks earlier than school here and if I'm going all the way over there and since I didn't come home for the summer, my parents want me to come home for a while first."

"When do you leave?" Chase asked truly fearing the answer.

"In a week," Nicole was sorry to say. But she needed this. She needed to get away from Chase so she could get over him and move on.

He looked away from her, at the ground for a while. He couldn't believe this was happening. He knew this was great for her. But he just couldn't imagine going a whole day without seeing her and when he did picture a day like that it completely sucked. He looked to her again. She seemed to be worriedly awaiting his response. "I'm going to miss you so much," he said sincerely.

He hugged her. Clinging tightly and lingering extra long.

She confessed as she returned the hug, "I'm going to miss you too. You have no idea."

They spent the week having an amazing time together as usual. Chase seemed so miserable about the idea of her being gone that she almost didn't get on her plane home. But she knew it was better for her heart if she did. So she did. And she stayed at home with her family for two weeks and got on another plane to London. She cried herself to sleep every night for the first month because when she talked to Chase over the phone he seemed fine without her. She cried because she had been right to get on that first plane and she had never felt worse about doing the right thing.

-o-o-o-

Chase was fine.

The first week passed and he missed Nicole. But she was his best friend, Logan and Dana were still on their honeymoon so he didn't have them around to hang out with, so naturally he'd be miserable.

The second week was worse. Logan and Dana were back, but he was still missing his best friend and still getting used to life without her so that was normal too. Right?

The third week passed and found he couldn't really sleep at night. But that couldn't have been related to Nicole because it wasn't like he spent nights with Nicole.

The forth week passed and he found himself ignoring his TV. Nothing on seemed as good anymore. And maybe it had something to do with Nicole.

The fifth week passed and he didn't really see the point of getting out of bed in the morning at all. Except to call Nicole, but he didn't really need to get out of bed for that either.

Towards the end of the sixth week he found himself driving down the highway when a song suddenly came on. He recognized it instantly. It was former American Idol contestant's Michael John's duet with Brooke White "Life Is Okay." Nicole played it in his car all the time (sang along with it and encouraged him to) and she always said that it was an amazing song, why didn't it ever get played on the radio? Now, he was listening to the radio and there it was. He actually turned to the passenger seat and almost began a conversation with Nicole as if she was there. In his excitement he had forgotten she was a continent and an ocean away.

It hit him like a semi-truck. His life was miserable, he was miserable, _without Nicole_. She made everything in his life better, she made _him _better. And he should have kissed her because he caught her eye across the room and when they danced it was like the rest of the room and everyone in it melted away. And he shouldn't have let her get on that plane six weeks ago because he should have realize she was exactly what he always wanted but had failed to recognize for a full year. And he should have known he was falling in love with her by the way his heart leapt every time she smiled-which it had been the _whole_ year.

He had been an idiot.

And now he was alone. Very, very, alone.

Life was not okay.

-o-o-o-

Chase was suddenly being awkward with her on the phone, but Nicole realized it was just the opportunity she needed to start calling him less. Talking to him only made her heart hurt and she was supposed to be getting over him, that was why she was thousands of miles away from him.

Around mid-September she started yawning on the phone with him a lot or only having a minute to talk because she had a class to get to or something or other depending on the time of day. She was doing this to set it up for the beginning of October when she'd tell him that trying to talk on the phone was too hard with the time difference and their class schedules.

By the end of October they'd only talk through e-mails. Nicole didn't want to stop talking to Chase. She didn't want to lose his friendship, but her heart needed space to heal and e-mails could be impersonal enough to have that space.

She tries not to feel guilty when he sends her two long e-mails for every short one she sends him.

-o-o-o-

After realizing he was in love with Nicole, Chase stubbornly tries to go back to denial. He can't be in love with Nicole. He can't be in love with another person who just thinks of him as a friend, fate could never be so cruel.

But then she's always yawning when he calls and he feels guilty for calling in the first place. And even guiltier when he doesn't hang up and let her sleep because he needs to hear her voice a bit longer so he can be okay.

So he easily gives in to her wishes and stops calling- they'll e-mail each other like nobody's business instead. Only she doesn't. And he feels like he's losing her. Until he remembers she was never his to begin with.

He sends her two e-mails per every one she sends him because he's desperate and he's not denying anymore that fate is that cruel.

-o-o-o-

In mid November Nicole awoke to the sound of her phone ringing annoyingly loudly. She looked at the screen and wondered why Dana couldn't figure out an eight hour time difference so she didn't get awoken at three in the morning. She would have ignored the call and gone back to sleep, but it had been almost a week since she had talked to Dana and with not talking to Chase she was feeling extremely lonely these days.

She answered, "Hi Dana."

"Look, I don't have much time. I promised Logan I wouldn't meddle anymore, but he's miserable without you," Dana said very rushed.

Nicole wasn't exactly awake yet and nothing Dana said made sense to her. She asked, "Uh…what?"

Dana sighed frustrated and explained slightly slower, "Logan thinks that our meddling with your and Chase's relationship only helped ship you off England, so I'm not supposed to tell you that Chase is miserable without you."

"What?" Nicole questioned again, still feeling like she was missing something. Or that this was just a dream and she hadn't woken up at all- that would actually make more sense.

Dana scoffed and said very annoyed, "Let me put this in terms you'll understand. This is _Maid of Honor_. Chase is the hot TV doctor, and you're the chick from _Eagle Eye_. You with me yet?"

Nicole hated to admit it, but that actually made a lot more sense to her. She didn't really believe it so she checked, "I think so. You think that because I left Chase has realized he likes me as more than a friend."

"Yes! Finally," Dana exclaimed. She sighed and added, "So you went over there because he didn't like you the right way, but I think he sure as hell does now so you can come back."

Crap. Nicole had been dreading this all week, "No I can't." Before Dana could question or interrupt, Nicole rushed on to explain, "I got offered this spot in this big deal program over here for next semester and…I'm accepting it." Nicole picked at her blanket and bit her lip. She hated this. She didn't want to be away, but she wasn't over Chase and she did need to get over him because as much as she wanted to believe Dana, she just couldn't.

"What about Chase?" Dana questioned.

Nicole sighed and explained, "I'm still in love with him. And maybe you're right. Maybe me leaving was a wake up call for him and he realized he wants to be more than friends. But he's not doing anything about it. And…we both know that I kept seeing signs of something more from him not because they were actually there but because I just wanted to so badly. And you're a good friend, I know you're looking for the signs just as hard. But maybe they aren't really there. And I can't come back without being sure or without being over him because I just can't put myself through that again."

Dana was silent for a long time before she asked, "When are you going to tell him?"

"Soon. I just...soon," Nicole responded. She knew this was something that she couldn't write over e-mail. She'd have to put her heart through a call and hope she didn't come out too shattered on the other side.

"I should go," Dana realized.

"Yeah, goodnight," Nicole responded.

"Nic," Dana began, "for the record, I think he's in love with you too."

She wished she was willing to risk her heart on an "I think," but it was far too battered for her to. She responded, "I'll believe it when he tells me."

With another goodbye Nicole hung up her phone. She didn't sleep the rest of the night. She analyzed her conversation with Dana, wondered why she thought Chase was miserable, and why she though he wanted her now. And she wondered what it would be like to talk to him again. She knew she would have to find out soon.

-o-o-o-

"Hey," she greeted, trying to sound chipper. And with that one syllable things already seemed super awkward.

"Hi…." Chase began, searching for something to say. He gave up after half a minute more of awkward silence and explained, "I was trying for something English to call you, but I've got nothing. I could have gone with a general "Princess" but that would be weird. The only famous English women I can think of are Princess Diana, Queen Elizabeth, and the Spice Girls and none of those seem like good things to call you either." He let out a nervous laugh and said, "I'm rambling. I'm going to shut up now."

Nicole giggled in response. She couldn't help it, he was just so adorable. She pointed out, "You can't shut up, I called you to talk to you not to be met with silence."

"Right," Chase agreed. "You called," he said as if just realizing it. They hadn't talked on the phone in seven weeks (two days, three hours, and ten minutes- but it wasn't like he was counting) so the act of calling didn't seem casual anymore. He asked, "Is something up?"

"Yeah," Nicole confirmed and tried to sound excited about it, "One of my professors really likes me and I love her class and she kind of recommended me for this elite English literature program over here. It's still an abroad program so it's a semester long, but they don't usually take sophomores and, thanks to her, they offered me a place. And… I…I think I should take it."

Chase knew he could either do the selfish thing and talk her out of it or the right thing. Given who he was, he knew which one he was going to do. He said as genuinely as possible, "Of course you should take it. It sounds like a great opportunity for your major."

"I haven't declared a major," Nicole pointed out. Though she had really been leaning toward one lately.

Chase sighed and resolved, "Yeah, but we both know it's going to be something like English or Literature because you were born to do about a dozen careers you could do with a degree like that. Plus, you love literature and language."

"How do you know me so well?" Nicole questioned, "Lately, I've been thinking that I'd declare English Literature. Then this program becomes an awesome opportunity for my major. One of the classes is a Bronte class! Can you believe it? I love books by the Bronte sisters so much!"

"I know," Chase said, starting to momentarily forget his own heartache because he knew how great this was for her. He continued being psychic revealing, "And when you apply for jobs as a teacher you'll have that great program on your transcripts and they'll hire you in a second."

"A teacher, really?" Nicole questioned. Not that she hadn't considered it, but she had also thought about fashion magazine writer- but then only one of them had the lifestyle she could really see herself in ten years down the road.

"Yeah," Chase said wistfully, "You can get anyone excited about anything. You'd be perfect for inspiring young minds. And sure you could write for_ Cosmo_ or _Elle_ or something and be fantastic at it, but what about when you have kids? And you can't pass up having kids. You're going to be the best mom ever and teaching would allow you to spend tons of time being that awesome mom."

Nicole agreed. That was exactly what she had been thinking actually. Fashion anything would be amazing for a while, but she had a feeling that teaching could be amazing always. Plus, she could take off from it for a while once she has a family and come back to it later. How hard would it be to do that as a fashion editor or something? She decided to see what else Chase knew about her and asked, "And what grade will I be teaching?"

"High school," Chase answered automatically. He explained, "You'd be amazing with younger kids, but you'd want to spend your time just with English and not with other subjects like you'd have to with younger grades. Plus with high school you'll get to be a part of or start clubs and chaperone dances and probably still help decorate homecoming floats- which we both know you love."

"Alright so we've got my future planned- and you're dead on for what I was thinking, but what about you? What are you going to do?" Nicole questioned.

"Well I predicted for you, it's only right that you decide what I'll be doing," Chase answered wondering what she'd come up with.

Nicole thought about it for a few seconds before offering, "You're going to write, produce, and direct. You'll start out producing and using other people for directing and writing because you won't have enough faith in your own work even though it'd be amazing. Then you're going to write a film and it will be great. Huge on the indie film scene. And you'll direct that movie too and every single shot in it will be strikingly beautiful. Then you're going to switch to TV because we both know how you love TV. You're going to write, direct, and produce it and it will be one of the best shows in the history of television because you'll put your whole heart into it and you have a good heart so everyone will love it and it will be amazing."

"Well if I'm going to be so great then maybe I should just skip over that initial period of doubt," Chase joked. He liked Nicole's idea for his life, but he truly didn't believe he was as capable of greatness as she did.

"No," Nicole said with finality, "You're not egotistical- which is a great thing. So you'll doubt yourself at first, but I'm sure you'll find something or someone to inspire you and give you the confidence in yourself you'll need to believe that you're great."

Right then, Chase was sure he already found that person. Right now, thanks to Nicole, he felt like he could be great.

A moment of comfortable silence passed between them. Chase was the one to break it confessing with a sigh, "You know I miss you. I know you should stay and I want you to so you don't miss out on something amazing, but I miss you. Constantly."

"I miss you too," she returned, trying to keep the tears at bay. She wished she could believe that he meant it the same way she meant it. She said honestly, "Part of me really wishes my professor didn't like me and recommend me for this program so I never found out about it because I'm kind of miserable here. I'm so lonely. It sucks." And it was mostly the truth, but a big part of the reason she was miserable was because she still wasn't over him. Her heart just kept on loving him even though it hurt.

God, he hated that she was miserable. He couldn't just let things continue on as they had been, both of them suffering half a world away from each other. Thinking quickly he began, "Agreed. So I have two proposals to make."

"Okay?" Nicole said questioningly, having no idea what he could be thinking.

"First, we can't just e-mail anymore. Clearly that's not working. We'll just have to try harder to talk on the phone and video chat. Even if it means we talk while I'm eating breakfast and you're eating dinner. Even if it means that we're IM'ing while I'm in class and you're getting ready for bed or something. You know, …we just have to…try harder," Chase offered.

"I'm in," Nicole said quickly. She'd tell herself that should couldn't have turned him down if she wanted to keep his friendship, but really, she just missed him and she couldn't pass up an opportunity to sort of have him back. "What else were you thinking of?" she asked.

Chase turned on his computer as he explained, "Well, you just got a huge…thing, a place in a big deal program, which calls for celebration."

"What were you thinking?"

"Video chat dancing," Chase pitched.

"You said you'd never do that again," Nicole reminded.

Chase shrugged even though she couldn't see it and reasoned, "Well, I may have been a little hasty in that decision." Mostly because he just wanted to see her again.

"What song?" Nicole asked eagerly.

Chase responded, "Your accomplishment, your choice."

Nicole thought for a minute and browsed through her iTunes library before deciding, "Scissor Sisters, "I don't feel like dancin'."

"Alright," Chase agreed, "I'm signing on to video chat."

They both popped up on each other's screens and hung up their cell phones.

"Hi," Chase greeted with a crooked smile.

"Hi," Nicole returned with a big smile of her own.

Maybe things wouldn't be so bad anymore.

_Wake up in the morning with a head like 'what ya done?'_

-o-o-o-

Four hours later Chase and Nicole ended their video chat because she had to get up for class again in three hours. But Chase still had half his day left and he knew he needed to talk to Michael.

Chase called Michael immediately and didn't even wait for Michael to say hello before he blurted out, "I think I'm in love with Nicole."

"Hello to you too Chase," Michael joked with a chuckle.

"Yeah, hi," Chase said rolling his eyes, "Did you not hear what I just said? I think the hugeness of it kind of supersedes 'hello."

"I heard you, but it's kind of old news," Michael revealed.

Chase spluttered, making noises that didn't result in any fully formed words.

After about a minute, Michael decided to pull Chase out of his shock by explaining, "Chase you're my best friend, I know you, so it wasn't that hard to figure out you were falling for your other best friend. She's pretty much all you talk about every time we talk, you've been miserable since she's been gone- post Zoey dumping you kind of miserable- and the only time I've seen you in the last year, at Logan and Dana's wedding, you didn't take your eyes off her even when you talking to Zoey."

"Do you think she noticed?" Chase asked worriedly.

Michael wished. It would save them all a lot of drama if everyone could just be more observant and direct. He answered honestly, "Nope. I'm positive she didn't."

Chase let out a sigh of relief. "Alright, since you're not surprised, then you should be able to help me figure out what I'm supposed to do now," Chase suggested.

"Get on a plane and go get her," Michael said as if it was obvious.

"I can't," Chase responded.

Michael didn't understand that, unless, "If this is about money, I know flights overseas are expensive, but a lot of us would be willing to help you out and loan you enough money to get you over there."

"No it's not that," Chase replied and explained, "I can't go to London again chasing after a girl. I can't go through what I did with Zoey, not again. I need to be sure this time that…that it's going to work. That I'm willing to make it work no matter what."

"And you're not sure of that with Nicole?" Michael questioned, catching on.

"I want to be," Chase admitted, "but I only realized that I want to be more than friends with her after she left and what if I just miss her?"

"So your real dilemma," Michael deduced, "is how do you tell if this is real when she's halfway around the world?"

"Yep," Chase agreed. "Not that there's any rush. She's not coming back until June, but I could wait until then to figure it out."

"Uh, no you can't," Michael quickly squashed, "you're lucky Nicole's been single this long, you can't afford to wait." Although if Michael was okay with betraying either of his friend's trust they wouldn't be having this problem, but he couldn't in good conscious do that to either of them.

Chase agreed. Now that he thought about it actually, why hadn't Nicole gone on a single date in the last year and a half? Surely she must have been asked out frequently. Well, he certainly wasn't going to ask her about it now since asking may result in her going out with someone else. "Okay, so now my dilemma is how do I figure out if I'm just missing her or if I'm really in love with her in as short amount of time as possible," Chase re-capped.

Michael thought about it for a couple of minutes before responding, "I wish I could help you out man, but I've got nothing. The biggest problem I've had in my social life in the last year has been trying to avoid dating the ex's of my fraternity brothers. I want to help you, but if you think you love her then just try to…I don't know, talk to her, hang out with her, and see if your feelings are still there."

"It's probably a good thing that I told her we have to keep in touch better from now on then, huh?" Chase speculated.

"Probably," Michael agreed.

Chase thanked Michael for his help and politely asked what had been going on in his life lately. When he hung up the phone twenty minutes later he couldn't help but smile at the thought of the following day. He was going to get to talk to Nicole every day from now on and that was something wonderful.

-o-o-o-

The beginning of December (phone):

"Did you know it _snows_ in London?" Nicole asked.

"Yes," Chase responded simply.

"Well I didn't," Nicole replied unconvincingly, "and now I have to go shopping because I didn't bring anything for snowy weather."

"Hmm…" Chase began thoughtfully, "Or did you not pack any of your snowy weather appropriate clothing because you wanted to go shopping for new clothes?"

Long pause.

"Maybe," Nicole drew out.

-o-o-o-

Christmas Eve (video chat):

"You know what we should do since we're almost on the same time zone?" Chase asked.

"Watch…" Nicole began and trailed off thoughtfully. She honestly couldn't think of anything that required them to be on the same time zone. If they watching anything other than live television wasn't effected by their time zones, nor listening to music, talking, or dancing. "Nope, I have no idea," Nicole eventually responded honestly.

"Stay up until it's Christmas together," Chase said as if it was obvious. He rationalized, "Of course it will be Christmas for you first by just a bit, but still, close enough." Closer, he meant. She was only a two hour flight away now, and it still felt so_ far_.

"But I'm so tired," Nicole whined. It wasn't that she didn't like the idea, but she had only gotten in three days earlier and oddly still suffering from a bit of jet lag. And it was a whole four hours until Christmas for her, five for Chase, she honestly didn't think she had the ability to be awake that long.

"You're tired?" Chase questioned incredulously, "You haven't been up since five in the morning after going to bed at two because _someone _insisted on watching _About a Boy_- again." Chase had tried to sound mad in his accusation, but failed miserably. He had had too much fun with Nicole to actually be mad at her. Plus he knew that if he had told her about having to get up early and get on the road to go visit his grandparents for their traditional Christmas Eve family breakfast, Nicole never would have suggested it.

"That's your fault, not mine, and you know it," Nicole reminded him since they had already talked about it earlier in the day. She knew she could question him further about why he even wanted to do this if he was so tired, but she also liked that he wanted to spend more time with her and she just could pass that up. She caved, "But fine, if you're in, I'm in. Let's stay up together until its Christmas for both of us."

"Alright," Chase said happily, "what do you want to do first?"

Within two hours they both end up in their beds, computers on their nightstands so they could still see and easily hear each other, laying down and barely awake. Both of their rooms were dimly lit and Chase had given in to Nicole's suggestion that they change into comfy pajamas. It didn't look like either of them would last until either of their midnights.

With an hour and a half left until midnight for her, Nicole realized that their had been silence between them for a really long time. "Chase are you awake?" Nicole questioned.

"Yeah," he replied, not bothering to open his eyes. "Almost fell asleep there for a minute though. It was so quiet." Quiet was quite unusual for Nicole, he questioned concerned, "Something on your mind?"

She turned away from her computer screen and stared at her ceiling. She confessed, "Sort of. Sometimes at night like this do you ever think about the past?"

Chase opened his eyes, glanced at the screen and saw that Nicole wasn't watching her screen, and stared at his own ceiling. "Yeah," he responded.

It was like they were lying next to each other, through laptop computer screens- video chats blown up to fill the screens.

"Matt's engaged, it was in the paper yesterday," she paused, "I used to think about him proposing to me. I know we were sophomores in high school and it was stupid to think it would last forever, but it seemed like he really liked me and that was enough for me to dream of a wedding and kids and…a life. If he didn't get the courage to go after the girl he really wanted- who is the girl he's engaged to- I think I'd still be with him. He wouldn't have really loved me, not like he loves her, but I would have accepted it as…enough."

Chase let the silence linger a bit before saying, "I didn't know you still thought about him."

"I wish I didn't," Nicole said regretfully. Her situation with Chase kept reminding her of it. She would have settled for a love that was much less than the kind she dreamt of because it was there and it was easy. And she didn't want to settle, not at all, but here she was, in love with Chase, and part of her knew that she may never not be in love with him, but that if he never felt the same way she'd marry someone else because she didn't want to be alone.

"Can I ask you something?" Chase questioned.

"Of course," Nicole responded, still not chancing a glance at the screen.

"There was something that happened senior year, between you and Zoey, and I always wondered what it was about. I don't know what made me think of it now, but do you remember that day she wasn't wearing the friendship bracelet you made her in eighth grade? Why did she do that?" Chase asked. Zoey and Nicole had been best friends, even when Nicole left, and he didn't understand what happened that made Zoey think that they weren't for that day.

Nicole remembered it well. She hadn't understood at first why Zoey wasn't wearing it, but she confronted her about it and it had been a misunderstanding that she had said she wouldn't talk about. But her and Zoey weren't best friends anymore. She had tried to keep in touch with Zoey freshman year, but it takes two people to keep in touch. She had to find out from Chase that Zoey was pregnant. Sadly, she didn't think they were friends anymore at all. She figured the question posed was safe to answer now, but she could still try to protect her former friend in honor of that former friendship. She responded, "It was just a misunderstanding. Zoey thought I told you a secret she didn't want told. We talked about it and when she realized I hadn't betrayed her she put the bracelet back on and we were fine."

"What did she think you told me?" Chase was quick to question.

Nicole didn't want to have to say, because she liked to think that she still kept her promises even if they were to a former friend, "Something that's not for _me _to tell."

Chase admired her loyalty, but he had a feeling he knew what it was, because he had been pretty certain about something he knew he wasn't supposed to know. He guessed based on past hints and tons of suspicions, "She cheated on me."

Nicole closed her eyes and let a couple of tears roll down her cheek for a friendship that seemed completely shattered. "Yes," she confirmed quietly.

"I thought so," he whispered as if he was telling her a secret, "I knew, that whole last year, it wasn't right. We weren't right. That's not what love is supposed to be like. And I think that was always our problem. I went to London and told her I loved her. She came back and told me she loved me. But then while we were apart she dated James. And I was half way around the world loving her still. I said I loved her and I meant that I didn't want to be with anyone else. She said it and…I don't know. It just didn't mean the same thing to her. And it has to mean the same thing to two people if they're going to be right for each other, right? It has to mean wanting to spend forever with each other not just deciding that you will. It has to mean they're the only person you're thinking about all day, not just that they're one of them. And I knew that we had those different ideas and by the last few months I knew we weren't meant to be, but I kept…loving her. It was like I couldn't help it. She'd break up with me and I'd always beg her to take me back, knowing that she'd break my heart again, …and suspecting that she was cheating on me. I don't know why I did any of it. It seems so insane to me now."

"As most romantic comedies say, love makes you do stupid things," Nicole said wisely and speaking from experience.

"Yeah," Chase agreed, thinking of a certain brunette and dancing to Britney Spears with her.

Nicole dared a small, quick glance at Chase. Stupid love making her think of him.

Chase, did the same.

They caught each other's eye and smiled.

"Hey," Chase greeted.

"Hi," Nicole returned quietly, turning over to face her monitor.

"This has been…depressing," Chase said with a chuckle.

"Well I suggested _A Christmas Story_, but you're the one that said let's try and not watch anything while we wait for midnight," Nicole reminded. Though, she had liked that he had suggested spending five hours talking to her rather than watching TV with her. That could mean he liked her, right? But somehow she still felt like she was grasping at straws in the "Does Chase like me?" Department.

"Right, and so we don't bring in Christmas all depressed let's do that now," Chase suggested.

When Nicole turned her light back on in her room, Chase could see that she had been crying (more than just a few stray tears). But Nicole always talked about the things she wanted to talk about so he didn't question her. He worried though. For weeks. And he'd wonder, why would Nicole cry when they were talking about love?

-o-o-o-

Mid-January (phone):

"Are you there yet?" Chase questioned.

"Almost," Nicole answered, "though I don't see why I had to go all the way to Hyde Park just to listen to a song."

"I'm trying to build an experience here," Chase defended.

"But I'm fr-freezing," Nicole said with her teeth chattering for both effect and because she was freaking freezing.

"What's the weather like?" Chase asked conversationally.

"Freezing," Nicole reiterated, but elaborated, "Surprisingly sunny and snow and rain free today though." She found an empty bench near the Serpentine River as instructed and sat down, "Alright, I'm here."

"Great, so I know his voice isn't the best, but the lyrics reminded me of you and…I thought you'd like it," Chase rambled. "Right, so here it is," Chase concluded poorly and pressed play and held his phone up to his speakers as Michael Penn's "No Myth" played.

The chorus was:

_What if I were Romeo in black jeans_

_What if I was Heathcliff, it's no myth_

_Maybe she's just looking for_

_Someone to dance with_

Nicole knew why Chase picked it, but as soon as the song ended he was talking a mile a minute explaining it, "Since you just officially declared your major as English Literature I thought you'd like the Romeo and Heathcliff references. And with your parent's tradition and the fact that you like to dance it just seemed like…you're looking for someone to dance with."

"I got it," Nicole assured, "it was perfect."

They talked for two more hours before Chase finally had to go. In that time, it suddenly didn't feel so cold out to Nicole.

-o-o-o-

Beginning of February (phone):

"I don't think I'd want to be a princess," Nicole said thoughtfully.

Chase's brows furrowed as he asked, "Did you meet William and Harry or something? What brought on this thought?"

"I was watching the _Princess Diaries_," Nicole responded.

"One or two?"

"One," Nicole answered, "And I realized there's a lot of obligation and rules for princesses. A lot of stuff that's fun that they probably couldn't do because it'd make them look bad. Like, if I was a princess I probably couldn't sing any of my grocery songs anymore because it'd make people say I was crazy and then I'd probably never be allowed to go to a grocery store again- if I was even allowed to in the first place because when was the last time you heard about a princess shopping for her own food?"

"You've put a lot of thought into this," Chase observed.

"My bus got stuck in traffic today," Nicole offered by way of explanation.

"Hmm, well," Chase contemplated, "First, if you were a princess and you did sing one of your grocery songs, besides being called insane, I think there's a really good chance you could have everyone in your country singing them. You're absolutely capable of starting a song revolution- or any kind of revolution. Plus, the songs are insanely catchy. I think I've gone to the grocery store with you less than a dozen times, but still, every time I'm there now I'll find myself down the cereal aisle singing, 'Oh, my captain, my captain, CRUNCH, Crunch, Crunch, save me from the evil Count Chocula."

Hearing Chase sing just the first line of her cereal song had Nicole laughing so hard her sides hurt. Once she calmed down many minutes later she asked, "Do you sing the canned food aisle song too?"

"You mean the one that starts out, 'Hot Jolly Green Giant, come be my hot Jolly Green man'? No, I manage to resist singing that one and saving at least a little of my dignity," Chase replied.

"I'll give you a hundred dollars if you do it," Nicole offered and added, "And video tape it, because I won't believe you otherwise."

"No," Chase quickly turned down.

"Pleeeease," Nicole whined.

"No," Chase refused again, "There's really nothing you could offer me that could make me do it so you might as well give up."

"You know 'give up' is not in my vocabulary," Nicole reminded, "bribery and begging, however, are. I will get you to sing the canned food song. It's just a matter of time."

"Sure," Chase said doubtfully and glanced at the time only to realize his class stared over a half hour earlier. He had been talking to Nicole for almost two hours and hadn't even noticed the time passing. It wasn't the first time he had almost missed a class because he was so wrapped up in her and it was far from the last.

-o-o-o-

Mid February (post Valentines- video chat)

Mid terms were approaching and both Nicole and Chase had papers that needed working on and books that needed to be read first. So, as had become quite common for them, they both had their video chat's turned on, had each other on their screens, and were working individually. It was Chase's turn to pick their music and he had Rob Thomas' iTunes Original version of "Disease" playing.

Suddenly he heard, "I got a disease, deep inside me, makes me feel uneasy baby, I can't live without you, tell me what I am supposed to do about it, keep your distance from it, don't pay no attention to me, I got a disease."

Had Nicole just sung along with the chorus?

Chase watched her through the corner of his eye (so it would appear as though he was still reading and not creepily watching her) and sure enough once the chorus came around again he heard, "I got a disease, deep inside me, makes me feel uneasy baby, I can't live without you, tell me what I am supposed to do about it, keep your distance from it, don't pay no attention to me, I got a disease, I think that I'm sick, but leave me be while my world is coming down on me, you taste like honey, honey, tell me can I be your honey, be, be strong, keep telling myself it that wont take long till, I'm free of my disease."

She had her legs up on her desk, hanging off the side and her feet bobbing in rhythm to the music along with her shoulders. Her book was resting against her legs and she still seemed to be reading as she- apparently unknowingly- sung along with the song.

Nicole finished singing out the rest of the song and by the time it was over Chase was no longer just looking through the corner of his eye, but had turned to fully watch her. He wasn't worried about being caught in his staring, he was far too entranced by her to have a single other thought than watching her.

After the song ended, after the studying ended, he thought about her singing along again and wondered if she would do it again. He began searching through his songs, looking for something that said things he was too afraid to really say. All he had to do was find the right thing and play it the next time it was his turn to pick.

-o-o-o-

First week of March (video chat):

Chase found tons of songs that said things that he was pretty confident he wanted to say to Nicole, but he realized he also needed something that seemed like a sing-along-song. But he was driven on in his fruitless seeming search by the fact that she had continued to sing along with songs either one of them played.

He actually found the song two turns ago, but he hadn't had the courage to play it. Today though, he looked at her smiling brightly when she greeted him and he thought she was perfect. Why the hell was he holding back?

He let them get settled in their separate school tasks, played a few other songs first, and finally hit play on the song he meant for her, "If it kills me," (from the Casa Nova Sessions) by Jason Mraz.

_Hello, tell me you know_

_Yeah, you figured me out_

_Something gave it away_

_And it would be such a beautiful moment_

_To see the look on your face_

_To know that I know that you know now_

_And baby that's a case of my wishful thinking_

_You know nothing_

_Cause you and I_

_Why, we go carrying on for hours, on and_

_We get along much better_

_Than you and your boyfriend_

Chase kept glancing at her discretely through the first two choruses. She didn't seem suspicious, which was good. But it also didn't seem like she noticed the lyrics that much. Hopefully, what he was about to do would change that.

As the chorus started, he softly sang along.

_Well all I really wanna do is love you_

_A kind much closer than friends use_

_But I still can't say it after all we've been through_

_And all I really want from you is to feel me_

_As the feeling inside keeps building_

_And I will find a way to you if it kills me_

_If it kills me_

As the chorus ended Chase chanced a glance at Nicole and found her staring back at him with a smile. She raised her eyebrow in question. He shrugged in return with a small smile of his own.

_Well how long, can I go on like this,_

_Wishing to kiss you,_

_Before I rightly explode?_

_This double life I lead isn't healthy for me_

_In fact it makes me nervous_

_If I get caught I could be risking it all_

He started singing again.

_Baby there's a lot that I miss_

_In case I'm wrong_

To his surprise, Nicole sang along with him for the chorus.

_Well all I really wanna do is love you_

_A kind much closer than friends use_

_But I still can't say it after all we've been through_

_And all I really want from you is to feel me_

_As the feeling inside keeps building_

_And I will find a way to you if it kills me_

_If it kills me_

They turned towards their screens, not bothering to pretend they were reading any longer.

Just Chase sang:

_If I should be so bold_

_I'd ask you to hold my heart in your hand_

_Tell you from the start how I've longed to be your man_

Nicole joined him for:

_But I never said a word_

_I guess I'm gonna miss my chance again_

Nicole hummed along with Jason Mraz.

Their eyes connected and with smiles they finished out the song together.

_All I really wanna do is love you_

_A kind much closer than friends use_

_But I still can't say it after all we've been through_

_And all I really want from you is to feel me_

_As the feeling inside keeps building_

_And I will find a way to you if it kills me_

_If it kills me_

_If it kills me_

_I think it might kill me_

_And all I really want from you is to feel me_

_It's a feeling inside that keeps building_

_And I will find a way to you if it kills me_

_If it kills me_

_If it kills me_

_It might kill me_

Silence lingered on for about half a minute after the song finished and they just sat with their eyes locked together before Nicole finally said, "For my next birthday, the big twenty-one, we're going to a karaoke bar and now there is no way you're getting out of singing with me."

Chase smiled and replied, "Well if it's for your birthday, how can I say no?"

"But we can't sing that song," Nicole declared, "I love it, but that's just for us. For a crowd I think we need something more upbeat. Like the canned food aisle song."

"I don't think they'll have that on a karaoke machine," Chase pointed out.

"I guess we'll have to go acapella then, which is perfect since it's the way the song was meant to be sung," Nicole reasoned.

"Sung without me," Chase added.

"But you said you couldn't say no to me on my birthday and I want you to sing the canned food song with me at a karaoke bar," Nicole reminded.

"No," Chase denied, "Hey, look at that, I can say no to you for your birthday, especially when it concerns the canned food song."

Nicole scoffed and said jokingly, "You know sometimes you're so not a good best friend."

"Ditto," Chase returned smiling.

A beat of silence passed and then Nicole whined, "Pleeeeeeeease. Pleeeease sing it with me."

"No," Chase turned down easily, "I told you to give up on this. I'm never doing it."

"And I'm never giving up," Nicole vowed.

-o-o-o-

Mid March (phone):

Chase was heading to class as it was nearing noon for him, nearing midnight for Nicole who he was on the phone with, naturally.

"Hmm, I don't think I have a favorite episode of…_The Nanny_," Chase responded.

"You don't watch _The Nanny_?" Nicole exclaimed incredulously, "But it's the best thing to happen to Nick at Night since _The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air_."

"Well," Chase began, but was interrupted by his phone being snatched from his hand.

The phone thief- aka Logan- said to Nicole (it wasn't like he had to check the screen- these days there was a 99.9 percent chance it was Nicole), "Hey Nicole. Chase has to go now, I'm sure he'll call you back later."

"What was that for?" Chase demanded, both utterly confused and angry.

"We need to talk," Logan said seriously.

"About?" Chase asked, having only one idea what could be so important that Logan interrupted his Nicole time- but he really didn't think Dana was pregnant, was she?

"What apparently no one is willing to say to you," Logan responded, "Mike told me that he offered to help you pay for a plane ticket to go see Nicole- as soon as you're sure you're really in love with her."

"Yeah," Chase confirmed slowly, not having any idea where Logan was going with this.

Logan reached out and smacked Chase upside his head.

"What was that for?!" Chase cried angrily.

"For being an idiot," Logan replied simply, "First of all, you told Mike but you didn't tell me? You were my best man?"

"I didn't tell you?" Chase interrupted. He honestly thought he had.

Shaking his head Logan responded, "No."

"I thought I had," Chase explained, "You and Dana seemed to know. I mean, Dana was the first one to bring up the idea of me and Nicole a long time ago."

"Of course we know. You've been making moony eyes at your phone for months now, but still, it would have been nice if you said something," Logan retorted. He shrugged and continued, "But that doesn't really matter. You don't know if you're in love with Nicole? You only think you are? And you asked Mike for help? I've been exactly where you are, remember? You didn't think I may be able to help?"

"I didn't think of that," Chase said honestly. He defended his lapse in thought reminding, "But how was I supposed to remember the start of your relationship with Dana when you didn't tell anyone about it?"

"That's beside the point," Logan quickly bypassed, "But I know where you are. I found Dana really irritating in eighth grade and then I see her again, four years later and we have this amazing two days together. Then I come back and she's all I think about and I wanted to get on a plane and head right back to her. But I didn't get on a plane for some of the same reasons you haven't. I didn't know if it was real. It was only two days, it seemed insane that I wanted her that badly after only two days together. You know what helped me figure out if it's real though, and what I think you should do? Date someone else. Try to go out on a few dates- with girls you could/should actually be interested in if Nicole wasn't in the picture. And if she's still all you think about then you'll know it's real."

Chase thought about it for a minute. It kind of made sense. He responded, "That's not a horrible idea. But I…I can't imagine even going out with someone else. And I positive I'd think of Nicole the entire time."

"Really?" Logan asked doubtfully.

"Yes," Chase responded certainly, "What, you don't believe me?"

"No," Logan said honestly, "Look, when I figured out I wanted something with Dana, I was terrified so I took things slow, but I still went after her every chance I got. And if you're so certain, why aren't you going after Nicole?"

He had a point. The truth was, Chase never looked up plane fares or cheap hotel rooms. He had made absolutely not even the slightest move towards really trying to make her his. The best he had was the song, and he never told her what it was supposed to mean, really it was just another missed chance. "I don't know," he replied honestly.

Logan sighed and resolved, "Look, me and Dana and…everyone, we want both of you guys to be happy so we've been encouraging something to happen between you guys. We make sure we don't call you or drop in to see you when we know you'll be talking to her to make sure you have un-interrupted time together. But the thing that nobody's sayin' is that you're starting to cross a line and you have to remember that Nicole has had her heart broken too, just like you. You can't string her along. That first year with Dana, most of the time when we said goodbye, it really had to be goodbye, because I didn't know if I'd get to see her again so I couldn't promise her anything. Don't promise Nicole anything you're not positive you will come through on because this time, you'll be breaking the heart of someone you love, someone who's already had their heart broken, if you do. And you should remember what it's like to be on the receiving end of that." With that, Logan handed Chase his phone back.

Chase was lost in thought, but managed a thank you for the return of his phone.

Logan took out his own phone, which had been vibrating in his pocket the entire time he had been talking to Chase. He read the screen and announced, "Nicole does not like being hung up on. She called me twenty times. And by the looks of things, told Dana what I did and now I have angry texts from her. It's gonna be a long day. I'll call Nic back later, let you continue with your conversation now. Later."

Logan headed off to his intended destination of the library as he called his wife to explain.

Chase stood, immobile. After what Logan said, he was suddenly glad for whatever had been holding him back from telling Nicole how he felt. He didn't want to be the second guy to break her heart. And he realized he loved her six months ago, but he never once tried to eliminate all the space between them in that time. Every time he had begun to try, he ended up letting it pass him by. That hesitance, that uncertainty, it wasn't the guy Nicole wanted, or deserved, but it was one that could hurt her if he did tell her how he thought he felt and things surely would fall apart.

Chase didn't call Nicole back that day.

-o-o-o-

End of March (phone):

"Did you know that James Blunt sold his sister on e-bay?" Nicole asked.

"No. He what?" Chase asked, thinking he must have misheard.

"He sold his sister on e-bay," Nicole repeated, "It's such a cute story. She needed to get to a funeral in Ireland a few years ago and, I don't remember why, but there weren't any planes or trains or anything. So he goes on e-bay and posted something like 'damsel in distress seeking knight in shining armor to get her to a funeral in Ireland.' The guy who won had a helicopter and took her there and they ended up getting married a few years later. He totally helped get his sister a happily ever after. Isn't that amazing?"

"Yep, quite a story," Chase agreed, "But I'm at class now and remember, I can't be late to stuff anymore so I've really got to go."

Chase had apologized for not calling Nicole back and he tried not to be any different when he talked to her, but he was mad. He was angry with himself for not being one hundred percent clear and confident about how he felt. He was mad at himself because he knew that he couldn't be with Nicole with that uncertainty- that'd it only hurt her. And all that didn't leave him in the best mood.

"Right," Nicole agreed glumly. Chase had been different lately. Something was wrong. She suggested, "How about you take me to class? I've always wanted to audit a film class, see what they're like, and if we sign on to video chat I can do that from the comfort of my own bedroom."

"I don't know," Chase hesitated.

"I'll be good. I promise. I just want to see what your class is like and if maybe I want to take something like it for some of my general ed requirements," Nicole persuaded.

Chase sighed and caved, "Fine. I'll be on as soon as I'm sitting in the class."

Chase did as promised. He found a seat in the back so there wouldn't be anyone behind him to see he had a girl on his screen. "Hey," he greeted unenthusiastically as Nicole popped up on his screen.

"Gee, don't be too glad to see me or anything," Nicole said dryly.

"What?" Chase asked confused- he was unaware that he'd been so moody.

"You've been weird lately," Nicole began, "It's like you're constantly in a super grumpy mood."

"Nuh huh," Chase denied in a whisper, "And what happened to being good? I'm in a class and it's about to start. We can't talk."

"Fine," Nicole huffed.

Chase's professor began class. It was his History of Television class and today the lecture was on the history of the variety show.

Chase was trying to pay attention. He had his pen poised over his notebook (balanced on his leg instead of his desk since he had his laptop out on the little slid away table) and he took occasional notes. Just as his professor began discussing the Jack Benny show Chase noticed movement on his computer screen.

Nicole had gotten a notebook and a black marker. She wrote on the paper, "Hi," with a giant smiley face. She flipped it over to a clear sheet once she saw that he saw the note as she held it up to the camera in front of her. Next she wrote, "I think Grumpy Chase needs cheering up."

Chase shook his head when he read her second note. He had a feeling that whatever 'cheering up' was, it was loud.

Nicole got up and pretended to walk down some imaginary stairs and then she took the imaginary elevator, a la _Austin Powers._ She sat back in her desk chair and leaned in to her web cam and decided she'd simply have to make funny faces until Chase cracked.

It only took a few minutes before Chase burst out with laughter. Lucky for him it was when his professor happened to be showing a clip of an old Jack Benny sketch and everyone just thought he found the old humor a lot funnier than they did.

"I hate you," he muttered with a smile.

"You love me," Nicole wrote in reply on her notepad.

Yeah, he really thought he did. That was the problem. He thought he loved Zoey too, and look how that turned out.

He looked at Nicole smiling at him and wished he could have faith in his feelings.

-o-o-o-

Beginning of April (video chat):

"I can't believe you're doing this," Chase said in a hushed tone.

"Why? Is this really a surprising thing for _me_ to do?" Nicole asked.

"Right, good point," Chase agreed. "But video chatting in public? Isn't it…weird?"

Nicole laughed, "Please, this is far from the strangest thing I've done in public. And why are you whispering? Remember I'm in public. I can barely hear you. Plus, shouldn't you stop questioning me and be appreciative. If it wasn't for my willingness to video chat in public you wouldn't have this lovely view of the Tower Bridge."

"Yeah, I can't believe you found an outdoor café with wireless internet that had such a great view," Chase replied, trying hard to talk in a normal tone of voice. He didn't have Nicole's confidence though so the urge to whisper was hard to fight.

"So, did you get that announcement from Zoey?" Nicole asked conversationally. She had been surprised her former friend even tracked her down to send her one- which she felt guilty for being surprised.

"Probably, but the mail has been piling up on me, haven't had time to go through it. But I saw it at Dana and Logan's the other day," Chase responded, specifically not commenting on seeing an announcement of the former love of his life having a baby girl and seeing a picture of the two of them (a picture he once thought he wanted nothing more than to be in eventually).

"It's a cute picture of Zoey holding the baby. And Mia May Brooks is the most adorable baby ever. I love the name too. I always knew Zoey would pick a good name because we'd talk about it. Mia was never one she mentioned though," Nicole rambled. When Chase didn't respond she chewed her lip out of habit before blurting a question she had been wondering for months, "Have you talked to her since the wedding?"

"Nope," Chase responded honestly. He felt kind of bad about it too. She had been sorry and wanted to be friends again and he said he would. Plus, he knew she was going through all this all by herself (basically) and could probably use another friend. "I should probably call her now though, huh?" he asked.

"Yeah," Nicole agreed, "I did when I got the announcement yesterday to say congratulations. We spent like two hours catching up. It was nice. She told me all about how she ended up pregnant and what happened with the douchebag father even though she already correctly assumed that you had told me about it. And then she told me about how hard it's been this first month with the baby and how she had to take a leave from school and find a job that was willing to hire her while very pregnant. She's been through a lot lately. Oh, I had been wondering how she found me and she had called my parents, they invited her to visit with the baby over the summer and I told her that she absolutely should. They love her and miss her and I want to see her too, it's been too long. Plus, she moved back in with her parents a while ago and it sounds like she could use some time away."

Chase had latched on to something while Nicole rambled and asked, "So the father still doesn't want anything to do with his kid?"

"No. Zoey said she sought him out again when she was in her third trimester because she thought maybe he had just needed time to get used to the idea, but he still didn't care that she was pregnant, that it was his kid. And she told me about how he was before she got pregnant. He sounded like a sweet, thoughtful boyfriend so his behavior just doesn't make any sense," Nicole responded.

"Well, ditching your kid never makes sense. It's just insane that he can know he has a kid out there and not want to be a part of her life," Chase said angrily. Zoey may have hurt him badly, but he hated that this had happened to her. She didn't deserve to be treated like she didn't matter and neither did her daughter.

"Yeah," Nicole agreed. She added, "But don't say anything like that to Zoey. I got the feeling that she doesn't like even thinking about how there should have been a third person in that picture she sent with the announcement."

"Thanks for the tip," Chase said graciously. He felt like it would be just like him to say something stupid to Zoey…or anyone for that matter.

They sat in silence for a minute, staring at their respective laptop screens.

Chase sighed and confessed what he had been thinking, "I miss you, you know."

"Yeah, I miss you too," Nicole agreed, wishing that she was lying. She didn't want to miss him so much and she didn't want to still be in love with him like she was. But somehow going away from him had only managed to help her fall for him more-if it was even possible. And yeah, he kept saying that he missed her, but they were friends and he still hadn't given her any real sign that he wanted or even could want more with her. So, she still needed to get over him, but she'd have to do it at home from summer on because she couldn't be this far away from everyone anymore. A year away was plenty.

Chase's brows furrowed as he watched his screen and he asked, "Is the bridge moving?"

Nicole turned around and surely enough the bridge was slowly beginning to rise. She clapped her hands together excitedly and turned back to the screen as she explained practically bouncing out of her seat, "The bridge is raising! That's supposed to be so rare for someone who doesn't live here to see that it's good luck if you do. Technically my home is in the states and so is yours so it's good luck for both of us! You know what this calls for? The happy dance!"

"You're going to do your happy dance in the middle of the café? In _public_?" Chase questioned, not at all understanding how she could be so uninhibited- he could never be like that.

Nicole rolled her eyes playfully, "Like it's the first time you've seen me do it."

"Right again," Chase agreed.

Nicole rose from her seat, pushed her chair in and began flailing her arms and bouncing around to an imaginary beat in front of the web cam on her laptop.

Chase wondered how she always managed to seem so graceful, even when she was doing something ridiculous.

Then, it happened so fast he didn't even see it coming at all.

One second Nicole was dancing happily in pretty purple sundress and the next there was a guy who knocked into her, almost sent her to the ground, but managed to catch her instead. Suddenly, she was in the arms of another guy.

"I'm so sorry," he said immediately apologizing. He then seemed to notice the beautiful brunette in his arms and said with an ever so charming simile, "You'd think I would have noticed a gorgeous girl and not rammed right into her like a klutz."

He was good looking. Sandy blond hair, tan but not overly so, and chiseled. By his accent, he was also American. He looked like the type of guy Chase always thought Nicole was looking for.

"It's alright, no harm done," Nicole said returning the smile. For the briefest of seconds while this strange man saved her from the fall he initially induced, Nicole actually forgot about Chase and it was nice. It was nice for her heart not to ache more with every single beat for a second. Thus the smile at the stranger, because it was nice, briefly. "It's probably my fault," Nicole continued, "I should really know better than to dance in public anymore. It always turns out…hazardous. But I was just celebrating seeing the bridge raise with my friend…" Nicole went to gesture to Chase on her laptop screen only the window he had once been in was closed. Strange.

The man offered to buy her a coke or something to apologize (and to join her for that drink). She couldn't think of any real reason not to accept, so she did.

Chase saw the scene playing out in front of him and it was clear the guy was interested in Nicole (who wouldn't be?). And by the way she smiled at him he figured he was right in thinking the guy was her type. He really didn't need to see her get asked out so he hastily signed off video chat.

When she'd ask him about it later he'd tell her that he didn't think it would look good for her to be talking to a guy, might scare off the stranger (Noah). Which was partially true. He knew what it would look like to the other guy (Noah) if he was seen as the person Nicole was dancing for and he knew she probably wouldn't have been asked to have drinks with the guy (Noah) and then later out on a date with the guy (Noah) if he didn't disappear. He knew he could have prevented it all with the guy (Noah-who's name he still refused to say, saying it would make it more real). But he couldn't hold on to Nicole, right? She wasn't his and he had doubts so unless he wanted to hurt her (he'd rather be horribly murdered), he had to let her go and be someone else's.

Not that she was ever his to begin with.

Right?

-o-o-o-

Mid April (no phone, no video chat):

It had been two weeks and Chase had to say his name now. Noah and Nicole had been on four dates, and he had to hear her talk about all of them. But it was his fault, right? He couldn't complain, he did this.

Still, he didn't want to hear all about Noah so he tried to be less available lately. His classes were pretty difficult this quarter anyway.

With having told Nicole that he had to go to a study session for an upcoming mid-term, he had some free time so Chase decided to finally sort through his mail. There was probably important bills to pay anyway.

He found the announcement from Zoey about the birth of her daughter. Only his was different than the one he had seen at Logan and Dana's. His had a message.

On the front was the picture of Zoey holding Mia and printed on the back was the details of her birth (date, time, weight, length, hair color/eyes, etc.), but he also had a hand written message:

_I get why you didn't call like you said you would, but why am I sending this to LA and not London?_

_-Zoe (who still wants to be your friend)_

Why wasn't he in London? He didn't have an answer for that. In fact, it had been all he could think about for a while now.

Why the hell wasn't he in London?

He wished he knew

* * *

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed this part and, as always, keep in mind that REVIEWS do equal love. **

**Part VI title:** For all the times I never turned her way, now she's here on someone else's arms (AKA-Oh it's been ages, since we've been really honest). Yes, there was really two things I had to have for titles. The first is from The Kooks "See the Sun" and the second is from "Stuttering" by Ben's Brothers.

**As always, thank you for reading!**


	6. Part VI

**A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who's been reading and reviewing! You guys are the best:)**

I know this update has taken me a while and I apologize for that. I spent most of last weekend at the hospital and was thus unable to write. The good news is that I am now an aunt to an adorable baby boy named Nico.

As far as progress on finishing the story goes, I made it through part seven the same day I posted part five. However, due to recent busyness, I'm only 15 pages into part eight- the last part (I'm fairly sure it is at least). I'm hoping to finish it soon though and when I only have a page or two and proofreading left, part seven will be posted so when it is, know that the end is very near.

* * *

**Heavy Hearts

* * *

**

**VI. For all the times I never turned her way, now she's here on someone else's arms (AKA-Oh it's been ages, since we've been really honest)**

Summer came and Nicole returned to the states. She decided to spend the summer with her family since she had missed them terribly. Plus, it would be a lot easier for Zoey to come from Louisiana to Kansas than Louisiana to California to visit, which she did for the Fourth of July.

Noah, it turned out, was from LA too. He was doing a spring and summer abroad program though his university- Loyola Marymount University. So, come fall they'd be in the same place again.

They had dated through most of April and May. And she had a good time with him. Not like she did with Chase…but still, a good time.

The first time he kissed her, she didn't feel anything. She knows that's not right, but Chase doesn't seem the least bit affected by her dating someone (as she knows she would be if the situation was reversed). So, she kisses him again and hopes that eventually, she will feel something.

She talks to Noah a lot over the summer, making plans for the fall when they're together again. He really is a great guy.

She and Chase don't talk very much at all. She doesn't know why. She hates it. She misses him still.

-o-o-o-

Chase returned home for the summer. He needed to get away from places that reminded him of Nicole. From people who knew that he let her go and kept calling him an idiot for it.

Even his roommate-the rather illusive Jerry who had moved in at the start of last school term and who had never met Nicole told him, "You can't let a girl like that go. She's as hot as you can do." Jerry wasn't particularly eloquent. He was a quasi friend of Logan's who was there on a football scholarship. He didn't hang around the house too much, he never brought random girls over, and he was surprisingly neat. In a year that was all Chase had learned about him, so that he even knew about Nicole seemed surprising- it wasn't like they talked.

So, Chase went home for the summer hoping to escape people telling him he did the wrong thing (especially that annoying voice in his head). As soon as he got there, his mom's first question was, "How's Nicole?"

It was a long summer.

He worked at one of those chain restaurants that had old junk hanging on the walls and expected him to be peppy about serving people twelve-dollar burgers. He had a feeling he'd get fired by the end of the summer.

After moping around his house for a month, Chase's mom began suggesting that she could set him up with someone. He figured maybe it was time that he gave it a try. It had been over two years since he had been on a date and the only person he thought about dating in that time was now in a relationship, so why not let his mom set him up with someone? Sure there was the reason that he actually wanted to be with Nicole and that the last time his mom set him up he ended up with Rebecca…but yeah, he'd give it a chance anyway.

He went out on four dates with four different girls. Just as he had predicted to Logan months ago, he thought about Nicole the entire time. So at least dating made him sure that he was indeed in love with Nicole.

He just still wished he knew why he had never gone after her or why he decided to let her go- a decision which he spent every single second regretting.

And then he'd remember that she had never been his to begin with and he hadn't let her go really, he just watched from the sidelines as she lived her life and did absolutely nothing to make sure he was a part of it in the way he really, really wanted to be.

Maybe he needed a therapist, he was obviously screwed up.

-o-o-o-

When Chase returned to school in September, Nicole was at his house waiting for him. He found her on the couch talking to Jerry- apparently getting to know him a lot better than Chase did by the way they were both yammering on.

She flew from the couch when he entered the house and launched herself into his arms. "Chase! I missed you so much!" she squealed as she wrapped her arms around his neck tighter.

He wrapped his arms tightly around her waist in return and realized he might be in real trouble, because now that he was holding her how the hell was he going to let her go? He inhaled deeply and suddenly officially had all of his senses invaded by Nicole. And he wished it could be that way forever.

Eventually, she let him go and Jerry left them alone to catch up. They went to his room, laid on his bed (head to feet, feet to head), and stayed secluded in their ChaseandNicole bubble for hours. No mentions of Noah. No mentions Chase's poor attempt at dating over the summer. Just them.

The bubble was abruptly burst when Noah called Nicole to say goodnight at midnight. He's back technically, Nicole explains, but actually at his mom's house in Northridge for a while before he moves back to his campus.

Luckily the thought of a relationship causes Nicole to digress into making an argument for setting Jerry up with a friend of Logan's they had met quite a few times- Amanda. Nicole began making her argument, "Jerry is such a sweetheart. Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"Well first of all I don't think of any guy as a 'sweetheart," Chase pointed out, "Plus, I don't really know him that well."

"How do you not know him that well? You've been living with him for a year," Nicole asked puzzled.

"I've been…preoccupied with …stuff for a while," Chase tried to defend without saying something stupid that he'll regret, like the truth.

"Anything you want to talk about?" Nicole questions with concern.

Chase shook his head and changed the topic, "So why Jerry and Amanda?"

Nicole took the bait and explained, "Well, I didn't get to know Amanda that well. I mean, we only met her those few times because Dana demanded to know the girl Logan said he always talked to in that one class of his. Have you spent any more time with her?"

"Yeah, she's majoring in poly sci like Logan and they have a lot of classes together so I saw her sometimes when I'd hang out with Logan and Dana last year," Chase answered.

"Well, from what I remember about her she was kind of bitter and had been in a lot of bad relationships so she was looking for a good guy," Nicole recalled, "Do you know if she's seeing anyone now?"

"I don't know," Chase replied.

Nicole made a mental note to check with Dana and continued, "Anyway, if she is still single I think she and Jerry would be so cute. I know it's been forever since I've played matchmaker, but I'm usually dead on and I can so see them together. Jerry's cute and athletic and he's going to be a special needs teacher and he hasn't had tons of girls around here because he's looking for 'the one', he wants to find a girl to have a long term committed relationship with. And Amanda is pretty and sweet and deserves a guy who's faithful like I'm positive Jerry would be."

"Do you really have to meddle in the love life of my roommate though? What if it all goes horribly wrong?" Chase pointed out.

Nicole laughed lightly and swatted at the nearest part of him she could reach (his leg), "Please, I could totally make a career out of being a matchmaker or a fence mender so if, by some tiny chance, it does go wrong I'll smooth things over between me and Jerry and you and Jerry, no problem."

"Alright," Chase agreed, "Go for it then."

Nicole let out a squeal of excitement.

A comfortable silence settled over them for a few minutes.

"I missed you," Nicole dared to say.

"I missed you too, you have no idea," Chase said honestly.

-o-o-o-

On the night before classes started Nicole sat on her bed in her new studio apartment near her new campus of USC. She had told all her friends she'd transfer to be nearer to them back in freshman year and now that she was back she couldn't not follow through on it even if she thought a little more distance from Chase may be a good idea.

She had spent the whole week with Chase, completely forgetting that there even was a Noah. She knew it was incredibly messed up of her to be dating a guy when she was in love with another. But Chase didn't love her and she had to accept that and move on. And if that meant chanting in her head every time she saw him "He doesn't love you" and dating someone else, trying to fall for someone else, then she was going to do it.

Since she had come back, Dana kept telling her that Chase was in love with her. She wanted to believe Dana. But the truth was Chase never did anything or said anything. She knew she hadn't really done any of that with him either- shown her true feelings. But it was just…different. She had been there for a year, dressing up and making sure she was always perfect for him, signing every email and birthday card "Love, Nicole," telling him everything so that if he fell for her it'd be the real her, giving him her heart. The problem was he never asked for it and he had never done any of the same things in return. If it was even possible, he was closing himself off from her even more now than he had right after Zoey broke up with him. She hadn't come right out and said she loved him, but she had tried to spend every minute of the day with him and it was saying something in her own way.

He had dodged her calls over the summer and she knew it.

And he dated over the summer and never told her. He told Logan, who told Dana, who told her. He got over Zoey finally and dated. And maybe he doesn't love her, but she's still his best friend, right? Isn't something that big something he should tell his best friend?

It was like he had said about two people needing to be on the same page about relationships. They just weren't anymore.

She cried herself to sleep every night for her first week back, not for the love that was lost though- it had never been there and she had cried over it enough times already. She cried for the friendship that seemed lost.

The Chase she came back to, was not the Chase she left.

-o-o-o-

Chase was immensely relieved as the first few months of school passed and Noah wasn't always around with Nicole. He was in his senior year at Loyola and not only was he busy with that, but his dad wasn't in the picture- never had been- so he drove home and visited his mom quite often.

So, Chase got a lot of time alone with Nicole. He tried to be the same as always. But every time they were together and she would smile his heart would flutter and he'd think about how much he wanted to wake up to her smile forever. Then, he'd remember about Noah and how he had never done anything to even try to make Nicole his and how now it was way too late. It was like his heart broke more every time he was with her and he just couldn't be his normal self feeling like that.

When he thought he couldn't feel any worse, Nicole introduced him to Noah. Then she insisted they all hang out.

He hung out with him a few times. He hated to admit it, but Noah was a decent guy. A good guy even.

Then, when he knew they were supposed to be heading over to his house, he glanced out his front window and saw them kissing on the opposite side of the street. He felt like he had been punched in the gut- not that he ever had been, he never had been a fighter, but he could imagine. And maybe that was why he felt like he was being gutted like a fish now. He had never been a fighter and even when it came to something he really wanted (Nicole) he was a pacifist. He just stood there, doing nothing, letting himself be crushed.

He really should look into that therapist.

-o-o-o-

They have Thanksgiving at Logan and Dana's. Nicole cooks so the food's all delicious again. Noah's there. And so are Amanda and Jerry (it's the start of Nicole's master set up plan).

The company is good.

The food is good.

Nicole falls asleep with Noah's arm wrapped around her.

It's not the same.

-o-o-o-

Nicole has Noah over for New Years.

Her family likes him. The conversation at the dinner table isn't effortless, but it's not awful.

At the party at her aunt's house he's hit on by all her female cousins- and some of her male ones too. She keeps getting the question, "Is he just a friend too?" And she gets to say, "No, he's my boyfriend of eight months."

They don't escape to a secluded hallway just to talk, but he holds her hand all night and when they get caught under the mistletoe he really kisses her.

It's not the same. She tries to tell herself that's a good thing.

-o-o-o-

At the start of the new term Chase tells Nicole he really needs to buckle down and spend a lot more time studying. He's taking extremely important classes for his major and he can't screw them up.

This is all true actually. Plus, he hasn't been doing so well in any of his classes. His professors have noticed and said that his work has been unusually bleak for him and scattered.

He feels like he's losing his mind.

So he's staying away from Nicole more. He doesn't want her to think that he doesn't want to be friends, so he see's her sometimes still- he just tries to make sure it's when other people are around so he doesn't…it just hurts more to just be with her.

He starts talking to Jerry more- who it turns out is a good listener and a good friend. Nicole was right about him (she was right about him and Amanda too). After he finishes telling Jerry the whole story of him and Nicole, Jerry offers, "So the way I'm understanding it is that you had your heart crapped on by this Zoey chick? Maybe that's why you never went after Nicole- too afraid to give your heart away again."

Jerry's view is objective and Chase thinks maybe it's more honest. He liked to think that he had been stronger than that. That just because of what happened with Zoey he wasn't ever going to hold back from finding love again. He thought he had been searching for love again ever since he and Zoey ended (he had had all those conversations about it with Nicole). But maybe Jerry's right. Maybe he was just plain terrified and not at all courageous enough to give his heart to someone again.

He wished he realized it sooner so he could have worked up the pluck.

-o-o-o-

Since she's seeing Chase less, Nicole see's Noah more.

And he's funny, and thoughtful, and sweet, and he loves her he says.

She says it too, because shouldn't she love him? She definitely cares about him. He's a great guy. The kind of guy she's lucky to ever have met. He's perfect.

That should be enough, right?

-o-o-o-

When Chase calls Zoey to wish Mia a happy first birthday they talk for a while. It turns out since she's seen him naked she talks like she knows everything about him. She's also very blunt and direct because she's a busy working, still-in-school mom and she doesn't have time to dance around things.

She tells him that he didn't go after Nicole because he doesn't believe in himself enough. And yeah, the whole self-deprecating thing is cute for a while, but it's really unhealthy. He didn't go after her for three years and she doesn't want to see him make the same mistake with Nicole.

He tells her about Noah.

She already knows. She says, "Boyfriend smoyfriend. You want her, go get her."

"I don't want to hurt her," he confesses.

"Then don't," she responds as if it was that simple.

He wished he agreed that it was that easy.

But he doesn't. So he doesn't take her advice. Doesn't do anything.

-o-o-o-

When the school year ends Chase is completely broken hearted.

Nicole is lying to herself.

They both spend their summers at home. They only talk every three or four days.

It's lonely. And it doesn't feel right at all.

-o-o-o-

When Nicole returns to school in the fall she is determined to get her friendship with Chase back the way it was. She doesn't have any idea what went wrong, but she can't stand living with it for any longer.

So, Nicole puts on her cutest sundress, picks out a dozen movies, wraps up her freshly baked special chocolate chip cookies, and heads to Chase's house.

Upon entering Chase's house Nicole let out a scream and nearly dropped her plate of cookies. For a split second she thought the blond on the couch was on top of Chase and her heart broke far more than it should have if she was really in love with Noah. But, she quickly saw that the blond was actually Amanda and the guy under her was Jerry. It was the most awkward, uncomfortable, and embarrassing situation she had ever been in, in her life. And it was quickly made worse by Chase walking in the door behind her.

"I came to surprise you, but maybe we should go to my place," Nicole suggested hurriedly. And with her eyes shut.

"Agreed," Chase responded quickly and with his hand over his eyes. As he exited he yelled, "Jerry we talked about how certain things wouldn't happen in shared areas. You owe me a couch."

Once the door was shut, Chase commented, "Thanks again for getting them together."

"Oh no problem," Nicole responded sarcastically. Seriously, she said, "But I was right, they are super happy together."

"They were about to be," Chase commented wryly.

"Oh my God," Nicole exclaimed laughing, "Did Chase Matthews just make a dirty joke? I'm so proud of you."

Chase laughed and shook his head, "That's so messed up of you."

"Probably," Nicole agreed. She grabbed his hand and tugged him along to her car, "Come on, I've planned us a movie marathon, like the good 'ol days before stupid classes started taking up all our time."

Or before Noah, Chase thought. Chase didn't dare say anything like that though. Nicole didn't deserve him hating her boyfriend. And honestly Noah didn't deserve him hating him either just because he had also noticed how great Nicole was, but unlike Chase actually had the guts to go after her. As far as Chase was concerned, he tried as hard as possible to get along with Noah and to act like Nicole's relationship with him didn't bother him at all whenever he was around either of them. It was much more difficult than anything he had ever had to do for a class or for a job. And it sucked a lot more too.

In an effort to keep up pretenses, Chase asked on the ride over to Nicole's, "So how's Noah liking San Francisco?"

Again, there wasn't even the slightest hint of jealousy from Chase and it reminded Nicole that she had made the right decision in moving on. She answered, "He loves his internship, but he's not crazy about the city. He's a SoCal guy so being in NorCal isn't his favorite thing. But it was the best internship he got offered and should lead to the best job so it's worth it."

"Yeah, seems like it," Chase agreed. He was incredibly relieved that he wouldn't have to see them together so much since Noah would only be able to come down for the occasional weekend or holiday. So, as far as he was concerned, Noah did the right thing in choosing a far away internship.

Two hours later as Chase was lounging on Nicole's futon and Nicole was removing _Mama Mia!_ from her DVD player and putting in _Ms. Pettigrew Lives For A Day_, she commented, "Don't you love _Mama Mia_, with the exception of Pierce Brosnan's singing voice?"

"I don't know," Chase responded skeptically, "I think it was too much ABBA for me."

"You don't like ABBA? What's wrong with you!?" Nicole exclaimed, horrified.

"Well I normally like ABBA fine," Chase tried to explain, "But something was just…off about the movie. Maybe it was just the end that bugged me. I mean, they'd been leading completely separate lives for twenty years and then they spend, what? Twenty minutes together and they up and get married. It can't last."

"You're so depressing," Nicole chided, "Try not to be that way about this movie too."

Chase wasn't negative about _Ms. Pettigrew_, but Nicole was preoccupied thinking about a line in it anyway so she didn't pay attention too much to what he said.

"_But he smiled every time he saw me, and we could have built a life on that." _

For a small window of time, Chase smiled every time he saw her. Maybe that was her chance with him. Maybe she should have told him how she really felt then. But those days were a long time ago.

A year and four months into the relationship, Noah still smiled every time he saw her. So she was right to move on, right?

In her distraction, Nicole let Chase pick the next movie and he picked _Edward Scissorhands. _She loves and hates him for it. Loves him because she loves that movie (and Jonny Depp is hot!). But hates him because she always cries during it and she didn't really want to turn into a sobbing mess today. Today was supposed to be a fun re-kindling of their friendship.

When she does start turning into a weeping disaster he does the same thing he used to do with her. He wraps an arm around her and hands her tissue. And they're just like they were before. Her heart jumps right back to that place where this is what she wants. But then she remembers Noah, and how he would do the exact same thing. She closes her eyes for a second and wishes away all even semi romantic thoughts of Chase. She has Noah now.

It doesn't work. Because when they've finished seven movies and it's nearing a new day, she's had such a great time, such a better time then she remembers having in forever, that she blurts out, "I love…y-this." She was going to say you. Chase had been making her laugh and she was going to say you. It wasn't her first almost slip, but the last one was before Noah. She feels guilty about it. Noah doesn't deserve her to be like this. And Chase doesn't love her, so he doesn't deserve her loving him. Stupid heart.

"I love it too," he responds. Meaning that he loves her. But he can't say it. She's with someone else. But he also means that the loves this- spending time with her. He had to get some space from her because it was pulverizing his heart to be around her or to be around her and Noah, but he still missed this. Being with her today, he realized, maybe he could have this with her again. After all, Noah was pretty far away.

Nicole realized maybe they had had the right idea with more space last year. She couldn't be slipping like she was. She had moved on and she needed things to stay that way because it hurt too much to keep loving someone who didn't love her back- and she had already spent far too long putting herself through that. Now that she was free of it, had been free of it for a while, she wasn't going to let herself go back.

She had thought she would make plans to hang out with Chase again before he left. Instead, she just lets him leave with a simple, "Goodnight."

She resolves that she won't call him for four days.

-o-o-o-

After twenty-four hours and another sleepless night, the urge to call Chase has gotten much too strong. So, to distract herself, Nicole decides to go visit Dana for the first time since she's been back- but she's only been back two and a half days and this is Dana's first day off from work since then so it actually works out quite well.

Sitting at Dana's kitchen table, she tells her friend everything that happened with Chase during their "friendship re-kindling" time.

Dana's always been too brutally honest though, "God, just dump Noah already and throw yourself at Chase. You know you want to."

"No I don't," Nicole denies, because these days it' s denial that gets her through the day and especially the night. "I love Noah," she says firmly.

"No you don't," Dana rebottles easily, "You love the idea of him. You love that being with him is easy and it doesn't hurt. But you're in love with Chase and you have been since freshman year."

Nicole relents, "Fine, maybe I still love Chase. Maybe I was so in love with him that he'll always have a piece of my heart- even if he's done nothing to deserve it and even if he never knows. But I want to be with Noah. And I just want my _friendship_ back with Chase, without doing something or stirring up old feelings that make me…betray Noah."

Dana wondered why she was friends with people as stubborn as her. It could be really annoying sometimes. Since she clearly wasn't going to win with Nicole at the moment she offered, "Well,…maybe you should try spending more time with Chase as you had planned, but not alone. You know, got out and do something with other people."

"That's a great idea!" Nicole exclaimed and propelled herself from her chair to hug Dana before Dana could stop her.

-o-o-o-

"You want to go to the football game?" Chase asked slowly and with his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Yes," Nicole confirmed. After she had spent the rest of the day hanging out with Dana she went home and looked up things to do. And according to the school's website there was a pre-season football game that night.

"Why?" Chase asked completely flummoxed.

"Because," Nicole began, "we spend way too much time watching movies and TV. We really need to try some new things. Get out there, be social."

"But I'm a _film and_ _TV _major," Chase pointed out.

"Beside the point," Nicole dismissed easily, "It's our last year in college and there's tons of stuff we've never tried and we should before the year's over and it's too late."

Chase preferred the idea of spending time alone with Nicole, but then again he wanted to do whatever made her happy so he agreed, "Fine, we'll try some new things. But do you really want to go to a football game again? Don't you remember we tried that freshman year? And what happened there…"

"Oh," Nicole said, the memory dawning on her, "I forgot about that. But how rude was it of people to throw stuff at me just because I displayed good sportsmanship and cheered for the other team's success too?"

"This is college football Nicole. People take it a lot more seriously than high school football so you can't get away with cheering for both teams," Chase explained.

"But it's not nice to pick sides," Nicole argued.

Chase simply shrugged in response. He believed in supporting his own school- but he also thought Nicole's argument was adorable and if he opened his mouth now he would say something stupid like telling her she was cute- thus the shrug.

Nicole sighed and conceded, "Okay, then we'll just go with option number two. Put on something nice. I'll be back at nine to pick you up. We're going to a frat party."

With that Nicole was out his door before he had a chance to react.

Frat party? That sounded ominous to Chase.

-o-o-o-

The house smelt vaguely of vomit. When Chase voiced this thought, Nicole responded, "After enough drinks we won't notice. Oh, and before I forget, don't let me lose my shoes."

Before Chase could ask her what she meant by that, Nicole had begun weaving her way through the throngs of people towards one of the bars. He didn't know how he ended up here. He had gotten dressed as Nicole asked, but he had been hoping to talk her out of coming here and going somewhere else instead. Unfortunately he didn't plan on her appearance- short little dress, tall spiky heals that she somehow managed to be graceful in. Somehow she managed to look more alluring than usual so Chase didn't manage the ability to speak until they were on their way into the party. From what he'd heard about frat parties he didn't think they'd get in- or that he wouldn't at least- but sure enough they waltzed right in. Nicole reminded him it was rush, parties were open to everyone.

"Should we start with beer or something harder?" Nicole asked as they came to a stop a few feet from the bar.

Chase didn't really feel like starting with anything, but before he could voice that thought a guy slid up beside Nicole and said, "Hey, you look familiar. We had a class together the year before last, right?"

"No," Nicole said laughing at him and shaking her head. "That would have been rather impossible as not only was I not a student here, but I was in London. But nice line. You picked a time far enough a way that a girl would be flattered you remembered her even though she couldn't for the life of her remember you. And you said it with such confidence. Good job!"

He shrugged and smiled as he said, "Can you blame me though? You're hot, I had to take a chance. So, I've never seen you here before. Are you a freshman?"

"The compliment wasn't a sign for you to try harder," Nicole informed the guy, who she thought was still trying to pick her up.

"I'm not," he promised, "I mean, you're here with this guy, right?" He asked with a gesture to Chase.

"Actually, this is Chase, my best friend. My boyfriend is in San Francisco, internship," Nicole explained, wondering what this guy was after if he wasn't interested anymore.

"Cool," he commented shortly and moved on, "Anyway, I've never seen you guys here, and I'm president of this fraternity so I know who our regulars are, you're only here cause it's a free for all tonight, right?" With nods from Nicole and Chase, he continued, "That's fine, but if you want to be invited in the future it's good to make an impression. Seeing as one of you is male and the other is in a relationship you're going to have a harder time making a lasting impression on most of my guys. But it's worth it. We have the best parties on campus and the booze is always free for guests."

"Sounds good," Nicole responded. It was good to know what they'd have to do to come back. Not that she necessarily wanted to, but how else was she going to spend time with Chase all year, but always stay around people with him. This could actually be a really good opportunity for them.

"Alright," the guy said enthusiastically. He asked Nicole, "What's your name?"

"Nicole," she responded offering her hand.

He shook it as he said, "Well, it's nice to meet you Nicole and Chase. I'm Max and I've got to take care of some hosting crap now- president's duties. I'll see you guys around hopefully."

"He was nice," Nicole commented, "didn't seem like the stereotypical frat boy."

Suddenly there began a loud chanting of, "Ray, Ray, Ray, Ray." Looking in the direction of the sound they saw a guy with a hose in his mouth that was connected to a funnel that many of his friends were rapidly pouring beer down.

"That guy, however, does," Chase returned.

They each got a beer and Nicole made an effort to make conversation with some of the fellow party goers. Really, they didn't make it far from a little corner of the large room next to the bar. With all the people everywhere and with the weather already being hot, the temperature in the house was excruciating. After suffering through it for about forty minutes that dragged on slowly, they noticed that the party extended to the back yard.

Upon exiting the house they immediately ran into Max again. He had clearly had a few more drinks since they had last saw them- they were still clutching their firsts. He stumbled to them a bit as he walked toward them, "Hey," he greeted, seeming to have already forgotten their names, "How are you guys enjoying your first party with us? Much better than any of the other campus frats, right?"

"We wouldn't know, this is our first," Nicole informed him.

"Wait, _are _you freshmen?" He asked, not remembering if that question had ever been answered before.

"Seniors," Chase responded.

"And this is your first party? What the hell have you been doing the last three years?" He asked, not at all understanding how their situation was possible.

"Watching movies and TV," Nicole responded honestly.

"Huh," he said. That reminded him of something, but in his alcohol induced haze he couldn't remember what it was.

"But I think we should do this more often so I want to do something to get us invited back," Nicole declared. She thought about it for a minute. She had actually already had an idea, so right now what she was really doing was waiting for Chase to object. Since he didn't, she offered to Max, "How about I get you a girl?"

"Baby, I don't need any help in that department," he said with a confident smirk.

Thinking quickly Nicole argued, "But some girls are harder to get than others- especially the ones really worth having. Plus, not all of your brothers are probably as talented with girls as you are so wouldn't it be nice to a girl to expertly play wing woman for any of them at all your parties?"

He thought about it for a minute before responding, "Wing woman huh? Well, alright, let's test your skills." As he scanned the crowd, he directed his next question at Chase, "She ever gotten you girls?"

Before Chase could say no, Nicole jumped in, "He's refused my services. Long story."

Max clicked his tongue and said, "And we have a winner." He pointed to a girl across the yard, near the makeshift outdoor bar.

"No problem," Nicole said confidently and was off in the direction of the girl before either man could say another word.

Once Nicole was gone Max asked, "You've refused her wing woman services because you're into her, right? Not because she's making them up or something."

"Yeah," Chase agreed, not seeing a reason not to tell this stranger the truth.

"Sucks to be you, doesn't it?" Max said and took another big gulp of whatever was in his red solo cup.

"Yep," Chase agreed before finishing off his drink.

Honestly, wing woman was sort of a fantasy role for Nicole. She always thought she'd be super good at it. And she had offered to do it for Chase way back when she hadn't developed feelings for him yet or was still in denial. Technically though, she had no idea what she was doing.

Once she reached the bar, she began by ordering a drink from the young man behind it (rum). She noticed the target's shoes and said excitedly, "Oh my gosh, I love your shoes!"

"Thanks," the girl said sincerely, "yours are awesome too."

"Thanks," Nicole returned, "I wore them special. The whole outfit really. I'm hoping to get the attention of this really great guy. He's president of the frat."

"Really?" the girl asked, seeming mildly interested.

"Yeah, there he is there, standing next to the guy with bushy black hair," Nicole said pointing him out. "So hot, right?" Nicole gushed. And she wasn't exactly lying either. Max was tall and strapping with messy dark brown hair and an oh so charming smile.

"Not bad," she agreed.

"Anyway," Nicole continued, "I've never met him, but I've heard about how…satisfying a night with him can be. Plus, my best friend said that he was in this super serious relationship a couple of years ago. So he's proven capable of long term even though he's great for just a night. But I haven't decided if I just want him for one night or for more."

"So you think you're hooking up with him?" the girl asked seeming much more interested now. And still eyeing Max.

"Please, honey, have you seen me? I can have any guy here, and I want him," Nicole played.

"We'll see," the girl said with a devious smirk and strutted away in the direction of Max. She went right up to him, leaned in, and whispered something in his ear. Whatever it was, it certainly made him smile.

The girl led Max into the house just as Nicole made it back to Chase.

"What did you say to her?" Chase couldn't resist asking.

Nicole, smiling triumphantly, modestly replied, "Not much. I just acted like I wanted him so she'd want him. I made him a competition and she fell for it."

"You're a genius," Chase declared.

She rolled her eyes and confessed, "I saw something like it on _How I Met Your Mother._"

"Doesn't make you any less brilliant," continued to compliment, completely in awe of her- though really, when wasn't he?

Max suddenly came rushing through the door of the house again and said to them hurriedly, "Baby, you're awesome. She's waiting for me in my room right now! And in appreciation I had to come back out and tell you guys that being invited back is sort of a group decision so you've got to make an impression on more of my brothers. And keeping up the wing woman work would be great but it'd only get one of you back in here. So, you said something about movies right? Benny! Benny!"

"Yeah," a smaller guy answered, appearing by Max.

"Guys, this is Benny, he was a pledge last year," Max introduced, "Benny you're supposed to be starting the famous person/movie drinking game right?"

"Yeah, in a few," the kid confirmed.

"Good, these are some friends of mine, they're going to play," Max declared to Benny. Before anyone had a chance to respond Max said, "You guys are awesome! Especially you…girl. Have fun tonight, Benny, you make sure that they do," and he was off through the door and presumably back up stairs.

Benny led them back into the house and into a different room than they had been in before. There were a bunch of drinks set up and Benny had gathered a bunch of people into a circle sitting on the floor. He explained the rules of the game since Nicole had worriedly informed him that they had never played this game before. Famous person/movie meant that one person would start off naming a famous person and they'd go around the circle from there and everyone would have to name a movie that person was in (Nicole got clarification and TV was not okay, but TV movie was). If a person failed to name a movie for the current movie star, they had to drink. If a person said a movie that had previously been named, they had to take two drinks. Everyone's cup was filled with tequila and there was a few bottles for refills.

Given what Chase and Nicole usually spent their time doing, Max was very correct in suggesting this game for them.

The first person named was Brad Pitt and Nicole knew this game would be no problem for her- she was a Brad Pitt expert. They managed to get around the circle of ten people once and in six more people it would be heading back to Nicole and Chase, unless someone before them didn't come up with one. All of the _Ocean's_ movies had been named, _Mr. and Mrs. Smith_, _The Curious Case of Benjamin Button_, _Thelma and Louise_, _Seven, Fight Club, Interview with a Vampire_, and _Legends of_ _the Fall_. It would come around to Chase again in six people and he was starting to get nervous about how many more Brad Pitt movies he could think of and he was nervous for Nicole as well because he didn't want to take the last one either one of them could think of and end up having her have to drink. Hopefully, it wouldn't even get to them again.

"_Burn After Reading_." Five more left.

"_12 Monkeys_." Four more left.

"_Troy_." Three more left.

"_Snatch_." Two more left.

"_Meet Joe Black_." One more left.

"_Bable_." Crap. None left.

Luckily, Chase thought of one that hadn't been named, but he worried that it was one Nicole may know, "_The Mexican_."

Nicole did know that one, but fortunately she also knew three more. She was a Brad Pitt expert after all. "_Spy Game_," she announced. She thought Brad looked particularly good in that movie playing the hot hero.

The person after Nicole couldn't come up with anything and had to drink.

Six more famous people later, neither Nicole nor Chase had had to drink because neither was unable to name a movie for any of the actors/actresses. Actually, Nicole was feeling kind of parched, but she also didn't want to lose so she kept participating honestly and not faking stupid so she could quench her thirst.

Eight rounds into the game Chase was also quite thirsty, but he really didn't want to ever have to touch the contents of his cup. To him, tequila was the grossest of all liquids. On the plus side, him and Nicole were totally kicking ass. They were the only two who hadn't had to drink.

Six more rounds later, Chase and Nicole were still the only two who hadn't missed a beat. Their obsessive movie habits were really coming in handy- their success made everyone else drink, something the other people appreciated.

Now, everyone had caught on to their so-far-infallibility and was purposely trying to get them to drink by naming as obscure actors as they could without getting themselves into trouble.

"Devon Sawa," the girl next to Chase named a new actor, hoping Chase had no idea who he was.

"_Final Destination_," Chase responded easily.

"_Now and Then_," Nicole contributed easily.

"Alright, how about this. If you guys can name one more movie each, everyone else drinks. If you can't you have to chug your cups. Deal?" Benny suggested.

Everyone nodded. Chase glanced at Nicole and asked, "Ready?"

She nodded and together they said, "_Little Giants_ and _Casper_."

"And _Slackers_," Nicole added.

There was a collective groan from the group as they all picked up their cups and drank. It wasn't that they weren't happy to drink, but they really wanted to out wit the two new party goers.

"How about you two face off against each other, loser has to chug the rest of their drink?" a girl in the circle suggested, in hopes of seeing one of them mess up. It wasn't fair that they had gotten everything right, or that the room wasn't spinning for either of them.

Chase looked to Nicole, they both shrugged and agreed to the challenge.

A couple of the people in the circle huddled together to decide on an actor or actress. Finally they announced, "John Cusack."

"Way too easy," Nicole muttered. "You first," she said to Chase.

"Might as well start at the beginning of his career," Chase said and offered, "_Sixteen Candles_."

"_Better Off Dead_."

"_One Crazy Summer_."

"_The Sure Thing_."

"_Say Anything_."

"_Stand By Me_."

"_The Grifters_."

"_Bullets Over Broadway_."

The other game participants watched the duo like a ping-pong match. Going back and forth, naming movies they weren't at all familiar with effortlessly.

"_Con Air_."

"_Grosse Point Blank."_

"_Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil_."

"_Anastasia_."

"_Pushing Tin."_

"_Serendipity_."

"_Being John Malkovich."_

"_America's Sweethearts_."

"_High Fidelity_."

"_Must Love Dogs_."

"_Identity_."

"_Runaway Jury_."

"_The Ice Harvest_."

"_Martian Child_."

"_1408_."

"_Igor."_

"_War, Inc_."

It was Nicole's turn and it was the first time either of them needed to pause. The problem was that Nicole couldn't think of another movie. After a twelve seconds of silence that seemed to last forever, Nicole simply picked up her cup and chugged.

The rest of the circle cheered, thrilled that one of them had finally not known something and had to drink.

As soon as Nicole finished swallowing the liquid she asked Chase eagerly, "Did you know anymore?"

"Nope," he said honestly, "If you had had one, I definitely would have been drinking."

Suddenly a memory dawned on Nicole and she exclaimed, "_Broadcast News_! He had this tiny tiny little role as like, an angry…messenger or something."

"Really?" Chase asked doubtfully. He had seen _Broadcast News_ and he didn't remember that.

A couple of the people whipped out their phones and started typing away until one of them finally announced, "Yep, she's right. He's in the credits for it as…an angry messenger."

"I think that means you should drink too. After all, she was able to name one more movie than you," Benny suggested.

"I hate you," Chase mumbled with a smile as he reached for his cup. He cringed the entire time he was drinking it. Tequila tasted worse than he remembered.

"Alright," Benny as Chase finished off his cup, "It looks like this game is dead. Next game, ten minute warning."

"Oh, sounds like fun. How do you play?" Nicole asked enthusiastically.

One of the girls that had played the first game with them jumped in and explained, "You drink one beer in the first minute, two in the second, three in the third, and so on for ten minutes. And you have to finish all the beers within the minute. If you do, you win."

"I'm in," Nicole said eagerly. She wanted to do this frat party experience right, so she was going to participate fully.

"How about your boyfriend?" the girl asked.

Chase responded before Nicole had the chance to set the girl straight. He answered, "Shouldn't one of us try to keep our ability to walk so we make it home tonight?"

"Right, you do that," Nicole said tightly. Why did everyone suddenly assume that they were a couple? And why was Chase willing to go along with it now? He did get over his stupid hang ups years ago as she had asked him too, but did him being okay with it now mean he wanted something more with her now? Or was it just easier than explaining so he figured what's the harm in complaining? It's not like it would break her heart to pretend to be something she had so desperately wanted, but now moved on from because it would never happen. Not that he knew at least.

She tried to seem peppy about joining in the game so no one would suspect that she was drinking away her thoughts.

With enough cups lined up in front of her for the first three minutes of the game and the same done for the other six participants, "Start," was yelled by Benny.

Nicole only got part way through minute four- two cups- before she could no longer keep up. But the four minutes was an excellent distraction for a while, as were the remaining six she spent watching to see if anyone won- one girl did make it though ten.

Instead of heading off to find Chase, she ended up talking with some of her fellow ten minute warning players. It also served as much needed distraction.

Chase thought Nicole looked like she was having fun and he didn't want to interrupt- even if he thought it was a bad idea to drink so much.

"Where's Nicole?" Benny asked after rushing up to him.

"Uh…" Chase stalled. Did he want to tell this guy where she was, really?

"I need her help," Benny quickly explained, "Max said she's can help me get a girl and there's this girl so I need Nicole to help me."

"Uh," Chase repeated, still unsure. He inquired, "A girl you want to hook up with or a girl you like?"

"Girl I like. Why, can she not help me with that?" Benny asked worriedly.

"She can help you," Chase confirmed, "but she's had a lot to drink now so I don't think she's going to be offering very good help anymore."

Benny seemed frustrated, but sighed and resolved, "It's okay I guess. You guys can come to next week's party hopefully and help me out then."

Chase didn't love the idea of coming back. Not that he wasn't having a good time, but he knew the only reason he was having a good time was because he was there with Nicole and he always had a good time with her. Thinking about Nicole, he didn't think it was the best idea that Benny wait. "Actually," Chase began, "you really shouldn't wait. If she's free now and here now, go after her. By next week neither one of those things may be true. You'll lose your chance and you'll regret it forever."

"What am I supposed to say to her though?" Benny asked.

"The truth," Chase answered simply. If he could turn back time, go back to when he knew he loved Nicole and was too stupid and scared to say something, he would go back and tell her the truth. That he just wanted to be with her, always.

Benny took a couple deep breaths and announced, "Okay, I'm going to do it."

"Good luck," Chase wished as Benny did exactly what he never had the courage to.

Chase was distracted from his regret by seeing Nicole stumble, which was quite a trick since she had been standing still. He rushed over to her, grabbed her arm to steady her, and decided, "Okay, I think you've had enough. I should get you home."

Nicole simply giggled in return. The first beer, rum, tequila, and all the beers from the game were really starting to take effect. "Bye everybody," she yelled to the party at large as they exited the house.

Surprisingly, Chase caught quite a few, "Bye Nicole"s before they were out the door. How did she manage to make so many friends so fast?

Nicole got in the passenger side of her car pretty easily, but getting her out was a different story. She had fallen asleep and apparently didn't feel like waking up. Chase was forced to carry her up to her apartment. That's right, up. She lived on the second floor and there wasn't an elevator. Chase immediately regretted that he almost never let Nicole talk him into going to the gym.

And carrying her was a really bad idea because he got to wrap his arms completely around her. He got to be consumed by her. And as soon as he got her door open and got to her bed he had to let her go. It felt like when he had let her go to Noah, a year and a half ago.

Suddenly, standing above her by her bed, he was reliving his greatest mistake.

"Nicole," he shouted on impulse.

"Hmm," she let out softly.

He hesitated. Ten seconds. But he wasn't going to make this mistake again, "I love you."

No response. Not a noise. Not a twitch.

He crouched down and studied her face. She was asleep again already- dead to the world again.

He gently brushed some hair from her face. He could try again. He could try when she was sober.

He caught a reflection from the corner of his eye and turned to look at it. It was a picture on her nightstand of her and Noah. She was smiling in it. And she looked so happy.

Chase realized, not for the first time, he lost his chance a long time ago and Nicole was happy now and that should be what he wanted for her- to be happy, even if it wasn't with him.

Stupid alcohol played with his mind and made him think he may not be too late, but most of his opportunity had passed him up before he even knew it. He'd just have to learn how to live with this regret that was so strong it made him feel like he was suffocating.

He got her a glass of water, aspirin, and a trash can and placed them by her bed. He left. Anywhere in her place over night was not for him. He'd passed up that chance and to make sure she stayed as happy as he truly believed she was, he had to keep passing up all other chances.

-o-o-o-

"You want to go back?" Chase asked, stupefied.

Nicole nodded enthusiastically, "They've _invited_ us to attend their parties for the rest of the year. It would be rude if we never showed up again after they were so nice to us."

"But a…tart and vicar party, really?" Chase questioned again. He got the part about not being rude and he could see coming to the parties for ten or twenty minutes for a while so they can show their appreciation, but did they have to participate in the themes?

"I'll take care of your costume," Nicole promised.

Chase couldn't believe what he was hearing. How could Nicole think it was _his_ costume he was concerned about? He clarified, "You want to dress up like a _hooker _just to stop in at their party though?"

Nicole rolled her eyes if the solution to their conundrum was obvious, "We'll it's better than being the one person who didn't follow the theme of the party. That's just like a giant neon looser signal."

Chase sighed and threw his hands up in the air, "I give up."

And that was how Chase ended up dressed like a Catholic priest standing next to a very scantily clad Catholic school girl-esq Nicole, once again in the house that smelt like vomit.

Once Nicole had left him to say hello to a few of the fast friends she had made at the party the previous weekend, Max suddenly appeared by Chase. He commented, "Well, you probably really hate us now for causing a reason that you have to see the girl you're into, who's off limits, dressed like that. Definitely can't touch; can't really look either."

"I don't really blame you guys. I know it's my fault I'm in this place to begin with. And fate likes to remind me of it by doing things like this," Chase explained. "Sounds like you know what you're talking about though," he picked up.

"Yeah," Max agreed, staring out into the crowd before them. He spoke into his cup before taking a drink, "Let's just say, I've been exactly where you are."

"How'd you get through it?" Chase asked curiously because at this point, he didn't see how he'd…live.

"I'm not," Max said honestly, "But I drink and I let other girls take my mind off of it for a little while. And I stay far, far away from her." He turned back to Chase and offered, "Look, eventually things are going to get worse. They always do, and even if you're coming without her, you're welcome to come drink your sorrows away here. Drinking them away on your own gets expensive and really, really depressing, I know."

"Thanks," Chase said gratefully because suspected things would only get worse for him.

He didn't know it, but he was right.

-o-o-o-

A month into the school year Noah comes to visit Nicole for the weekend.

He stays at Nicole's place.

And the confirmation that they spent their nights together was something Chase really could have done without.

-o-o-o-

On weekends when Noah doesn't come down, Nicole drags Chase out to karaoke and salsa clubs and concerts and plays or anything with a crowd really.

She hoped it would ensure past feelings stayed securely buried.

But then one weekend when Noah can't come at the last minute and she ends up having takeout with Dana and Logan and Chase. He drives out to a separate Chinese restaurant to get her, her favorite pot stickers and he explains getting them by saying he just wanted to do something to make her happy.

And the crowds thing, isn't really working for her. Because he's great, always-even when it hurts.

-o-o-o-

After Thanksgiving passes they're in her apartment one night hanging out because he's begged her to stay in and they spend ample time getting caught up in their ChaseandNicole bubble.

"Why am I giving you a foot massage?" Chase asked realizing what he was doing and interrupting his own rant about _The Nanny_- which Nicole had just persuaded him into watching four episodes of.

Nicole laughed, "Because you're easily suggestible." He didn't seem to understand, so she explained, "About twenty minutes ago I decided to lay down here and I plopped my feet in your lap. Then ten minutes ago I commented that my feet hurt because of those evil cute shoes I decided to wear today. And without a word you were suddenly giving me a foot massage. Naturally I wasn't about to alert you to it."

"I do way too many things without even thinking about it. I should really sleep more," Chase said thoughtfully.

Silence settled over them and they simply sat. Chase up right and with Nicole's feet still in his lap. Nicole laid stretched out on her couch, her head at the opposite end from where Chase was sitting. She played with the slightly frayed edges of the throw pillow she had on her stomach.

Nicole bit her lip and said, "So you're coming to Kansas for New Years, right?" She had been meaning to mention it for a while and she knew she couldn't hesitate anymore if her parents were going to arrange Chase's flight for him. They were friends, nothing more, so she could totally handle this- Chase with her for New Years again, especially since they wouldn't be alone.

"What?" Chase asked, not clear on if she was actually asking him to come.

She smiled and said, "My parents miss you. And many of my cousins asked about you last year and the year before, wondering why you weren't there. They were hoping to trap you under the mistletoe. Not to mention I would love having you there, if you don't already have plans."

"Sure," Chase agreed immediately. She would _love_ having him there? That was convenient since he loved being _anywhere_ she was.

"Great," Nicole said happily, "Noah said he has something special planned for New Years and he said it may be the type of thing I may want my best friend there for. I don't know what it could be. He keeps saying all these weird things. I think they're to throw me off, but he's said it's going to be epic and involve cake and netting. I think figuring it out is hopeless- I've given up. Besides, I always like surprises."

Chase didn't respond. Just stared straight ahead like he was super into the episode of _Home Improvement_ playing before him. He had a feeling he knew what the surprise was. He was going to lose Nicole forever this time and it was going to happen right before his eyes.

It took all of his self-control not to cry or punch something the rest of the night.

When he got home many hours later, he put a hole in his wall.

It wouldn't be the last.

-o-o-o-

Chase thought maybe he could do something to stop this from happening- from losing her for good. He'd watched a bunch of episodes from the second season of _The Office_. He figured he'd soon be Jim- in love with a girl who was engaged- and he wanted to get some tips on how to handle it. But then there was that episode, "Booze Cruise," where Michael makes the point that, "Engaged ain't married," and, "Never give up." And Jim didn't, he went after her in "Casino Night," and eventually everything worked out for them.

The difference was, Pam wasn't happy. And Chase figured maybe Nicole wasn't entirely happy either.

Then when she was supposed to head to see Noah after finals and before she headed home to her parents he told her not to come. He couldn't have here there this weekend- he had to work.

They were over hanging out with Dana and Logan when she announced the change in her plans and the reason why and Dana immediately said, "He's so cheating on you. Yeah right he has to work. Work _it_ maybe. You should show up this weekend still and catch him red handed."

"No," Nicole immediately responded, "I'm not going to do that because he's not cheating on me. He'd never hurt me. I trust him completely." She said it so earnestly, and honestly, Nicole wasn't lying. Noah never would hurt her.

Chase believed she was being one hundred percent honest too. And that was what ended his short affair with the idea of finally trying to make her his.

She really was happy and he knew that should have been enough for him.

-o-o-o-

The much dreaded time finally came.

Chase stood in Nicole's aunt's house on New Year's Eve surrounded by her family, happily celebrating the holiday together. He was miserable.

And it only got worse.

A half hour to midnight Noah asked for everyone's attention as he stood in the middle of the living room, Nicole by his side and with all her family and Noah's mom surrounding them. He got down on one knee and said, "Nicole I can't imagine my life without you. Please make me the luckiest guy on earth and marry me?"

Nicole had figured out what the surprise was a long time ago. She just played dumb so no one would ask her what she was going to do. She knew what her answer was, she just didn't want to have to explain it to certain people (i.e. Dana). "Yes," she responded quickly and smiling. He was a good man. He smiled every time he saw her and maybe pieces of her heart still belonged to someone else, but the smiles, they could still build a life on that.

There was a collective sigh from the women in the room, closely followed by cheering and congratulations from everyone.

Chase watched from his out-of-the-way-place against a wall as the girl he was in love with agreed to marry someone else. As she had a ring put on her finger, as she kissed and hugged her fiancé, as she jumped up and down and squealed with her mom.

His heart shattered even more with every rapid beat.

But at least she was happy, right?

-o-o-o-

Chase couldn't stand the cheeriness of the party any longer so he went upstairs to drink alone. No one seemed to miss the bottle of scotch he took with him. Normally he wasn't much of a drinker, but given the events of the night, he figured what the hell.

"Chase," he heard suddenly as he saw Nicole turn the corner of the hallway he was hiding down. Seeing her really wasn't a reminder he needed right now.

She continued as she approached him, "I've been looking everywhere for you. No one had any idea where you'd gotten off to. You know it's almost midnight, right? Only…seven minutes left. Gotta get down stairs for fireworks."

He sighed and agreed, "Yeah." He didn't attempt to fake a smile.

Nicole noticed the bottle by him as he got up and asked, "Is something wrong?" Chase didn't normally drink and if he was then something was wrong. She asked anyway hoping that he'd actually talk to her for a change. He'd been different and withdrawn for the longest time now. She couldn't figure it out. Sometimes he'd seem fine and others he just…wasn't Chase. He hadn't congratulated her yet either so she figured, this was one of those times.

"Nah," he denied, "just… your cousins were annoying me." He lied.

She didn't believe him. Not that it wasn't something her cousins would do, but he had shoved his hands into his pants pockets and he had a habit of doing that when he was lying or of any kind of fidgeting like that when he was nervous. Whatever it really was though, it was another thing he wasn't willing to tell his best friend. She let it go, "Okay."

They were standing in the middle of the hallway and if Nicole knew her aunt…sure enough when she glanced up she saw the dreaded little sprig.

Chase saw her glance up and followed her gaze. Mistletoe.

She didn't need…any of this right now. She was engaged. She was happy. Nicole glanced around and saw that no one else was in sight. She tried to wave of the situation, saying lightly, "It's alright. No one's around. We don't have to follow "tradition." Me and my cousins break it all the time if one of our older relatives isn't around to get all grumpy about it."

She turned and began to walk away when she suddenly felt a hand around her upper arm pulling her back. And in a flash Chase had caught up with her few steps, pulled her close to him, turned her around, and kissed her. Really kissed her. His hands cupped her face and not as gently as she had imagined so many times.

He kissed her. He just…snapped. She was walking away from him and lately it seemed like that was all that had been happening in his life. Losing her, more and more and more. He acted without thinking about it. And it took him a minute to realize that she wasn't kissing back and her hands were forcefully pressing against his chest.

She shoved him away finally. She always wanted this. But he tasted like scotch and the ring still felt awkward on her finger and just none of it was right. "What the hell Chase?" she demanded. He looked confused, like he hadn't registered that she had pushed him away. She questioned again angrily, "Why did you_ kiss_ me?"

"I don't know," he said with his eyes closed. It was like a fog was just lifting from his mind and he just realized what he had done. He was supposed to let Nicole be happy so why did he just kiss her? He was supposed to be selfless here and now he had just gone and done something selfish.

"You don't know!" she yelled, "You kissed me twenty minutes after I got engaged and you don't know why?"

"No!" he yelled back frustrated. He wasn't supposed to do this. He screwed up his own life by doing stupid things- or not doing things as the case was- but he vowed he wouldn't do anything to ruin her happiness so the fact that he just…kissed her. It wasn't him.

"Right, why should you know? Or why should you say anything to me for that matter? It's not like you tell me anything anymore," she accused.

"I tell you everything," he retorted, "what do you think I supposedly haven't been talking to you about?"

"I don't know, maybe that you dated the summer before last. You hadn't dated since Zoey and I'm supposedly your best friend and you told everyone but me. You told Logan and Dana and Michael and even Zoey, but in a year and a half you haven't even mentioned it to me," she yelled in hushed tones because she realized she had family everywhere.

The hurt Nicole felt over what he had done was apparent, but Chase had been hurting too and right now he just turned it back around on her retorting, "Well maybe if you were the same person you were before I would still tell you things."

She gasped at he accusation and asked, "What are you talking about? I haven't changed at all, you have."

"No you have," Chase responded childishly. He scrambled for an example and blurted out as soon as he thought of something, "You wanted to go to a karaoke bar for your twenty-first birthday, but instead you went to some stuffy dinner with Noah. And you acted like you had a great time, but you had been planning on the bar forever. Dinner was not what you wanted. You wanted fun."

"A romantic evening with my boyfriend instead of spending it at a bar is not a bad thing Chase. It was a nice change in plans," She rebutted. "Fiancé," she corrected belatedly.

If he was thinking logically he would know that she had just been correcting herself, but he wasn't and it felt like she was rubbing it in that she was never going to love him. "Yeah, that fiancé is exactly why you've changed. You're a completely different-_fake_-Nicole around him. Look at what you're wearing even. It's stuffy and…and harsh and… not you," Chase argued poorly.

Nicole looked down at her dress before defending passionately, "This dress is not stuffy. And it has nothing to do with Noah. It's not like he had a say in picking it out. I saw it, I thought the little criss-cut thing into the boat neck was cute and I bought it. You're insane. Noah hasn't changed me at all. You're just…angry that I'm not around to spend every second of the day wallowing with you because I have him and I'm with him."

"Well you'll be around to wallow with me soon enough since you and him, ain't lastin'," he declared and later he'd wonder how he even stumbled into these trains of thought. They were what part of him wished. The selfish part that just wanted her no matter what.

Nicole gasped and looked as if he had just slapped her. How dare he say that and the part of her that hated him the most for saying it was the part that feared he was right.

Chase saw that he had hurt her and somehow, right now, hurt and angry, it was what he wanted. So, he continued, "He's not right for you. He didn't even make a speech like you always wanted and there you were ignoring that you didn't get what you wanted because at least you were getting something. You're so afraid that you'll end up alone that you're just settling for the first guy that came along." He saw that her lower lip was trembling and that tears were forming in her eyes and it just egged him on. He added, throwing some of her own words back at her, "He's Matt all over again. He doesn't really love you and you don't really love him. But you're accepting it as _enough_."

That was it for Nicole. She'd had enough pain caused by him. She slapped him hard and didn't worry about if someone would hear. She wiped furiously at the tears rolling down her cheeks and responded, "You're wrong. And how dare you say things like that to me on what's supposed to be one of the happiest nights of my life. Noah is not the first guy to come along. I was in love with you. Alright? There I said it. Finally. But…"she trailed off shaking her head. She never thought she'd tell him, especially like this, but she was more sure than ever that she would never return to that place where she loved him so much that it hurt every time he looked at her and didn't want more. "God," she sighed, "You just kept…keep hurting me. And that's why I'm marrying Noah and that's why things will work out with Noah. He never hurts me and he'll never break my heart. And maybe he didn't make a speech, but it turns out that in the real world it's actions that matter most. And you know what he did? He got down on one knee and asked me to be his forever. That is_ enough_."

She loved him? He couldn't…he couldn't even comprehend that right now.

He attempted one last time to make her see that…this was all wrong. He said quietly, "He won't dance with you on Thursday nights."

Nicole shook her head as she continued to try and get her tears under control. "He already does," she said just as softly.

They stood there for a few painful seconds. Chase's cheek was starting to bruise. Nicole's face was red and blotchy from crying.

This was it. They had said things that there was no turning back from.

She tried to sound in control and emotionless as she suggested, "I think you should leave."

He could have said he was sorry. He could have tried to do anything to make things better. Instead, he just walked away.

In one conversation filled with both honesty and lies, delusion and impulse, pain and anger, their friendship was over.

There would be no more Nicole and Chase, best friends forever.

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**A/N: **First of all, please don't hate me. It had to be done.

Second of all, I hope you enjoyed the chapter (as much as you could given the events). And please, please, please **REVIEW.**

**Part VII title:** I don't know how long I can hold on, if it's gonna be like this forever. ("Touched Something Hollow" by Of Montreal).

Thank you for reading!


	7. Part VII

**A/N: I'm so sorry I took so long to post this. Technically I'm still not where I want to be with part eight due to some challenges with the content and the fact that's it's turning out even longer than these other long parts. But hopefully it shouldn't be an extremely long wait. **

**Thank you again to everyone who's reading:) And to Katie, I hope you're enjoying your first few days of college. And Katelyn, I hope you're safely back in China. **

**This part is a bit…depressing and I added a song to the playlist (the link to which is on my profile) that made me think of the chapter.

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**Heavy Hearts

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**VII. I don't know how long I can hold on, if it's gonna be like this forever**

Chase made it through the walk back to his hotel to get his stuff and the whole flight from Kansas to LA without exploding. As soon as he got to his bedroom, he put two more holes in the wall. His hand bled this time. He didn't care.

He got in bed intent on staying there forever. Screw the rest of the world, there was nothing in it for him anymore.

-o-o-o-

Noah had found Nicole still in the hallway where her friendship with Chase ended shortly after midnight. When he asked why she was crying she left out most of the truth and simply said that her and Chase had gotten into huge fight and he wouldn't be in her life anymore.

Noah was nice enough to take her home- understanding that she didn't feel like being at a party anymore. She cried all night.

She pretended to be fine all New Years day as she celebrated with her family, her fiancé, and her future mother-in-law. But she wasn't okay at all.

She spent the day after New Years in her bed, crying enough to run out of tears. Her parents, having seen her with Chase a few years earlier, had pretty much guessed what happened. They tried to talk to her about it.

Her mom told her that if there was someone out there that had enough of her heart to hurt her this bad, maybe she shouldn't be getting married.

She didn't respond. Just like she didn't respond to anything else either of her parents said. They found the love of their life and that person loved them back. It was simple and easy and perfect. They didn't understand. And she didn't feel like talking about it.

-o-o-o-

After two days in bed, Chase was compelled to finally get up. And by compelled he meant that Dana burst through his door, jumped on him, and started hitting the crap out of him until Logan came in and tore her off of him.

"What the hell was that for?" he asked, scrambling to his feet.

"Because you're an idiot!" Dana yelled as she tried to rip free of her husband's firm grasp around her waist.

"I'm aware," Chase agreed rolling his eyes and plopping back into bed.

"What my wife means to say," Logan began, "is that we heard about what happened. And what the hell were you thinking?"

"I wasn't," Chase admitted, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "I just," he sighed, "wasn't thinking at all. I had, however, been drinking quite a bit. But even if I hadn't been I still would have done something moronic. I keep messing everything up and I don't know why."

Dana had stopped trying to get free and Logan had relaxed his hold, but he wasn't about to let her go, he knew her too well. Nicole had told Dana every word though and she had been plagued by one thing in particular, "Why aren't you there fighting for her though? Did you not hear the part where she said she loved you? And you love her too, right? So, what are you doing here?"

"Yeah, I heard it," Chase said softly. He had been thinking about that a lot. He couldn't believe that she had loved him. She defined love the same way as he did and she had felt that for him. It boggled his mind. No one had ever felt that way about him. He couldn't believe he missed it. He couldn't believe he lost it. "When?" he asked suddenly, "When was she in love with me?"

"Uh…past, present, and probably future," Logan answered simply.

"No," Dana quickly corrected, "Probably not future after the things he said to her. If you said anything like that to me we'd be getting divorced. And he's especially got no chance at future since he's not there apologizing." Chase looked extremely regretful and guilty and it made Dana lose the urge to glare anymore. She sighed and offered, "But she was seriously in love with you. And it's not like you haven't hurt her before and she's still continued to love you after all that so maybe you have a chance." She added, in answer to Chase's question, "She thought she just had a crush on you at the start of freshman year, but by the end of the summer she was even admitting to me that she was hopelessly in love with you. That's why she left. Since you gave her absolutely no sign that you were even slightly interested in her she left to get over you. Then you guys started talking all the time and she fell harder. But then you still never did anything and you let her get away. And she let you go, because you weren't trying to hold on- or at least that's what she says, it doesn't make that much sense to me."

Chase got it. It made him regret everything even more if it was possible. But there was something that Dana had said that Nicole had too and he had been unsure of exactly what either one of them meant. He didn't want to ask, because he knew he couldn't possibly like the answer, but he did it anyway, "What have I done to hurt her? She said it, and now you said it, and I know I hurt her the other night, but what else did I do?"

"She knows it wasn't intentional," Dana prefaced, "but it hurt her every time you'd…touch her and act like it was nothing, say something sweet and only mean it as a friend, or..." Dana trailed off, not knowing how to explain it. She decided to go with an example, "You remember at our wedding when you danced with her?" He nodded and glanced away (he had regrets that night too). She continued, "It was times like that that really broke her heart. When you gave her hope by seeming like you were catching on to the fact that you should be more than just friends, but never ever making that final move and then so easily going back to just being…friendly." As an afterthought Dana added another time, "Or when you sang to her and never said anything about the lyrics of your not so spontaneous song choice. She thought that since you never said you meant them, maybe you didn't think about the lyrics at all. But they gave her hope, made her wait for you for the hundredth time, and you did nothing. So she moved on."

Chase looked completely destroyed. He confessed quietly, "I regret every moment I spent with her and didn't tell her the truth about how I feel about her. I have no idea though, absolutely no idea, why I didn't."

"It's a mystery to us too," Logan commented.

"But maybe," Dana suggested, "you should find a way to figure that out so you can solve all of your problems and go after her. You can't let her marry this guy. She doesn't belong with him."

"But he'll never break her heart like I did," Chase reminded and truly believed. Nicole had made some really good points. And he was starting to think that maybe she was right for him, but he wasn't right for her. She deserved someone who wouldn't hurt her like he did, and Noah, he was that guy.

"Only because he can't break what he doesn't have," Dana quickly retorted.

Chase begged to differ about Nicole's heart not being Noah's, but he didn't want to say that to them. Logan and Dana were his friends and they were Nicole's friends and they were rooting for them. And he knew he could count on them to stay there with him and convince him to get up and stop Nicole from making what they believed to be a mistake. Only, he didn't want them to. So, he simply semi- agreed, "Maybe." And just like he hoped, it gave his friends enough hope in him to leave him alone.

He went back to bed for two more days.

-o-o-o-

When Nicole got back to her apartment the day before the new term started she found Dana waiting on her doorstep, because Dana was a good friend.

Dana immediately wrapped her in a rare hug and asked, "How are you?"

"I'll be fine," she responded unconvincingly, water starting to creep into her voice. She seemed to find it continuously difficult not to cry these days.

She broke away from the hug and opened the door to her apartment, letting her friend in as she added, "By the time I'm done planning the wedding everything will be perfect again."

"Are you sure you're making the right choice?" Dana asked imploringly.

Nicole knew what she meant. She was asking if she thought she should really be marrying Noah. She couldn't say yes. She knew she couldn't lie like that. She wasn't absolutely, one hundred percent, sure. But she had made the decision when she was feeling far more rational and less emotional than she was at the moment. And really, nothing had happened to make her realize it was wrong. So there was no reason to doubt her previous logic. Except that she did. So instead of lying and saying yes, she responded honestly, "Noah's a good man."

"I know," Dana replied, surprising Nicole because Nicole got the feeling she didn't like Noah- which wasn't a huge deal considering that Dana didn't like most people. She picked up, "But that doesn't answer my question."

"I know," Nicole echoed.

Dana noticed the barely restrained tears in her friend's eyes and realized that this wasn't something she could talk about, especially right now. So, she changed tactics and tried to give her friend something to smile about by making margaritas and launching into a story about the passive aggressive Christmas presents she got from her mother-in-law this year.

-o-o-o-

Chase didn't attend the first day of classes for the new semester. In doing so he risked getting dropped from all of them. He didn't care.

At the end of the day he somehow ends up with Michael yelling through his answering machine saying that if he doesn't get up and go to his classes the next day apologizing to his professors with some excellent excuse explaining his absence, he'd be on a plane and dragging him to class himself. Michael warned him that if he had to fly all the way from Georgia just to get him in class he'd be angry enough to shave his eyebrows and use all of the hazing techniques him and his brother's put the pledges through the previous year.

Remembering the stories, Chase got out of bed.

Logan and Jerry were waiting for him to make sure he did actually attend his classes.

If it hadn't been for his friends, Chase was ready and willing to give up on living all together.

-o-o-o-

_Gilmore Girls_ had always provided Nicole with good life tips in the past and as she sat in her apartment just after term started she decided to take another one from them. As she sat on her couch, as she laid in her bed, as she ate at her tiny kitchen table, something about her apartment plagued her. It finally came to her that the reason for her discomfort was because she was surrounded by things that reminded her of Chase. So, just like Lorelai and Rory, she packed up everything in boxes and shoved it to the back of her closet.

She couldn't do that with the DVD's that reminded her of Chase- there were far too many of them and her closet wasn't that big. So, she simply separated them from each other- safe DVD's from Chase DVD's. She didn't have many safe ones left. She'd have to start over.

Then she remembered she wouldn't have time for movies and TV. She had a wedding to plan.

-o-o-o-

Chase gets the news at the end of February. Nicole is not getting married anymore.

Dana and Logan had come bursting through his door, Dana clearly being intent on the one telling him, when Logan announced it.

"Why?" he asked completely confused. She deserved someone as good as Noah, so why didn't it work?

Dana sat down on his coffee table across the couch from him and answered, "She found a dress she liked three weeks ago and she said she didn't want to try the dress on every night. I asked her what that had to do anything and she said it was from a TV show that had always given her good advice. I still don't get it. Do you?" Dana knew that Nicole and Chase had extremely similar taste in TV and movies- mostly that they would both watch anything- and she had rushed over to tell Chase the news not only because she was so excited about the way now being clear for him to make a move, but because she really wanted to know what Nicole was talking about.

"Yeah," Chase responded, "it means that she realized that he wasn't right for her."

"Aren't you excited man?" Logan asked giving him a good-natured slap on the shoulder, "She's free."

She was free, but nothing could change the past. "No," Chase began, "her realizing Noah's wrong doesn't make me right. And it doesn't change what happened. It doesn't make what I said to her, what I've done to her, right. Not at all."

"But now you could make things right without having to break up a wedding," Dana volunteered.

Chase didn't respond. They had been having this conversation for two months and he appreciated his friends' optimism and concern, but they didn't understand and he couldn't seem to get them to.

"Just give the idea of fixing things a chance," Dana plead, "we know you're both miserable without each other and if you really don't think you're right for each other, fine, but you could at least…fix your friendship, or just start off even being able to be in the same room as each other again." Since Chase still wasn't responding she added, "Think about it okay."

He nodded because he thought about it all the time anyway.

Later, once his friends had left, Chase did do something. He looked in the yellow pages, called a therapist, and made an appointment. If he was ever begin to make things right, he figured it was about time he got that therapist he had been thinking he needed for the longest time now.

-o-o-o-

It was a Saturday night and Nicole didn't know what to do with herself. She didn't have a wedding to plan to distract her anymore. She could have gone to the frat house, but just like most of her movies and the things on TV, it was a reminder she didn't want.

As much as she didn't want to think about Chase, she didn't want to think about Noah either and how hurt he was when she told him she couldn't marry him. She felt horrible for breaking his heart when he had never been anything but careful with hers. Plus, she knew she probably never should have agreed to marry him or stayed with him so long in the first place if she had just been honest with herself and realized that she still loved Chase far more than she ever cared about Noah.

And here she was thinking about them again. Stupid _Happy Days_. She didn't know how it made her mind travel back to where she really didn't want it to be, but it crossed TV Land off of her list of channels to watch.

She ended up settling on _America's Most Wanted_. By the end of the hour she was terrified. She left lights on in her apartment all night, slept with her phone clutched in her hand, a kitchen knife on her nightstand, and chair lodged behind her door. It served as a very effective distraction as all she could think about for the rest of the night was whether any of the horrible violent criminals she saw on TV were in the Los Angeles area and maybe even very close by. And she was all alone.

-o-o-o-

Chase couldn't get into the psychiatrist he chose for two and a half weeks. He hoped that was a sign he was good since his basis for choosing him had been the cleaver yellow pages add. But, he wasn't doing so well waiting for real help and resisting doing something stupid in the mean time.

Like now, driving around Los Angeles at three in the morning on a Wednesday night. His psychiatrist appointment would be in ten more hours, he only had to hold on ten more hours.

The problem was he hadn't talked to Nicole in almost three months. It had been eighty-five days, three hours, twelve minutes. He had been counting. And he had a pretty good idea of exactly where she was in that moment. She was in the same city. She was probably in her apartment asleep. He wanted to see her. He wanted to talk to her. But he kept driving around aimlessly because he didn't know what he would say to her if he did see her. He figured he'd probably say something he'd regret, he seemed to have a habit of doing so.

But by three thirty and despite the voices in his head shouting at him that he was making a mistake, he had stopped at a pay phone and dialed her number. He just wanted to hear her voice and he thought she probably wouldn't answer if he called from any number he used to use.

She answered on the second ring. She had had a very difficult time sleeping given that she had taken up watching _America's Most Wanted_ every Saturday. Completely awake she said, "Hello."

There was no response. Chase, he knew that whatever he said, there was a better than good chance that it would be the wrong thing. Just remembering the past, he had said so many wrong things already.

When there wasn't a response, just silence, she thought she knew who it was. But she didn't say anything. She didn't know what to say. She couldn't think of anything except to wonder why he called.

He gripped the side of the phone booth. Stared at his distorted reflection on the payphone. He sighed softly.

It was him. She was positive. She unconsciously held her breath. She waited for him.

The silence stretched on for three minutes. She waited for him to say something. He waited for her to hang up as he had expected her to do.

After six minutes that seemed like forever she realized that he wasn't going to say anything. It took her another two minutes to accept this thought. And a minute after that to actually press end to the call on her phone.

When he finally heard the click on the other end, he didn't know what to think except to wonder why she had stayed on the line for so long.

-o-o-o-

All day long, through classes, through discussions, through talking with friends, Nicole didn't love Chase. He had hurt her unintentionally hundreds of time and broke her on purpose. So she didn't love him anymore. She didn't miss him from her life. And she was perfectly okay.

Then after hours of restless tossing and turning, she'd fall asleep and dream of him. Of him suddenly springing up in her life and apologizing and declaring how much he loves her and that's what made him insane and hurtful in the first place- because he thought he was losing her without ever having her to begin with. He'd kiss her, he'd beg her forgiveness, he'd do all the things the male lead in a romantic movie would do. And in her dream, she'd love him again, just as much as she had freshman year.

Then she'd wake up. She'd remind herself that it was only a dream and the Chase that was in reality wouldn't do any of the things in her dreams.

She'd wake up and she wouldn't love him anymore.

-o-o-o-

Dr. Denton was brutally honest, and after just one appointment, Chase didn't know if that was something he liked or hated. The doctor told him that he'd see him three times a week because his kind of case was easy- lots of people had big regrets, they'd work through them and the fast the better for fixing people's lives usually and letting him return to more troubling cases that deserved more of his attention. Chase didn't know whether that should make him feel better or insulted.

That feeling of, "Wow, that was helpful," and "Hey, that's incredibly offensive," was a feeling that lasted through his appointments with Dr. Denton. For example, on his third appointment, at which point Chase had pretty much re-counted his entire history with Nicole, Dr. Denton said he agreed with Jerry and Zoey. He said that part of what had led Chase to do absolutely nothing is that he puts the women in his life up on a pedestal and then feels like he doesn't deserve them and he was especially inclined to feel that way after going after the first woman he loved, getting her, and then letting her break his heart. While Chase thought it could have been a good point, he was also affronted by the horrible things that the doctor was, in his opinion assuming, about him and his friends.

Yet, Chase kept coming to his tri-weekly appointments and increasingly felt like he was just a punching bag for his doctor.

Finally Dr. Denton said something that made him snap. At his thirteenth appointment in mid-April, when talking about the Nicole situation still, Dr. Denton said, "I'm sure Nicole is not at all the person you believe her to be, Chase. In fact, the real Nicole, the one you've been blinded to see since you seem to have a very romanticized version of the women in your life and of love all together, is probably who you were describing when you blew up at her on New Years Eve. She probably is willing and eager to change for a man that she's leading on under false pretenses, pretending to love someone so she doesn't end up alone. That desperation alone could mean that she's at least slightly psychotic. Not to mention this…habit she has of singing in grocery stores, so absurd. Messing things up with her may have not been what you wanted to do, but it sounds like you may have dodged a bullet, so to speak."

"Shut up," Chase ordered forcefully, finally having enough of what felt so much like an attack on him. He stood up and confronted, "You have no right to say anything you've said in any of these sessions. It's like you haven't even listened to me, you just sit there and make horrible assumptions. And maybe I believe in a romanticized version of love because I watch too many movies or because you think I'm blind around my parents. I know they're not always blissfully happy, but they always love each other and that's enough. And that's what I want. And I know that I probably should have seen that Zoey was sixteen and selfish and we wouldn't work out because we…just weren't right. But Nicole, she is everything I've said and nothing that I accused her of being that night. She broke up her engagement because she does believe in real love, the same kind that I believe in and she realized she didn't have it. Maybe it would have been better for her and Noah and for me if she realized it sooner, but…she just didn't. And I didn't "dodge a bullet." I missed out on the one person who may be truly perfect for me and I did absolutely nothing to stop the woman I love from leaving my life completely. If anything, I helped her do it because I was too afraid of making the same mistakes twice."

The doctor didn't seem the least bit startled or surprised by Chase's impassioned rant. He just sat in his chair calmly, pen still poised in hand, and asked, "Feel better?"

"What?" Chase asked completely confused.

"Just thought I'd see if you'd defend this supposed love of your life," Dr. Denton said, gesturing for Chase to take a seat on the couch across from him again. Once Chase had he continued, "Chase, you don't seem to go after the things you want. You had your friend Jerry propose a reason why, you had Zoey give you one, and you never tried to work on either of their reasons and if you had, you could have probably still had Nicole. So, I decided that first of all, you weren't listening to what other people had to say, you had to realize some things on your own. And secondly I wanted to see if you really love this Nicole. I attacked Jerry, and you very slightly defended him. I attacked Zoey and you didn't defend her, which surprised me a bit considering you said you're friends with her again, but then it also told me that what happened with her still hurts you. And finally, I attacked Nicole and you sprung to defend her so I suppose I do believe in your feelings for her. And, at the same time, it seems like you finally came to admit, with certainty it sounded like, exactly why you failed to let yourself have her."

Chase's brows still furrowed, trying to comprehend everything that had happened, asked, "So, you're not really a jerk?"

"Depends on who you ask," Dr. Denton joked.

Chase leaned back on the sofa with a sigh. For the first time in a while, he felt much better. He questioned, "So, what next?"

"Chase," Dr. Denton began, leaning forward, elbows resting on knees, "I don't believe you're as…screwed as you seem to think you are. Yes, you completely blew many opportunities to be with this girl. But, as you told me, she said she loved you and if you truly define love the same way, as you said you do, then that's not going to go away easily. I believe that you should simply live your life and everything will work out."

"That's it?" Chase asked thinking that that sound far too simple and not at all the kind of thing he was hoping or expecting to hear.

"Yes," Dr. Denton confirmed. Since Chase still seemed wary he posed, "You believe in fate, don't you?"

_Someday fate will bring us the people we're supposed to be with at the exact moment we need them most _Chase recalled Nicole saying from years earlier. He had believed her then. Why not now? "Yeah," he responded.

"Then have a little faith in fate. That someday, she will get everything right for you and you will be with the woman you love," Dr. Denton suggested, "In the mean time, I suggest concentrating on the other things you want out of your life besides love. What are your other dreams? Do you have any future plans you'd like to accomplish?"

Chase told the doctor about Nicole's suggested plan for his life and how it had become his dream over the years. To try a few things out before directing some fantastic movie and then writing, producing, and even maybe directing some unbelievably good television show. The doctor told him to do that and that while he continued to live out his other dreams, him and his dream girl would eventually find their way to each other again.

The doctor bade him farewell and told him to call if wanted any further appointments, though they didn't seem necessary.

Chase left therapy feeling extremely hopefully. He left the way Nicole made him feel actually, like he believed in love again and in fate and that everything would be okay eventually.

-o-o-o-

Every time Nicole went over to Dana and Logan's there was a picture that haunted her. They had a small wall of wedding photos and of course there was one of her and Chase. It was one of those stupid posed pictures where the photographer had instructed them to tilt their chins just so. But her back was to him and his arms were wrapped around her, and their hands were intertwined.

The picture was right by the front entrance and it was impossible to avoid. It was impossible to avoid the thoughts that always came with seeing it too. Like how much he had seemed to care about her even if it was just as a friend. So how could he have done that to them? How could he have said the things he did? How could he have attacked her and been trying to hurt her?

Seeing the picture made her blame the alcohol, and only the alcohol, for everything that happened that night. It made her forgive Chase and want him back in her life.

Then she'd remember when the picture was taken and how right it felt to be in his arms. And how easily he let her go. How easily he _always _let her go.

She tried to forget and she tried to move on.

-o-o-o-

When Chase had left Dr. Denton's office in April he was fully prepared to wait for fate as long as it took. It turned out, however, that he was not that patient. By the end of May as finals approached he was so anxious waiting for destiny to bring him and Nicole back together that he couldn't concentrate on anything.

Not being able to concentrate as finals approached was extremely unfortunate because Chase had been struggling in his classes for the past two years. The upper division classes were much harder than he had anticipated and he kept getting absorbed in self-loathing and pitting that he had trouble dedicating as much time as necessary to any of his assignments. And now, he had a senior project to complete that would either give him the extra push he needed to get into the post-grad film school program at USC he'd applied for or ensure that he didn't get in and would be doomed to working on local commercials forever.

His short senior film piece was supposed to be something creative that showed that he had a unique perspective that must bee seen by people- well, it had to be that good if he wanted to get into film school. He had to write, direct, pick actors, design sets, do the lighting, basically everything for it because it was supposed to be entirely his.

The problem was that whenever he sat down to work on it all he thought of was Nicole.

Finally, thirty-seven hours before the project was due inspiration hit when he remembered all of the footage he had of Nicole. Sometimes when they'd hang out he'd have his camera practically glued to his hand, just for fun and mostly because he loved using his camera and did so with any excuse. He also had found a way to record their video chats, but the motivation behind that was simply that even when they stretched on many hours the still seemed far too short and he just wanted to see her again.

So, he went through all of the footage he had of Nicole, selected clips, put together a script of her saying things and wove it into a story of sorts. He integrated a few new things involving him and a late night mission, added some background music at key places, and finished his senior film short.

He thought that there was an awfully good chance that those grading it and looking at it for his film school application wouldn't think it was good. But it felt really good to do.

Thirty minutes before his deadline he slid his DVD into the mailbox of his professor. Across the top of the DVD, the title was scrawled. It read: _Nicole_.

-o-o-o-

With only slightly over two weeks left until graduation, Nicole, Dana, and Logan were having what had become a tradition for them since January- Thursday night dinner together. Nicole was telling a story that her mom had just told her earlier that day about her dad had mistook a young male customer in the juice store for Bonnie Hunt, when Logan interrupted speaking to his wife, "Are we really going to sit here and listen to this?"

Nicole thought that that was awfully rude of Logan to say. But then again Logan could be in a pissy mood sometimes, especially if he and Dana had had a fight recently, so she didn't take it too seriously. She responded, "Well, I know it's not the most interesting story ever…"

"That's not what he meant," Dana cut off. She sighed and gave Logan a look that said that he wasn't supposed to bring it up. She told her husband, "Since you seem eager to talk about it, you tell her."

Logan rolled his eyes at his wife-what, he had to do everything around here?- and turned to Nicole. He explained, "Not once, since January, have you ever asked us about or even mentioned Chase. I know, what he did sucked, but he always asks us about you. He asks because he cares. What? Did you just stop caring because he said a few mean things to you."

"Broke my heart, Logan, repeatedly," Nicole corrected, her voice watery, "I wouldn't expect you guys to understand just like my parents didn't understand. The first person both of you gave your heart to loved you back so you couldn't possibly comprehend how it feels like my heart's been ripped out of my chest over and over again every time he…just didn't feel the same way. Or how it felt like he ripped out my heart and then stomped on it for a few hours last New Years Eve. Or how bad it feels to know that he's not even sorry-"

"He's sorry," Dana interjected, "he's extremely sorry. He regrets everything. He even started seeing a psychiatrist three times a week because he thought he was irreversibly screwed up if he couldn't manage to…do the right thing with you."

"Why hasn't he even tried to apologize then?" Nicole asked because that was one thing that had been killing her.

"I don't get it," Logan admitted. He told his wife, "You explain it."

Dana sighed tired to think of how Chase had put it because when he said it, her first thought was that it would probably be a good thing for Nicole to hear. She recalled, "He said that you told him that fate brings together two people who are right for each other when they really need each other…or when the time's right. Something like that. And then he said that he's just waiting for fate to bring him you again. I…we suggested that he not wait for fate to apologize, but he said that if he doesn't he'll screw it up again and maybe you won't want to talk to him or see him. But when you want to see him again and when it's right, fate will bring you back to each other because it has to, because there's no other girl for him."

Nicole had begun chewing on her lower lip, trying not to cry. Logan and Dana always seemed so uncomfortable with tears. But she just couldn't believe it. She never expected that his reason for not apologizing would be because of her. Or that he thought that she was right for him. Dana and Logan had said it before. But he had never said anything to her and she just thought that her friends were interpreting, not quoting. "Really?" she asked hopefully, "He's sorry and he regrets everything and…he's relying on fate, for us?"

"Yeah," Dana confirmed as Logan nodded in agreement beside her.

"Oh," she responded simply. She didn't know what to say. It was a lot of information to think about. She had spent so long telling herself every minute that she didn't feel anything for him anymore, but this changed everything.

She didn't stay at Dana and Logan's much longer. She had a lot to think about.

-o-o-o-

"Professor Walsh," Chase said knocking on the open door, "You wanted to see me." Chase barely got those few words out without his voice cracking. He was terribly nervous. Professor Walsh was his advisor and one of the directors of the graduate program for film. He had guessed that this meeting was probably to let him know whether or not he had gotten into the graduate program.

"Mr. Matthews, please have a seat," Professor Walsh greeted warmly and gesturing to the brown leather club chair. He closed down whatever he had been working on, on his computer and wheeled his chair across from Chase. "I asked you hear today," he began, "to discuss your final film project." Chase simply nodded, waiting to hear if it was good news or bad. "First let me assure you that you did pass and you will be graduating," Professor Walsh continued and it sounded like quite a bad beginning to Chase.

"And what about the grad program, Professor?" Chase asked eagerly.

Professor Walsh smiled and answered, "You're in."

Chase let out the breath he had been holding, extremely relieved.

"It was your last film that got you in," Professor Walsh explained, "Your work has always been good, competent. But this was…inspired. I've honestly never seen anything like it. So, I was hoping to get your permission to show it in a screening we'll be having of the best senior film projects."

"No," Chase denied immediately, "I can't do that." Other people couldn't see it, he didn't have his subject's permission not to mention fate had yet to bring them back together so he could apologize for all of the horrible things he had said to her last time he saw her. His professor seemed confused so he tried to explain, "The girl in it…she goes here and she can't…"

"Oh I see," Professor Walsh interrupted with an knowing smirk, "Well it's a shame that other's won't get to see it, but understandable." He suggested, "Would you mind watching it with me now though? I thought it was…brilliant and I have so many things I'd like to ask you about. And if you don't mind watching with me, while we do so, maybe you'd be willing to give some thought to assisting me with a project I'll be working on over the summer?"

"I'd be honored to work with you," Chase replied sincerely, "And I'd love to watch my film with you now and know what you thought about it."

"Great, I had a feeling you'd agree," Professor Walsh said excitedly, suddenly with a remote in his hand and he turned on his TV as he whirled around in his chair and wheeled it next to Chase.

Suddenly, Chase had Nicole in front of him again on his professor's huge projector screen. "Hi," she greeted with a sweet smile on the screen. Chase had to resist the urge to say hi back.

-o-o-o-

A week later graduation finally came. They each graduated with their majors, luckily at different times of day and at different areas on campus, which allowed for Dana and Logan to see both Nicole's and Chase's.

Nicole and Chase both took a chance and each went to both Logan and Dana's graduations, neither daring to seek out the half of the pair not graduating though just in case the other was there. There were so many people there though, they never crossed paths.

Despite Logan and Dana's encouragement (and Michael's and Zoey's over the phone) neither Nicole nor Chase went to each other's graduations.

Chase's parents were at his graduation, as well as most of his family, and he was happy that he could now say that he had a bachelors of art in film. But the day still didn't feel right and he knew that it was Nicole that was missing from hit. He hoped fate would finally intervene soon.

Nicole was thrilled to finally get to graduation. It felt like it was a long time coming even though she had enjoyed her major. But the day still felt wrong. Her whole family was there. As enthusiastic and fantastically odd as ever, but it wasn't right and she knew it was because she hadn't gotten to cheer as Chase graduated and she didn't have him there to run up and tackle in a hug after she graduated. For the first time since the year began, she admitted to herself that she missed him and she wished he was still in her life, despite everything.

-o-o-o-

Nicole moved.

She had decided on the credential program at CSULA so there didn't seem to be any point to stay in an apartment right next to USC.

She didn't have to go through the hassle of moving alone though. She had Dana and Logan help and in return she helped them move. Logan had gotten an internship with the mayor's office and Dana wasn't sure what her next move was exactly so they decided there was no need for their house close to campus either and followed a long time dream and bought a house on the beach. Surprisingly, it took longer to move all of her stuff than it did Dana and Logan's combined. She was a huge packrat.

In her new apartment her "Chase" boxes were put in the back of a closet. She still wasn't ready to bring any of the stuff in them out. But, she had made progress, because when she filled up her DVD shelves, she didn't practice the same "Chase reminder," "non-Chase-reminder" division.

And the first thing she did in her new apartment was watch _When Harry Met Sally_. Not only did it remind her of Chase because they had watched it together many times, but Billy Crystal had dark curly hair like Chase. But despite their radically different opinions about relationships and years of nothing more than friendship, in the end, Billy Crystal's character ended up with Meg Ryan. She was troubled, however, to notice that it wasn't thanks to fate, but because of intervention.

It was just a movie though, she'd remind herself. Her parents were brought together by fate. They had both lived in Lincoln their whole lives and never crossed paths until one day when her dad was heading out of town to the airport to pick up an old friend and her mom was heading there to pick up her cousin. Her mom's car broke down and the first person to come along was her dad. He couldn't fix the car, but he offered her a ride so she wouldn't be late picking up her cousin and then offered to drive them both back. The rest was history.

Despite the fact that movies had let her down, reality gave Nicole hope. If Chase was trusting fate, she would too. And if fate should bring her Chase she'd try to give them a chance. She'd put her heart through it one more time on the slim chance that next time, he'd feel the same and next time they'd work out.

She was resolved to it, she was waiting for fate, she was waiting for Chase. Only the question kept plaguing her, how long was she supposed to wait?

-o-o-o-

It turned out that the summer project Chase's professor asked him to work on was actually a romantic film and by "work with him" his professor had meant "be his assistant." Chase didn't really get to do anything with the making of the film in his first week working for his professor and based on his main job requirement so far to be getting coffee and food for numerous people, he didn't think he'd ever get to. But he would get to see a movie made from start to finish.

Chase, however, was wrong in believing his title of "assistant" wouldn't allow him to be involved.

Nearly two weeks into the job they were spending their days attempting to cast the film. The people watching the auditions consisted of Professor Walsh, who was the director and co-writer, two other writers, a producer, and some woman who claimed to be in charge of casting. And Chase was there, as per his professors instructions, "just in case." Chase took that to mean "just in case someone wanted something to eat."

They were searching for a male lead, their was an actress standing in for the female read for the auditionees to read with, but the three young men to audition so far had only done okay.

"June, I'd do anything for you. I love you big. More than all the sand in the desert," read the latest actor without any sincerity at all.

Chase rolled his eyes. This was beyond painful. First, the line was crap in his opinion. "I love you big"? Were they kidding? And, "More than all the sand in the desert"? Why didn't they just say, "More than a fat kid loves cake?"

Chase's inner mocking monologue was interrupted by the actor being ushered out and Professor Walsh asking the room at large, "Thoughts?"

"Pretty good. His read was a little weak, but he looked the part," the supposed casting expert commented.

"Yeah, girls would love him. We could sell him," the producer added.

Chase couldn't believe what he was hearing and his look of disbelief was caught by his professor. "Chase, what did you think of the audition?" Professor Walsh asked with a quirked eyebrow.

"I don't know. You guys are the experts. Whatever you think, I'm sure you're right," Chase lied.

"You must think something," Professor Walsh insisted, "I'd love to hear your _honest_ opinion."

Chase really wasn't that good at lying and he knew that this probably wasn't going to get let go until he said something honest. He figured he could get fired for it, but he was an intern so it wasn't like he was getting paid anyway. He confessed, "I thought he was awful. He was supposed to be declaring his love, for the love of his life, and he said the lines without any conviction at all. Though the lines would be kind of difficult to say convincingly."

"You don't like them?" Professor Walsh was quick to question, increasingly intrigued.

"Honestly? No," Chase declared and explained, "I always hate to admit it, but I watch a ton of romantic movies and my parents have one of those…perfect relationships that just oozes romance. And even if love makes you stupid, which it does, that doesn't mean that your male lead has to be stupid. Especially in this moment, because reading the rest of the script, it didn't fit to me."

"That is," Professor Walsh began and paused to leave Chase in nervous suspense, "exactly what I was thinking." He elaborated, "Marty, we must have had a hellavu lot to drink when we wrote this part it's…awful. And that boy may have gotten girls to like his picture on a poster, but acting like he can't, he won't get any to fall in love with him- which is of course what we're looking for in a male lead."

Chase let out a giant sigh of relief.

Over the next twenty excruciating auditions Professor Walsh asked Chase to join the rest of the main staff at the table (instead of his place on the floor towards the back of the small room) and he was asked his opinion on every single audition. They had decided to stop having the actors read the crap on the page and had them complete a simple test, to say "I love you," to the girl standing in as the female lead convincingly. And they decided to do the re-writing later- Chase was asked to sit in on that as well.

The twenty-first actor came in and began by greeting Chase. "Dude, Chase. You stopped coming to parties. How you been?" Max asked, the president of the frat him and Nicole had gone to a few parties at, at the start of the previous school year.

"Okay," Chase responded, shocked to see Max there, "What are you doing here? I thought you said you were a business marketing major?"

"I was," Max confirmed, "and I got a degree in it, but then I started this internship at this huge firm about a month ago and I realized last week that I hated it. I was miserable. So, I've decided to try out some other stuff. Today alone I've applied to be a bar tender, male exotic dancer" (he said with a wink to the actress next to him) "and a manny. Then I saw an add for this and figured, I could totally act."

"Right," Chase agreed.

"Indeed, let's see if you're right," Professor Walsh broke in and waved his hand as if to say "begin."

Chase had a feeling that this was going to go badly, especially since Max glanced at the paper with his one line on it again. It was three words, did he really need to see it again? How could he not remember just three words?

Max took a deep breath, bounced on the balls of his feet, walked over to the actress and stopped a foot away. He simply stared at her, straight in the eyes, for almost a minute. Somehow, in the way he was looking at her, he managed to make the tension in the room grow exponentially. "I am, in love with you," he said simply and sincerely and with just a hint of vulnerability about him and still staring deep into her eyes.

Max turned back to the tables of people watching, clapped his hands together, and asked, "Alright, is that it?"

"Yes, we'll be in touch. Thank you for coming," Professor Walsh said, giving their standard line.

As soon as the door shut behind Max, Professor Walsh turned to Chase and questioned, "Well Chase, you know him, how do you think he did?"

"Shockingly good," Chase said honestly, "I went to a couple of parties at the frat he was president of and he's a nice guy, and I know he's been in love and had his heart broken, but I didn't know…he'd be good."

"Very handsome," the casting expert commented.

"Intense," the actress added, though she hadn't dared offered an opinion all day. She knew she was only a stand in.

"Marketable, charming, seemed likable," the producer agreed.

"And he offered the most believable performance of the day so far," Professor Walsh offered, "I think we've found our first call back."

At the end of the long day, Max was being called back along with two other actors for the male lead. As he was leaving Professor Walsh told Chase that him and his co-writer would be working on the script over the weekend and he should be there. Also, he should come prepared with a list- preferably long- of things to go with "I love you" that the character would believably say. This gave Chase two days to compile his list. As he was writing it, he once again he wished he had Nicole in his life, that fate had already brought them back together. Because when it came to lines of love, he could think of no one who knew them better or who inspired them more than Nicole.

-o-o-o-

"What's the emergency," Nicole said running into Dana's house, "You didn't see Saul Aguilar did you? Because he's still at large and wanted for murder in the Los Angeles area." She had still been watching _America's Most Wanted_, it had become an odd addiction.

"There's no emergency," Dana said coming out of her kitchen and meeting Nicole in the living room, "Why did you think there was an emergency? I just said I needed to talk."

"But you never want to talk so I assumed something was up," Nicole rationalized.

Dana plopped down on her couch and admitted, "Maybe."

"You're pregnant!" Nicole guessed, jumping excitedly, "I'm going to be an auntie, right?"

"No," Dana denied, "And before you ask, yes, I'm sure."

Nicole sat down beside Dana and simply waited. She had learned over the years that if there was something Dana wanted to talk about, she would, on her own terms and in her own time.

She was right. After only half a minute Dana began, "I just, I have no idea what I'm going to do. What was I thinking getting a degree in Women's Studies? The only thing that does is allow me to know more facts to back up my arguments with Logan when I accuse him of doing something chauvinistic. Now, I have no idea what I want to do."

"What does Logan have to say about this?" Nicole asked, in her clever way of finding out if Dana had talked to Logan about it yet.

"He said that I don't have to do anything. He's only interning at the mayor's office right now, but he seems to think that his political career's going to take off at any moment and he'll earn plenty of money. Until then we can continue to live off his trust fund and I don't have to do anything," Dana ranted with disgust, she hated living off his parent's money. She continued, "Which of course is ridiculous. I can't stay at my job forever though. I like being a line cook, but it's not…I just don't love it and I don't know what I'm going to do."

"I know what to do," Nicole said with a reassuring smile, "when I don't know what to do, I close my eyes and picture my future. I picture different scenarios and the one that makes me smile, that's the one I know I'm supposed to follow, the one I'm supposed to make come true. So close your eyes."

"This is stupid," Dana declared as she closed her eyes. She insulted the idea just for good measure-it was just in her personality to be disgruntled with anything even slightly cheesy.

Nicole ignored the expected barb and continued, "Now, Logan's definitely going to be in any version of your future since he's your husband so go ahead and picture him." Nicole watched as Dana smiled, "Aw, just Logan makes you smile. I told you, you are so meant for each other."

"Shut up," Dana played as she cracked her eyes open and attempted to look at Nicole menacingly. But she knew she should give up this jig entirely, there was simply no denying anymore that she was head over heels for her husband.

Dana closed her eyes again so Nicole continued her descriptions of various futures for Dana. She suggested both things she thought Dana may like, like being a chef or a lawyer or an artist and stuff she had no idea if it'd have any appeal to Dana like a pilot or an actress or an accountant. After twenty minutes and Dana not smiling for a single one of them, as Nicole struggled to come up with another suggestion, Dana opened her eyes and declared, "This is hopeless."

"No," Nicole countered immediately because she personally refused to believe that any task was hopeless. However, this was proving quite difficult. She suggested, "But it may be a bit easier if you…help out a little. How about you close your eyes and imagine your life in ten years. Tell me what you want and what you definitely don't want."

"What do I want when I'm thirty-two?" Dana clarified and Nicole nodded. She rolled her eyes, but closed them again. She began, "I want Logan. I want to still be by the ocean. I want…kids with Logan. Not tons, but maybe a couple. At least one by then. And…I want to be around to be with the kid or kids a lot. Maybe be that combative parent on the PTA. Or the one that's always getting kicked out of their kid's sporting events for harassing the ref. And…" she trailed off.

"Those are awesome goals," Nicole quipped. Most people didn't want to get kicked out of children's sporting events, but Nicole knew that Dana was being her usual realistic self and they both knew that if Dana had a kid and he or she got even slightly or even accidentally hit or injured in a game, there was a pretty good chance that the ref who didn't stop it would be the victim of a homicide.

Dana opened her eyes and said worriedly, "They're so…Suzy Homemaker-ish. And I'm not that girl. I've spent years making fun of that girl."

"I know, I remember the insults well," Nicole agreed, but added, "And maybe you weren't that girl. Maybe you're her now though." At Dana's glare she rushed to explain, "I mean, it makes sense. You're married to a guy you're so in love with and your parent's weren't around for you and his weren't for him. If you had kids it makes sense that you'd want to be around a lot, that you'd want to be involved- both of you. And you love Logan, and you're going to be with him forever, it makes sense that you'd want a family with him too."

"I guess," Dana relented, "You're right. I don't want to have kids who grow up the same way I did, without anyone around. But I also don't want to have kids for a while. We're still young. And I want to have some kind of career to go back to when the kids get old enough."

Nicole sighed, this was so much more difficult than even deciding between two cute pairs of shoes, both of which went with the same outfit flawlessly. She asked, "What are your hobbies?"

"Cooking," Dana came up with easily, but amended, "But I already know from being a line cook that I don't want to be a chef. I like eating, but I really don't find the idea of being one of those people that enters eating competitions as a profession appealing. And I write sometimes, but usually just…criticisms of various ridiculous things people post as blogs or articles."

"Food critic!" Nicole exclaimed immediately, "You can write well, and criticize, and you know about food. It's perfect."

Dana seemed stunned by the unexpected suggestion, but after a minute responded, "I think you're right, that is something that sounds pretty good. Now, I just have to figure out how to do it."

"You will, and you'll be brilliant. I have no doubt," Nicole said supportively.

Since she didn't have future-unknown-crisis plaguing her mind anymore, Dana realized something she had missed asking earlier, "Wait, you said you do the same thing? Picturing your future? So what's the version that makes you smile?"

"You know, teaching," Nicole said vaguely and changed the topic quickly, "Speaking of, I have a class tonight, and I have work to do for it. I know I'm getting much needed classes out of the way this summer because their will be too much to juggle during the year, but I really should have kept in mind how much taking classes during the summer sucks before I signed up for them. Oh well, let's distract me from the stuff I have to do for a while by going to the beach! I have a swimsuit in my car, I'll be right back."

She knew it was obvious, but Nicole didn't want to talk about the future she pictured, especially since fate, so far, had seemed intent on not giving it to her. The truth was, when she closed her eyes she did picture herself in a classroom of high school students trying to persuade them how wonderful written words could be. Then, on Valentines Day, she'd have the biggest display in her room than any other teacher and better gifts than any of the students that would come through her room throughout the day. And it'd all be Chase's doing. Some sweet young girl would ask her who it's from and she'd say it's from her husband. All the flowers and chocolates and cheesy cards and small personalized things that only they would understand because it'd be so them- like a can with the Jolly Green Giant on it, or a boxed set of _Dawson's Creek_ DVD's. And then she'd see herself on his arm at his first big premier and they'd both be glowing- him because he'd be living out his dream, her because she'd be just pregnant enough with their first child that she could no longer hide it. She'd feel fat and he'd tell her she's beautiful with such sincerity that she'd have no doubt that he truly thought so. Or she'd simply picture herself waking up in the morning in some cute bedroom, with a hand that had become familiar in hers, and she'd be absolutely content. She'd always smile when she'd close her eyes and imagine futures like those, but then she'd open her eyes, like now, and she'd be in her car, alone. She'd be forced to remember how it'd been seven and a half months since they saw each other or spoke, and the strong possibility that none of her imagined futures would come true.

But then again, Nicole refused to believe anything was hopeless. So, she continued to have faith in fate and closed her eyes again to imagine the future she wasn't nearly ready to give up on.

-o-o-o-

Nearly six weeks after the initial meeting to rewrite the script, the script was still in the process of being re-written. They had even begun filming, and many changes had been made to the script in the long re-writing session Chase spent with Professor Walsh and his co-writer Marty. But somehow, that pivotal scene, the confession of love, it wasn't coming together despite trying various lines and set-ups for it.

"Dude, you look like, really serious," Max observed through a mouthful of turkey sandwich. He had gotten the part as male lead and Chase frequently found himself hanging out with Max around the set or, like now, while they had a lunch break.

"That part in the script just still isn't working and at some point we'll actually have to shoot it. Professor Walsh keeps asking my opinion, but I don't know how to fix it. It's just bad," Chase explained.

Max nodded along. He got it, but he didn't think it'd be the worst tragedy if the lines weren't perfect. It was just a movie. All the guys making it, they'd make more. If it wasn't perfect, none of them would be ruined by this. "Stop worrying, you'll get it right," Max offered because Chase seriously needed to relax. He decided to try and help take his mind off of it, though, later, he'd realize he probably didn't choose the best replacement topic, "So, you never told me, what did happen between you and Nicole?"

Chase sighed into his meatball sandwich. He knew this question would come eventually. He recited his already prepared answer, "I ruined it. Said and did everything wrong and now we haven't spoken and I haven't seen her in eight and a half months."

Instead of asking Chase whether or not he was still in love with Nicole, Max, from personal experience, knew another question to ask, "How long exactly since you've seen her?"

Chase shrugged and tried to say nonchalantly, "Eight months, thirteen days, fourteen hours and thirty-seven minutes."

Max simply nodded. He'd been there himself and, if he was being honest, he still sort of was there and probably always would be. He hadn't planned on asking or mentioning Nicole anymore since he knew what it was like to be Chase, but an idea occurred to him, "You know that part of the script you're having trouble with? The declaration part? Well, what would you say if it was Nicole?"

"I don't know," Chase said, running a hand through his hair. He sat back in his chair and said thoughtfully, "If I was giving Nicole one of those "I love you speeches," as she calls them, I'd probably just tell her I love her and say…something that would mean something to us, something based on our history." Chase honestly hadn't put that much thought into what he would say to Nicole and he really didn't want to, just in case fate never gave him the chance to say it. He was trying to stay positive like Nicole had always encouraged him to be, always made him feel, but as the months dragged on, he was having trouble still believing in fate. Turning the tables, he asked, "What would you say to the girl you said you screwed up with?"

He really should have seen that coming. But, Chase had manned up and answered so Max replied, "I'd tell her that…I'm an idiot and I'm sorry. I still love her and if she'd still have me, I'd spend the rest of my life being any guy she wants me to be."

"That's based on your history too?" Chase asked, an idea creeping up on him.

"Yep," Max confirmed and happily went back to inhaling his massive turkey sandwich.

Later that night, Chase went to Professor Walsh with a fully formed idea and a suggestion of lines. By the next morning, he had been such a help, his professor was so thankful, that he was going to be credited as one of the writers of the film. His professor thanked him profusely, so thankful to have help on his and his writing partner's first romantic film (they had successfully brought back the western and thought they'd be up to this new challenge). At the start of filming the next day, Professor Walsh go the attention of everyone working on the film and declared to them that Chase was a young film genius and they should be nice to him, for in the future, he'd be a man they'd want to know.

All the praise, it felt really good. Of course Chase doubted that it was all true and it also felt like a lot of pressure, a lot of expectations to live up to. However, Chase also couldn't help thinking that Nicole was maybe right, maybe he'd be great.

-o-o-o-

Fall came and passed.

Nicole did fantastically through her first semester in her credential program in everything from her classes, to her observations, to the few times she got to teach a lesson.

Chase had always struggled at least a bit in his film classes, but somehow, now in his graduate program he found himself finally feeling at ease. Like he was exactly in the right place. On his weekends he helped with the post-production tasks on the film.

They both lived in the same city. They both visited their mutual friends frequently. They were both experiencing success with their chosen careers. But they both still felt like something, someone, was missing. They both knew who it was.

But fate had decided that fall was not their time, so they waited still.

-o-o-o-

On New Years Eve Nicole found herself once again at her aunt's house. Thankfully everyone was nice enough not to grill her about or even bring up her broken engagement from the previous year. Though, she had already gotten those questions at Easter.

As midnight passed and everyone celebrated outside, watched the fireworks, Nicole found herself in _the _hallway upstairs. It had officially been a year since she saw Chase. She remembered all of the horrible things that had been said, but still, she knew she missed him and that wherever he was, he was sorry and missing her too.

Later, when she had rejoined the party, a friend of one of her cousin's asked her to dance. He was cute and sweet and charming and there. She wondered if fate was trying to tell both her and Chase something with the year they had spent apart.

The song changed as she stalled in answering and "That's All" began to play. She declined the nice guy asking her to dance. She could give fate a while longer. For Chase, she could give fate forever.

-o-o-o-

Chase spent New Years Eve at home with his parents. That idea alone seemed like a depressing thought. What twenty three year old doesn't have anything better to do or can't come up with anything else to do than spend New Years Eve watching his parents cuddle on their family couch as they watched the ball drop over Time Square on TV?

He was distracted from those depressing thoughts though by one other that had been plaguing him day and night. Just after eleven o'clock his time, it was officially a year since he saw Nicole. And by the time he rang in the New Year it was officially over a year since he saw Nicole; one year, fifty-eight minutes.

He told himself that Nicole would have endless faith and so should he. But it had been over a year and fate had done nothing to bring them back together. He couldn't help but think that maybe it was never going to. He had long since started to doubt fate, but he decided he'd wait anyway. It was Nicole after all, he'd wait forever for her.

-o-o-o-

Dana and Logan were not as patient as their friends.

Upon each of their returns to Los Angeles after the holidays, they decided to split up and each talk to one of them about the on-going situation.

"It's been over a year and you still haven't done anything?" they both opened up with, Logan to Chase at Chase's house, Dana to Nicole at Nicole's apartment.

"I'm waiting for fate," both Chase and Nicole reminded their respective interrogators.

"That's so stupid," Dana told Nicole.

"You're an idiot. And such a girl," Logan declared to Chase.

Nicole and Chase both rolled their eyes at their friend's expected responses.

"You can't wait for fate," Logan began to Chase.

"Fate brought you and Dana together," Chase reminded to Logan.

"No it didn't," Dana denied, refuting Nicole's claim to her that it was fate that brought her and her now husband. Dana explained, "It brought us to the same area. I had to show him that I wanted to stay with him. I had to come back to his house and kiss him. I had to stay. Fate…just put us in the near vicinity of each other, we had to do the rest."

"And if she hadn't come back I was about five seconds from racing after her because…if you want something, you actually have to do something to get it. That's just life. Sittin' around doing nothing gets you nowhere," Logan wrapped up to Chase.

Nicole thought maybe Dana had a point. Dana did have to make a move in order to be with Logan, fate didn't do that for her.

Chase thought maybe Logan was right. If one of them hadn't had the courage to go after it when it was there, Logan and Dana might not be together today.

The thing that kept both Chase and Nicole in their respective homes after the talking to from their friends was that Dana and Logan were still brought to the same place, same time and whether they wanted to admit it or not, that was thanks to fate.

So both Nicole and Chase knew the other was in the same town, their friends believed they should just go to the other person and finally end this, but they both decided to wait for fate to bring them to the same place at the right time.

They didn't know it, but in two more months, they wouldn't have the option of waiting for fate anymore, something else entirely would intervene. When it did, they'd see each other again, after one year, one month, twenty-six days, seven hours, and six minutes.

* * *

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed reading! Please be sure to ****REVIEW****:)**

**Part VII title:** And the only heart I own for you and you alone, that's all, that's all ("That's All"- there are many artist who cover it, the most recent of which was probably Michael Buble)

Oh, and some good news (or at least I think it is), I've decided to add on a short **epilogue** after part eight so the next posting won't be the last.

**Thank you for reading!**


	8. Part VIII

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and continued to read!**

I know it's taken me forever to get this out. I'm sorry about that, but this part ended up much longer than I thought. It's 59 pages, almost 30,000 words. It's excessive- I'm aware- but oh well, it will have to do since me reworking it into something less extensive would take me forever (seriously, I'm really bad with those kinds of decisions). I figured I'd go ahead and post this for all the lovely and patient people reading and worry about the unevenness of the whole story later.

Remember that though this is the last chapter of the story technically, an epilogue is still to come. When it is going to come is completely unknown. Unfortunately, I'm going to be spending lots of time at the dentist again very soon so time to write is going to be a bit of a problem. My goal, however, is to have it done within a week. We'll see how that goes though.

Anyway, I hope all of you enjoy the conclusion to the story for Nicole and Chase.

**Note:** Music mentioned in the chapter added to the playlist you can get to from the link on my profile.

* * *

**Heavy Hearts

* * *

**

**VIII. ****And the only heart I own for you and you alone, that's all, that's all**

Chase got the call on what was shaping up to be a typical Friday morning.

"Chase," came Dana's voice urgently.

"Hey, how was the restaurant you had to review last night? I've heard really great things about their mushroom risotto," Chase asked, thinking that it was just a typical friendly call.

Dana had gotten a job as a restaurant reviewer for a very small indie newspaper a few months earlier. Since then, everyone had been very interested in her assignments, mainly, since the meals were paid for by the paper, in hopes that they got to tag along and eat for free. She didn't have time for general conversation right now though so she got right to the point, "Chase we really can't talk about my job right now. You have to get to the airport as soon as possible. Blow off your next class, call the professor friend of yours, he'll understand, just, whatever, get to the airport."

"Why?" Chase asked not understanding Dana's insistence.

"Because Nicole's there," Dana responded. Chase was going to thwart what was probably their friend's five hundredth attempt at a set up, but before he could Dana continued, "She just called me because her mom called her this morning. Her dad had a heart attack and her mom called on the way to the hospital. When he was being loaded into the ambulance though, he wasn't breathing. Things don't sound good and she needs someone there. I would go, but I can't and I was going to tell you guys later why I can't but…I'm pregnant. We found out a few days ago and technically I can fly, but I'm throwing up pretty easily so my doctor recommended that I don't do things that could make me feel worse like go out on the ocean or a potentially bumpy plane ride until I feel better. So, go to the airport and be the friend Nicole needs."

"Already packing a bag," Chase said as he stuffed random articles into his duffle. "And Dana," he said catching her before she hung up, "thanks. And congratulations, tell Logan I said so too."

"Thanks, Uncle Chase," Dana said and Chase could hear her smile through the phone. "Keep us posted," she reminded before letting him go.

A few minutes after getting off the phone Chase was ready to leave. He sighed as he zipped up his bag. Today wasn't going to be typical after all.

-o-o-o-

It was like she was on autopilot as Nicole got the next flight home, paid for her ticket, and went through security. Nothing seemed real. How did her dad have a heart attack? He was only fifty-three and she thought he was in pretty good health- or at least, he never said anything about not being okay.

Instead of heading for her gate, Nicole took a detour to the bathroom. It was relatively empty and for that she was thankful. She locked herself in a stall and proceeded to cry. Heart aching sobs; terrified sobs.

She had allowed herself to cry at home right after she got the call, but then she realized she had to pull herself together and get her things and get to her family as fast as possible. She called Dana and told her what was going on so her friends wouldn't worry that she had dropped off the face of the planet when she wasn't at her apartment and having to repeat what had happened to someone made her want to cry all over again. But she was in a taxi and she'd be at the airport soon and she was not going to break down. Now, she just couldn't help it. And she knew that it may be her last chance for a while because she didn't want to fall apart on her mom or her sister- they would need her to be strong because her sister is the younger one and it's her mom's husband, the love of her life.

She checked her phone for the time with bleary eyes. She'd probably been crying for ten minutes and it seemed as though she didn't have anymore- or at least she wasn't willing to risk anymore because she could not miss this flight.

Nicole cleaned herself up, tried to erase any sign that she had been crying, but her eyes simply wouldn't de-puff. She headed for her gate anyway.

When she got to G7, the gate indicated by her boarding pass, Nicole stood looking at the people milling around it in surprise. For in the crowd of people, with his eyes scanning the crowd worriedly, was Chase.

His eyes finally found hers and it was like the world stopped. He walked toward her and he seemed nervous, death gripping his book bag he had slung across his body, uncertainty in his eyes.

"Hi," he greeted softly.

Seeing him there before her, hearing his voice again, it made Nicole feel even more like nothing was real. How was he here? How was she seeing him again _now _after over a year?

When she didn't respond Chase rushed to add, "I'm so sorry for…so many things. But I heard about your dad from Dana and I'll leave now if you want me to and we can pretend like I was never even here-"

Nicole didn't get to find out what else Chase was going to say because she cut him off, launching herself at him in a fierce hug. "If you leave, I'll have Dana and Logan hurt you," Nicole whispered into his shoulder.

Chase smiled. He wasn't sure that she'd want him there and he thought maybe fate hadn't brought them back together because maybe she hated him for…everything. But here he was, with her in his arms, this time he wasn't going to let her go. "It was the worst one year, one month, twenty six days, seven hours, and six minutes of my life because you weren't in them," he confessed, holding on to her just a little bit tighter.

"Me too," she agreed and tried not to cry. She wasn't going to, she had to be the strong one, she reminded herself.

An announcement on the PA declaring the start of boarding for their flight finally forced the breaking apart of Chase and Nicole's hug after a good four minutes.

As she released him, Nicole looked up at Chase and managed a small smile as she said, "You have to make up for missed hugs too."

He nodded in agreement and smiled as he declared, "That will be the best punishment ever."

"Punishment?" Nicole questioned.

"Yeah," Chase said and nervously began playing with the strap of his bag, pulling at the frayed threads. He looked down at his hands as he fidgeted. But he was going to do this right, he had thought about it a lot and he was absolutely going to do it right. He looked back up at Nicole and apologized, "I'm so sorry for everything I said." He added quietly, "And everything I should have said and never did." He concluded, "I do deserve a punishment or something. I definitely don't deserve your forgiveness and I'm not expecting it or anything just because I came and just because I'm going with you."

"But I do forgive you," Nicole insisted earnestly, "If you forgive me." At Chase's look of confusion she matched his quiet tone and explained, "You weren't the only one who said things they shouldn't have. Or let things go unsaid that shouldn't have. But I need you to forgive me because I don't think I could take it if you didn't."

"Nothing to forgive," Chase swore softly.

She smiled, eyes watery and trying to keep tears from falling. She nodded and maintained, "Well, you have to make up for hugs anyway."

"The whole flight if you want," Chase promised.

He reached out and offered her his hand. She took it and laced their fingers together. Everything fell into place. He led her to the plane and, as promised, held her the whole flight. It was exactly what she needed; his shoulder, his comfort, his _presence_. She didn't cry the whole flight.

-o-o-o-

When the plane landed at the Kansas City airport, Chase and Nicole both grabbed their bags from the overhead bin, neither packing large bags because they had kept in mind how quickly they wanted to travel and waiting for checked baggage was never quick.

Once they stepped into the airport however, Nicole stalled. She had not thought this far ahead. She didn't have a car here, she didn't call any relatives for a ride.

Chase noticed she had stopped, his hand tugged back to her as she had been holding it because he had yet to stop touching her for more than two minutes. He noticed how lost she looked and took a guess as to why. He offered, "I uh, called ahead and made reservations to rent a car. I didn't know if you had anything planned so I did just in case."

She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him briefly. She leaned back and said sincerely, "Thank you."

He shrugged in response like it wasn't a big deal and grabbed both of their bags from the floor- both having been dropped for the hug- and headed for the rental car agency.

Thirty minutes later they were on the road. Chase drove at his insistence that, as worried and anxious as she was, Nicole shouldn't. Nicole didn't put up a fight. She gave him directions to get him to her hometown, but the ride was quite and somber. Chase drove as fast as he could, when he could do so safely, because he knew how important it was that Nicole get to the hospital as quick as possible and by the time they got in the car it had already been four and half hours since her mom initially called.

While they were on the road, twenty minutes from Lawrence, Nicole finally got a hold of her mom again. She said her dad was rushed into open-heart surgery two hours earlier and she hadn't heard anything about how it was going.

Finally, after what felt like forever, though was actually only thirty minutes (Chase had made impressive time) they arrived at the hospital. Nicole was out the door of the car before Chase even put the car in park. He caught up with her at the front desk where she was frantically asking where her dad was. A nurse patiently told her that he was in surgery on the fourth floor, which meant that her family was probably in a waiting room up there that was right, and then left from the elevator, following the blue dashed line.

Chase followed Nicole to the elevators where one opened as soon as she pressed the up button. They got it in it. They were the only ones and they rode up to the fourth floor wordlessly. Around the second floor though, he took her hand in his and gave her a reassuring squeeze before proceeding to stroke his thumb over the back of her hand soothingly.

She took a deep breath and turned her head to her left to look at him and to find him staring back at her. There were so many things she had wanted to say to him for so long.

The elevator stopped and the doors sprung open reminding both of them that now was not the time for _them_.

They walked out of he elevator together, hand in hand, and followed the nurses directions to a small waiting area. When they got there they saw Nicole's mom and sister sitting in the corner. Nicole ran over to them, letting go of Chase's hand in the process.

Chase stood where the carpet of the waiting area met the tile of the hallway unsure of what to do. He felt like he was intruding on something private within a family, but then again he wanted to be there for Nicole. There wasn't any hiding though, he was here. He made his way over to the rapidly speaking women slowly.

"Chase, it's so nice of you to come," Jill said as she sprung up from her seat and gave him a hug.

Chase didn't know what to say, so he simply returned the hug.

Jill sat down again, sandwiched in between her daughters and explained to Chase, "I was just telling Nicole that we still haven't heard anything. I haven't even seen any of the people that went with him when they took him to surgery."

"What happened exactly though? This morning you told me he wasn't breathing?" Nicole asked trying to seem calm and collected.

"I didn't think he was breathing," Jill said breathily. She took a deep breath, dabbed the well used tissue clutched in her hand at the tear rolling down the side of her face and explained, "He had planned to be at the store earlier, but as usual he got distracted by _The Today Show_. So he was running around the house, finally getting ready to leave, and I was on the computer checking my e-mail. He came in, said goodbye, and stopped on his way out. I thought he had just forgotten something, but wasn't quite sure what that was and was trying to remember, but then he just dropped to the ground clutching at his chest. And by the time the ambulance got there I didn't think he was breathing, but when we got to the hospital- I didn't want your sister driving on her own so I drove us here separately- the paramedics said he was breathing, it was just shallow. Then the doctors tried all of these medications to fix his heart. Uh…beta blockers, clot…dissolving medicines. I don't know, they listed so many things. But they weren't working and they said that in order to save him they had to do a bi-pass as soon as possible. Since he hasn't been conscious, which they seemed really concerned about- I don't think that's normal- I had to give my consent and I did immediately and they rushed him off to surgery. We've been waiting for news ever since."

Jill started crying again as she recounted everything that had happened with her husband that day. Nicole and Hannah wrapped her up in a giant hug and told her that everything would be okay. But then Hannah started crying too and Nicole was the only one reminding them that their dad was strong and the doctors know what they're doing.

After sitting and watching Nicole's mother and sister break down and somehow manage to gather their strength again, Chase felt like he should leave the family to deal with this without his intrusion for a while. He stood up and offered, "I'm going to go get you guys some food. I know Nicole hasn't eaten in the last…six and a half hours and I'm guessing you guys might not of too. I was going to get massive amounts of coffee too. Any other requests?"

"Oh," Jill sighed, "Coffee does sound wonderful. Thank you Chase."

"No," Nicole began.

"Coffee for you," Chase finished, "I know. Hot chocolate or orange juice or apple juice sound better?"

"Orange, thanks," Nicole responded, managing a small smile because he remembered.

"Hannah, any thing special for you?" Chase offered again since she hadn't spoken up.

"No," she responded quietly, distantly.

"Chocolate," Nicole said, the thought springing to her mind, "get chocolate, it makes everything better."

"Agreed. Alright, I'll be right back then," Chase promised and was off. As soon as he turned the corner and they could no longer see him, he broke into a jog just because he wanted to mean it when he said he'd be right back.

-o-o-o-

Jill only managed to restrain herself for about a minute after Chase left. Cracking, she asked Nicole, "So what's Chase doing here?"

"I can ask him to leave if you don't want him here," Nicole immediately offered thinking that her mom thought it was inappropriate that he was there.

"No," Jill responded immediately, "it's fine that he's here. It's sweet of him to be here. But, I thought you hadn't seen or spoken to him since your fight. When did that change?"

"This morning at the airport," Nicole responded honestly. She had always told her mom everything and she felt like this wasn't the time to be talking about her life, but then again her mom was the one asking and maybe her mom needed that distraction. She could certainly use a distraction from the many "what-ifs" concerning her dad that had been plaguing her mind since her mom called that morning. She explained, "I told you how I was waiting for…fate, but we got this instead. On my way to the airport I called Dana to let her know I was leaving town. I keep telling her about all the people that are potentially in our area that I see on _America's Most Wanted_, so I've kind of made her as paranoid as I am and I know that if I wasn't at my apartment she'd think something may have happened to me. So, I told her what happened. Then, I got to the gate at the airport and Chase was there, waiting for me. Dana had called him and he came."

"That was very nice of him," Jill commented. "So," she began, "does that mean everything is okay between you two?"

"Yeah," Nicole confirmed and she was fairly sure she was right, "I don't know where we stand exactly and I don't really want to figure it out right now. But we're okay."

"Good," Jill said and picked up the old magazine she had in her lap and kept trying to read so she wouldn't just sit there and worry herself sick. She acted casual as she commented, "You know your dad will be happy to see Chase. He always liked him much better than any other boy in your life."

"Really?" Nicole asked surprised. She always thought Chase was scared of her dad and that her dad had done something to give Chase that impression, "I always thought dad was trying to scare Chase away."

"Oh he was," Jill confirmed with a small nostalgic laugh, "He may have liked Chase better, but doesn't make you any less his little girl who he didn't want to lose."

Jill returned to trying to read her magazine and Nicole chose to search for one too instead of responding. She was happy to distract her mom or do anything else her mom wanted, but right now, tales of her dad, remembering him, it just made her worry all the more and if she kept it up she would break down and cry again and she was determined not to do that in front of her mom and her sister.

-o-o-o-

Twenty minutes after he left, Chase returned to the waiting room with both hands full. In one hand he held a tray of beverages, clearly not from the hospital, and he carried a paper bag in the other. When he reached the Bristow's Chase set the bag down and began handing out the beverages. "Alright, I've got a regular coffee, a cappuccino, a mocha, a latte, a chi tea, two orange juices, and two hot chocolates. The coffee in the cafeteria looked gross, but it turns out there's a coffee place about half a mile down the road, which probably isn't news to you guys, you live here," Chase rambled as he offered each Bristow woman the tray to pick one of the drinks to her liking.

"Ah, you found Jitterz," Jill said, realizing what place nearby that Chase was talking about.

"I hate their cliché name, but they do have good stuff," Nicole commented taking a hot chocolate from the tray.

Chase set the tray with the left over beverages down and began going through his bag. He pushed the top item to the side to save it for later and went for the food. As he pulled things out and distributed them he explained, "I picked up some food too because I know Nicole hasn't eaten since we got on the plane at least and I figured you guys could be hungry too. And if you're going to be here a while you really should eat, you don't want to get sick or pass out from low blood sugar or something. So I have a variety of bagels and a variety of toppings and some sandwiches and some waters too in case you don't want to wash stuff down with coffee or juice."

"Chase this is so thoughtful of you. Thank you so much," Jill said sincerely. She didn't particularly feel like eating but she knew her girls should and wouldn't if she didn't too and lead by example. She grabbed a sandwich from the spread Chase had laid out on the coffee table before them and dug in.

Nicole didn't hesitate to grab a bagel. She hadn't thought about it before, but Chase was right. It had been a long time since she ate a granola bar before her mom called.

Hannah didn't reach for anything and had barely touched her latte.

"Oh, and I got a bunch of chocolate too," Chase remembered and pulled handfuls out of the bag. Noticing that Hannah wasn't eating and that Nicole had suggested chocolate when Hannah hadn't said anything earlier, Chase came and knelt down on the ground in front of her and offered her some of the chocolate. "Hannah," he began, "how about some chocolaty goodness in the form of a Dove bar? I know, it's not particularly healthy, but it's better than nothing at all." He added softer, "When your dad gets out of surgery he's going to want to see you, and you don't want to risk ending up in a hospital bed somewhere else in the hospital and being unable to see him because you're too weak from not eating."

"He's right," Jill chimed in, "I don't want any of the rest of us ending up patients here too. I don't think I could handle that so we all have to make sure we eat and stay hydrated so there's less chance of worrying ourselves sick."

Hannah finally took the proffered candy bar from Chase and offered him a small smile in return.

Chase returned to the seemingly never ending bag next to his chair across from Nicole and next to the table he had been piling everything on to as Jill asked, "It's so lucky you got Dove. That's Hannah's favorite. How did you know she wouldn't be able to put up a fight against it?"

Chase shrugged and explained, "Well, it was just a lucky guess based on the fact that Nicole had Dove hidden all around her apartment."

Nicole gasped mock shock and then shrugged and responded, "Well, I had to hide them. Any time Dana and Logan came by Logan would get bored and start raiding my cupboards."

"Yeah, I need to change the locks on my house or something because I keep finding him there and he always eats probably half of all my food," Chase agreed. In replying to Nicole, Chase had looked at her for longer than he had since he got back since he had previously been busy going over food and beverages. He noticed goose bumps on her arms and pulled out the remaining item from the bag- a sweatshirt of his. He had brought it because he thought the hospital was pretty cool, but he was thinking clearly when he left so he packed and prepared for a Kansas winter. Nicole, however, clearly hadn't because she was still in her L.A. winter wear, which wasn't nearly sufficient, and she didn't have a coat with her.

Chase simply held the sweatshirt out to Nicole. She took it silently with a smile of thanks. She slipped it over her head and he caught her eyes as she curled into it. Just as they were wordlessly sunk into their ChaseandNicole bubble, they were interrupted.

"Chase," called a middle-aged nurse as she approached him, "I found out the what you were looking for. This the family?"

"Yeah," Chase confirmed, "Doris, these are the Bristow's, Hannah, Jill, and Nicole and this is Doris, I met her in the elevator while I was heading out for the food and stuff." Chase asked eagerly, "So you have information about Mr. Bristow?"

"Yes. He's not my patient, but my friend Jeannie is one of his nurses and she said that he's still in surgery. They're doing a few more bypasses than they initially thought they'd have to do. He's doing very well through it all though," Doris assured.

"Thank you," Jill said immediately, gratefully. "Why hasn't anyone been out to talk to us though?" She asked, concerned that something had happened, some kind of problem had occurred that she wasn't hearing about.

"When they run into something unexpected, like the extra bypasses, they generally get pretty focused on the task at hand. And a lot of the time when nothing goes wrong they don't even think of saying anything to the family. So it's actually a pretty good sign that you haven't heard from anyone- it means he's been sailing through the surgery as well as anyone does. When they have the unexpected work though, it's hard to know where the halfway point is, which is when they usually send someone out. So, in your case they'll probably send someone out with an update when they know that they're approaching the end of the surgery," Doris explained. She reached out and squeezed Jill's hand reassuringly, "But if you need anything in the mean time just come find me. If I'm not at the nurse's station then I'm probably with patients so just wandering the halls should be enough to find me."

Doris let go of Jill's hand with one more squeeze and was off to continue her work. Chase said a quiet thank you to her as she left.

"That was good news," Nicole commented, trying to be optimistic for her mom and sister's sake.

"Yes," Jill agreed, "and it explains why it's taking so long."

"How did you…" Nicole began to ask Chase, but she wasn't sure how to put what she was thinking. She ended up with, "You and Doris, what happened there?"

"I met her in the elevator," Chase repeated. Nicole gestured for him to continue so he sighed and explained, "Summer before senior year of high school I spent about two weeks as a candy striper. Yeah, they let guys do that. My grandma encouraged me to after she had spent some time in the hospital. Anyway, it became clear while I was there that it's very important to befriend the nurses. So that's what I did. I got her a coffee too and talked to her a little bit. Then she asked me why I was here, I explained, said how you guys were still waiting for any kind of news, and she said when she got back from grabbing something from the cafeteria she'd check into it, see what she could do."

"You know I've heard that about nurses before and I wish I had remembered it myself. Thank you again though Chase," Jill said grateful that there was someone around who was able to think clearly.

"It was no problem," Chase responded modestly. He was going to do whatever it took to help in any way he could, that was just par for the course when it came to Nicole.

-o-o-o-

Three hours after Nicole and Chase got to the hospital, five and a half hours after the surgery started, the Bristow women had yet to receive any news. Hannah's friends stopped by and stayed for a while, which seemed to help her cope. Jill had excused herself to the restroom a few times and by the look of her eyes when she would return, she must have been leaving to cry.

Chase watched them all carefully, especially Nicole. Nicole kept staring at one magazine after another or staring at the TV in the opposite corner of the room, but she wasn't really reading or watching anything. Plus, Chase realized that she hadn't smiled since he gave her his sweatshirt, about two hours ago, and it was the longest he had ever seen her go without smiling. It was unsettling.

He didn't know what to do, but Chase wanted to be there for Nicole, and he thought, maybe, he could just do that very literally. He got up from his chair across from her, and sat in the empty chair to her left. Her left hand was resting on the wooden arm of her chair. He put his right hand on the right arm to his chair and slowly inched it closer until his pinky finger was barely grazing hers. She looked up at him at the contact, breaking from staring at her magazine. He simply stared back as he proceeded slowly move his hand over hers, intertwine their fingers. The corners of her lips lifted ever so slightly as she held on to his hand just a little bit tighter.

He smiled in return, lopsided as usual. He was glad he seemed to have helped at least a little bit.

-o-o-o-

Just as it became seven hours since Nicole's father went into surgery, a nurse finally came out and told the family that he was doing fine and they'd be moving him to recovery any moment. He wouldn't be allowed to have visitors in recovery, but if he was doing well, then in a couple of more hours he'd probably be moved to another room and they could see him briefly then even though it would be long past visiting hours. The family decided they would continue to wait at the hospital until they could see Rob.

After hearing the news, Chase suggested to Nicole that they take a walk, escape the waiting room they had been in for a while and maybe get everyone something to eat. She agreed quickly, feeling the need to leave the room, get some space for a while.

They strolled down one of the large empty hallways slowly.

"Nice hospital," Chase commented. It was huge and seemed as if there was hardly any people in it. The hallway they were currently walking down was on the fourth floor- the same as the waiting room and cardio wing they had been in all day- and it had high ceilings with one wall with offices to their left, a wall of windows overlooking the landscape to their right.

"Yeah," Nicole agreed stoically, "It just popped up in between visits home. One time I was here and there was nothing but farmland out here. The next time, a giant hospital had appeared. I guess it's good though, that there's a hospital out in the country closer to us. Lucky."

"Must have been fate," Chase said softly. Nicole stopped walking beside him and looked at him. He elaborated, stopping with her, "Fate must have made sure a hospital was built out here so that your dad would be near one and could be saved- like he has been, like he will be."

"Fate, huh?" She asked feeling the tears begin to prickle beneath her eyes.

"Yep," Chase confirmed sounding confident, "fate always makes everything the way it's meant to be."

Nicole wanted to believe that. Part of her thought that Chase had a point about it being fate that made a hospital being built close enough to their house on the outskirts of town that allowed for her dad to get medical attention quicker, and therefore be okay. But, while she could believe that that was fate making things right, thinking about her and Chase, she couldn't have as much faith in fate as he did. Fate never fixed them. They were together now thanks to intervention on Dana's part and circumstance because in any other situation Dana's attempt at intervention probably wouldn't have worked.

Chase was here now though, and Nicole really wanted to focus on that. The problem she kept running into when her mind inevitably strayed to her and Chase throughout the day and now the night, was that she didn't know why Chase was really there. He had never said, and she didn't think it was the right time to ask.

Nicole crossed her arms across herself, hugging herself, as her and Chase walked on. She didn't want to keep her hands somewhere he could reach out and grab one because she didn't want to get used to something that may not last.

-o-o-o-

Finally, just after midnight, a nurse came into the waiting room and let the Bristow women know that Rob had just been moved, as his condition had proved stable since the surgery, and they could go in and see him briefly.

They were lead through a series of hallways and doors, which required the nurse to enter access codes just to get into. Before entering the final room, where Rob was, they all had to put on masks and gowns- to be on the safe side in trying to avoid post-op infections.

"He's not going to be awake for a while, but he's doing very well," the nurse assured as they entered the dimly lit room.

There, lying under the only small light source, was Nicole's father. Lying in the hospital bed, tubes and wires hooked up to him seemingly everywhere. The only sound in the room was the beep of the machine keeping track of his heartbeat and pulse. Then came the second sound, her mom and her sister crying. Nicole reached out and took each of their hands on either side of her and tried to hold back from shedding any tears herself. She recited a mantra in her head, "No matter how bad her dad looked, which he did look so weak, so…lifeless, he was going to be fine. She needed to be strong now for her mom and sister. No tears. No tears. No tears."

-o-o-o-

Chase stood up as soon as the Bristow women re-entered the waiting room. He noticed that Jill and Hannah and clearly been crying, but it seemed that Nicole hadn't. In fact, he couldn't remember Nicole crying since they got to the hospital. It worried him.

"Okay," Jill began, "Chase, can you take the girls home?"

"Of course," Chase responded immediately.

"Mom, I want to stay," both Nicole and Hannah said firmly.

"No," Jill denied, "I want you both to go home and get some rest. You can see your dad tomorrow and by then he'll probably be awake. If something happens, I'll let you know. But you are both going home and getting some sleep."

"You need to rest too," Nicole reminded her mom, concerned.

"I will. I ran in to Doris and she told me she can get me a bed somewhere around here for a while," Jill assured. She smiled at her daughters hoping to make them feel better and added, "Go home. Everything will be fine."

"Okay," Nicole agreed because she though Hannah should get some sleep too and she knew that as much as she wanted to stay, Hannah wouldn't go if she didn't. She picked up her things and gave her mom a hug goodbye as she said, "We'll be back first thing in the morning."

Jill would have preferred if her daughters got more sleep and didn't come back first thing, but she knew there would be no stopping them. She hugged Hannah good night and tried again to assure her that in the morning she'd be able to see her dad awake and well.

He seemed surprised by it, but Jill hugged Chase too. He had been such a great help and so supportive that she had to hug him and thank him again for taking care of her and her daughters.

Finally, Jill watched them all leave and found herself alone in the waiting room for the first time that day. She suddenly felt so empty. She left the room and decided to hunt down Doris so she wouldn't have to think about the whole day for just a little while.

-o-o-o-

"Do you want me to sleep in your room with you? Or do you want to sleep out in the family room on the couches? I could make us some tea, if you think that will help you sleep…" Nicole rambled on as they made their way from Chase's rental car into her house.

"No," Hannah cut her off, "I'll be fine on my own, in my own bed. I'm eighteen, you don't need to baby me."

"I'm not," Nicole denied, though she totally knew she was. She couldn't help it, it was her little sister. She suggested, doing it again, "Well, I'll make sure I'm extra quiet if you want to leave your door open and I could too if it makes you-"

"I'm fine," Hannah interrupted loudly, "I mean, I'm not fine. Dad's in the hospital. But, he's going to be alright and it's been a really long day so I think I'm going to be able to sleep fine on my own, without doing anything special to do so." Knowing that her sister was just concerned and cared about her she added, "But, thank you for the offers. If I change my mind and want to take you up on any of them, I'll let you know."

Hannah hugged Nicole goodnight and went to her room. Nicole plopped down on the couch exhausted.

"I think that's the most I've heard her say all day," Chase commented, dropping his and Nicole's bags by the door, not yet sure where to put them.

"Yeah, today's been really hard on her because she hasn't been getting along with my dad," Nicole explained.

"Why?" Chase asked and was about to retract the question because it wasn't really any of his business when Nicole responded.

She continued, "She didn't want to go to college. She didn't want to get a job. She didn't really want to do anything. He told her that she had to either get a job or go to college or at the very least work for him at one of the juice stores because he didn't want her to completely waste her life, which she claimed that doing nothing wasn't that she was just waiting for inspiration as to what she should do. But she went to work for him at one of the stores and got involved with a guy she worked with, then another one, then another one and it turned out…well, lets just say a lot of people were involved at that store and my dad ended up without any staff for it because they all ended up quitting after a bunch of drama. He had to completely re-hire and re-train. On top of everything, she refused to go back to work for him or do anything else so there's been…tension between them ever since."

"Maybe things will be better now," Chase offered.

"I hope so," Nicole agreed. She got up from the couch with a yawn and grabbed her bag from by Chase and continued toward the hall as she said, "The guest room's not made up, but all the sheets and stuff are in the closet."

"Thanks," Chase said graciously as he picked up his bag and followed her down the hall. He hadn't actually been sure that they'd- that she'd- want him to stay there and he was fully prepared to put a bigger dent in his credit card bill by getting a room somewhere.

Ten minutes later, after Chase had made up the bed, he decided he should check on both girls before he could even think about sleeping. He passed by Hannah's door and found her light off and no sound coming from her room. He hoped that meant she was sleeping peacefully.

He saw that Nicole's door was open, but when he arrived there he saw that she was not in it. He found her in the kitchen washing out dishes that were in the sink.

"Hey," he said just to let her know he was in the room since she had her back toward the entrance he came in.

"I'm just…helping. I don't want my mom to come back tomorrow and have random normal cleaning tasks to deal with," Nicole said feeling the need to explain her actions.

"Okay," Chase said, figuring maybe this was just something she needed to do.

Once she was on the last dirty dish Nicole began scrubbing and rinsing it much slower, the realization that she didn't know what to do next hitting her.

Chase watched as Nicole washed the last dish. When it was clean for a full thirty seconds and she was still scrubbing at it he got worried and decided he couldn't just sit by and watch. He got up from the stool he was sitting on at the counter and walked around to her. He put his hand gently on her right wrist, which she had been holding the sponge in. "Nicole," he said softly, "I think that dish is clean. It's time to stop."

Nicole gently put the dish down that she was holding in her left hand and dropped the sponge from her right. In that moment she officially had nothing left to do but think of everything that the day had been, and she finally broke down. She let out a painful sob, hunching over the kitchen sink.

Chase turned her and wrapped his arms around her, hugging her to his chest as she cried.

She had only cried for less than a minute before she shot out of his grasp saying urgently, "I can't do this here. Hannah, I don't want her to see me like this, it'd only make her cry more."

"It's okay," Chase assured, "come on." He led her back to her bedroom and shut the door behind them. He continued, "There, problem solved. You shouldn't be trying to hold everything in. How about you just get comfortable and I'll be here if you need me? You can cry on my shoulder all you want, it's what I'm here for."

"But I've already started to get your shirt wet…and make-upy," Nicole said noticing his shirt since he was now a few steps away from her. And she felt bad about it too, it was a nice button up shirt- the kind she had always tried to talk him into buying.

"Ahh," Chase waving it off, "doesn't matter. You can completely ruin my shirt. Take scissors to it if you want to. As long as you feel better, in the end it doesn't matter."

Nicole nodded and sniffled. She could feel a new wave of tears coming on- and not just over her dad this time. She laid down on her bed and patted the space beside her to signal Chase to come on over. He did as she wished and laid down partially, with his back resting high on the stacked up pillows. She scooted over to rest her head on his chest and curled into him before she gave on to the deluge of tears that had been threatening to fall all day. He wrapped his arms around her and let her cry, just as he said he would.

-o-o-o-

**Saturday**

Chase woke up with the light of dawn lightly flooding into the room. They had both fallen asleep only a few hours earlier and he remembered how she had still been in his arms at the time.

This wasn't the first time he had woken up. The last time, they were both on their sides curled into each other, faces and hands and knees almost touching. This time, she was laying mostly on her back, only slightly on her side turned toward him. Her arm turned up resting between them, while he remained curled on his side toward her. He kept waking up like this to simply watch her sleep beside him, which was something he thought would only happen in his nightly dreams.

He studied her face. The lack of tension in her brow, the curvature of her mouth, which hinted at no frown now; she looked more peaceful now than she had been all day.

On top of seeming more relaxed, Chase also thought that she seemed so perfectly _Nicole._ So perfectly everything he wanted forever.

He couldn't resist the temptation to touch her, so he gently, slowly drug his finger tips from the inside of her elbow all the way up to her finger tips. He resisted the urge to hold her hand for fear of waking her from her serene sleep.

He decided as he watched her, he simply couldn't let her go again. This time, he was going to be confident and courageous. This time, he had to get the girl.

-o-o-o-

Nicole awoke to sunlight brightly filling her room. And Chase was beside her, his arm around her waist. It felt…right, just like she always thought it would. But she didn't know what Chase was really doing here or what he wanted or how he felt about her now or ever. She needed answers, but as she glanced at the clock and realized it was thirty minutes until visiting hours started at nine, she realized that now was not the time for them.

She slipped out of Chase's arm without waking him, grabbed some clothes, and headed for the shower.

When she got out of the shower her sister let her know how angry she was that she didn't get her up sooner and how they had to hurry up and get to the hospital.

While Hannah took a quick shower, Nicole went to the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee for Hannah and Chase. She put on the tea kettle for herself and began hunting through the cupboards for anything they could eat on the way to the hospital.

Chase had awoken to an empty bed, but noticing the time he understood why. He headed into the guest room, used that bathroom to quickly get showered and ready to leave so the girls weren't waiting on him.

He found Nicole in the kitchen, wet hair tied into a bun, jeans, boots, and sweater. He worried that going out in such cold weather with wet hair wouldn't be good for her health, but he refrained from voicing that thought since he knew she just wanted to get to the hospital and see her dad and not worry about drying her hair.

"Hey," Chase said, announcing his presence since Nicole had her head buried in a cupboard.

"Morning," she responded without stopping her search or looking at him. She found a box of cereal bars and took them out and placed them on the counter. She got out thermoses and filled three with the just ready coffee. She took out a fourth and filled it with hot water from the teakettle and added a few tea bags. She had yet to even look at Chase.

Chase noticed. "What's going on?" he asked, fearing the answer.

Her dad just had a heart attack and open-heart surgery, so Nicole realized there wasn't going to be a right time to talk to Chase. But right now, they were alone and that was something at least. She couldn't any longer resist asking, meeting his eyes for the first time all morning, "Why are you here Chase? Why did you come?"

What? Chase didn't know where her question was coming from. He had thought it was clear why he was there. He knew he had a lot to talk to her about, but this, he thought it was very obvious. "I'm here for you," he responded.

There were so many things she wanted to say in reply, but she absolutely didn't doubt that he was telling the truth because of the way he looked as she said it. Honest eyes. Everything she wanted to say, all the questions his response sparked in her mind, were cut off by her sister running into the room and grabbing a thermos as she said, "Come on, let's go." When Hannah got to the doorway to the house and realized no one was behind her- because Nicole and Chase were still caught in a staring contest in the kitchen- she yelled, "If you guys aren't out here in the next minute then I'm going to go persuade a ride out of the neighbors."

Nicole broke eye contact first, grabbing her thermos and the one for her mom, and the box of cereal bars. She went around the counter and grabbed her coat and purse she had left there as she said quietly, "The other thermos is for you."

Chase finally tore his eyes from following her and grabbed the thermos. He quickly jogged back down the hall to grab his coat and car keys before meeting the girls outside.

They rode to the hospital in silence. They'd have to continue their conversation some other time, some better time. For now, Chase would have to wonder why Nicole had to ask why he was there and Nicole would have to wonder what Chase meant when he said he was there for her.

-o-o-o-

As soon as they got to the hospital Jill informed her daughters that Rob wasn't awake yet. A nurse let her know that he had woken up and been informed about what happened over night, which was a very positive sign, but that he should be resting for a while longer.

Chase volunteered to make a breakfast run down to the cafeteria and barely juggled all the heavy trays of food he returned with- he elaborated on their orders a bit, just to make sure they were all eating enough.

Just before noon they were told that Rob was awake and they could go in and see him. Chase stayed in the waiting room because, again, he didn't feel it was at all his place to be with them.

Seeing Rob awake and alert felt like a weight had been lifted for each of the Bristow women. They spent an hour in his room with him before the nurse temporarily kicked them out for a check up.

When Nicole returned to the waiting room Chase was relieved to see that her smile had returned.

"How's he doing?" Chase asked immediately.

"Good. They've got him on morphine so he's feeling pretty alright. Of course he had already looked at the scar and he said it doesn't look that bad. I know he probably just said that for our sake, but I don't care, I'm just relieved he's still around to say anything at all," Nicole explained. Before Chase could respond in any way she asked, "Do you want to go for a walk or something? When they let us back in I think my mom should have some time alone with my dad. The first thing he did was tell her to come over and kiss him; he reached for her hand and didn't let it go until we had to leave."

"I'd love to go for a walk. Inside or outside?" Chase responded.

Nicole thought for a second. She could really use some fresh air after all the time over the past day and a half they had spend in the hospital. "Outside," she decided and reached for her coat.

Chase grabbed her coat first and helped her put it on before getting his own on. It was like an automatic gesture this time. Nicole wondered if that was good thing or a bad thing.

It was absolutely freezing outside. The ground was covered in snow and ice. Their breath came out in a fog and by the time they got to the end of the walk leading up to the hospital's main entrance it started to snow gently again. They put their hoods up and strolled the path the wound around the huge hospital.

They walked mostly in a fairly comfortable silence. Towards the back of the hospital, where parking lot was no longer beside them, but instead a blank stretch of ground that faded into the remaining part of the orchard that once covered the whole area where the hospital now was, Nicole couldn't hold back any longer- even if it wasn't really the right time. "Chase," she began, glancing up at him from beneath her hood, "what did you mean earlier when you said you came for me? Where do we stand? What do you want?"

Chase sighed. He'd been dreading this part. He knew what he wanted, he wanted Nicole. But he wasn't sure that that was something she wanted to hear right now. He wished they could just spend more time together and then maybe, if he was the guy he had been around her before, the one she had loved, she'd love him again. Right now though, he didn't think she could possibly feel the way about him that he still did about her, not after everything that had happened. And he really didn't want to confess how he felt and scare her off because maybe she was just willing to be friends now. He also didn't want to lose her again so he responded honestly, "I came here for you and I mean that in every way you want to take it. And…I wish we could just start over. There's so many things that I want to do differently with you."

"Me too," Nicole agreed, "But I don't want to try and start over. Some of my best memories ever are with you and I don't want to pretend they never happened so we can have a fresh start." Chase seemed disappointed by that, but Nicole wasn't finished yet. She wasn't ready to give up on them and she was glad to hear that Chase wasn't either. She suggested, "Maybe we can just try to forget about the bad things though. And…a year was a long time, a lot's changed, so maybe we should get to know each other again." If she was eighteen again, in this situation Nicole would have just told him she's in love with him and that she wanted to be with him forever. But she was almost twenty three and she had had her heart broken more times than she could count- mostly by him- and she just couldn't be that trusting anymore.

Chase was relieved that she wanted time just like he did. He hoped that while they got to know each other again, he could do whatever he had unknowingly done before to win her heart. "That's a great idea," he responded with a smile.

They continued their slow walk around the building and when they still have quite a walk ahead of them he reaches for her glove covered hand and takes it in his. He looks at her and smiles at her when he takes her hand and Nicole knows that it's not just a friend thing. He's finally giving her a sign she had hoped to see for so long.

-o-o-o-

Chase stood in front of the television in the corner of the waiting room hanging on the wall towards the ceiling flipping through the channels. Since he had been there it had consistently been on the Discovery Channel, but he couldn't take any more of it. He needed something with a story. He found Nickelodeon and episodes of _The Nanny_. He smiled.

"She was working in a bridal shop in Flushing, Queens, Til her boyfriend kicked her out in one of those crushing scenes," Nicole sang along, surprising Chase since she had just returned to the waiting room.

"Hey," he greeted, turning to face her and smiling even broader than when he found the familiar show.

"I'm going to be singing that song for the rest of the day now, just so you know. It's just one of those things that stays stuck in your head, for better or worse," she warned.

"It's alright, I'm sure I'll endure," Chase replied, knowing he would never tire of any part of her.

"That's good," she commented, "you'll need endurance. Especially since my dad wants to see you."

"Why?" Chase questioned worriedly. The man may have just had a heart attack and open-heart surgery, but Chase was still scared. Nicole was his daughter, and Chase had hurt her. He could only imagine what Rob would do and say.

"Don't know, but he said first of all, it's stupid that you're out here all by yourself, you should be in with us- which he's totally right about. Secondly, he wants to see you alone for a minute," Nicole answered. She wasn't sure why her dad wanted to see Chase alone, but she wasn't worried about it. Her dad did like to intimidate the guys in her life, but mostly just for fun and she figured he probably wasn't up to screwing around with Chase at the moment. Plus, Chase came for her and she told her dad that so she doubted he would try and bring up the past.

Chase hadn't moved from his place by the television so Nicole walked over to him, grabbed his hand, and tugged him out of the waiting room as she assured, "Come on. Everything will be fine."

Chase wasn't so sure.

-o-o-o-

"How you doing Mr. Bristow?" Chase asked a few feet from Rob's bedside. After Nicole had shoved Chase into the room, the rest of the family had left just as Rob wanted. He wised that at least a nurse would come in so they weren't totally alone.

"Didn't I already tell you to call me Rob?" Rob questioned.

"I…well…but," Chase stumbled.

"You didn't think that applied after what happened between you and my daughter, especially since it was your fault?" Rob asked knowingly.

"Yeah," Chase agreed quietly.

"Well, you hurt my daughter a lot and I can't forget that," Rob declared. Chase nodded in understanding and Rob could see how much he had been blaming himself, how guilty he felt. He added, "I can, however, remember how stupid loving someone can make you. And it means a lot that you're here. I'm glad you came for her. I'm glad someone is here taking care of my girls. And Chase, I'm actually even glad it's you because I know how much you care so I know you're going to do anything for her."

"Absolutely," Chase agreed, "I'd do anything for Nicole."

"That's admirable of you Chase and I appreciate you being here and everything they've told me you've been doing for them," Rob said sincerely. He sighed and asked, "Would you be willing to stay here for a while? Our families make my wife too crazy so there's no way she's going to call them for help. And I don't want Nicole to miss too much time in her teaching program, but I also know I have no chance of talking her into going home at least until I'm out of the hospital. I know you're still in school too, but will you stay an help them until then?"

"Yes," Chase responded immediately, "honestly, leaving never even crossed my mind."

Rob nodded, "Thank you. You're a good man Chase. You've made some really stupid mistakes, but you're a good man."

"Thank you sir," Chase responded gratefully. He couldn't believe Rob had anything even slightly nice to say to him or that he wanted him around at all after everything that had happened.

"Alright," Rob said looking a little more relieved than he had been when Chase walked in, "now that that's settled, can you go get the girls to come back in here? And in about an hour I'm going to need you to help me encourage them to leave. I want them to get extra sleep tonight to make up for the sleep I'm sure they didn't really get last night."

"No problem," Chase replied without hesitation and set off to carry out Rob's wishes.

-o-o-o-

Chase had managed to help Rob persuade the girls to leave the hospital two hours before visiting hours ended. Rob told them that he wanted them to get something to eat somewhere other than the hospital.

So, they went to a nearby restaurant and had a quick dinner before heading back to the Bristow's. Now, they had been back for two hours (now one hour after visiting hours had ended) and Chase felt the need to check in on everyone. He had been taking care of some necessary business, which mainly consisted of making phone calls. First was his parents, he had realized he should probably let them know that he had left the state. Then he called and updated Dana and Logan about what was going on. Finally, he called Professor Walsh, explained everything, and how he hoped he could get away with missing classes for a while because he wasn't sure when he'd be coming back. Professor Walsh promised that he'd do whatever he could, for as long as he could to help make sure Chase didn't get far enough behind in his classes to get incompletes in or fail all of them.

Now that all of that had been taken care of, Chase had nothing left to worry about except for the three women in the house.

He left the guest room and headed for Hannah's door, which was shut, but he could hear her talking quietly through the door and figured she must be on the phone with a friend. Not wanting to interrupt he sought Jill and found her in the kitchen with Nicole raiding their cupboards and reading food labels.

"Hey," he said, but neither woman was the least bit distracted from their task as they responded. Since they didn't volunteer an explanation and he couldn't guess what they were possibly doing he asked, "Is whatever you're doing something I can help you with?"

"We're trying to get rid of all the really fatty, unhealthy foods so Rob won't be tempted by them when he comes home," Jill explained, "and if you want to just pick a cupboard and start going through the stuff in it, it would certainly speed this up."

As Chase headed for a cupboard next to Nicole and opened it, Nicole warned, "Oh, but don't throw anything away yet. We wanted to go through the stuff that would be bad for his heart and possibly hide the stuff we don't really want to part with in mine and Hannah's room or something."

Chase went to work and did exactly what Nicole and her mom asked him to. He helped them sort through their piles of unhealthy food and took bags of stuff they wanted to get rid of out to their trashcans. Once he returned from emptying the trash the first thing Chase did was ask if there was anything else he could do, anything else any of them needed. It was automatic, doing anything for them because he was doing it for Nicole.

Jill, however, decided to try and follow her husband's wishes and get lots of rest and headed off to bed to attempt just that.

Nicole had been waiting for this time, alone with Chase. She wanted to do what her dad asked them to and get some sleep, but it had been a year and Chase had agreed to getting to know each other again and she really didn't want to wait to start.

"Well, I guess your mom doesn't need anything. And Hannah's been on the phone for hours now. Is there anything you want or need?" Chase asked concerned.

"Yes," Nicole responded immediately, "go get ready for bed and knock on my door in ten minutes. We have some catching up to do." With that she headed to her room to get ready for bed herself and left Chase without any chance to object, though she doubted that he would.

Chase didn't have absolutely any objection to Nicole's request and followed her down the hall promptly. He was concerned that if they started talking they could be up for hours and she really did need to sleep. But then again he really missed talking to her and he wanted to do anything she wanted and this was what she wanted.

He followed her directions and knocked on her door. She let him in quickly and sat down at the head of her bed and patted the spot next to her for Chase to join her. As soon as he did she laid down, trying to tell herself not to blush and failing miserably- she had just basically non-verbally asked Chase to come to bed with her. Chase followed her lead and laid down beside her. But it was a queen bed and there was space between them, unlike the previous night.

"So," Nicole began, "where should we start?"

"Let's start off with the basic stuff. How's school been?" Chase asked.

Nicole then divulged all the details of the teaching credential program she was in. She told him about the pointless summer classes, how boring observing could be, how wonderful her master teacher was, how difficult it had been to take over some of her master teacher's classes especially since the kids knew she was practically their age and that she wasn't technically a teacher. Then she told him about all the kids that had been giving her problems and all the kids she was already sure she would miss when the year ended. She told him everything she worried about concerning her chosen career path and everything she already loved about it.

Chase told Nicole all about how his final film had gotten him into the grad school program. He didn't tell her the film was about her, but he planned to. He told her about the movie over the summer and how Professor Walsh had become his mentor and how Max was the lead actor in the film and was actually good. He told her about helping to re-writing the script and the scene they had the most trouble with and how hard it had been to write something perfect for that pivotal moment. He told her how much he wanted her help for that. And then he told her how well classes had been going for him lately, how excited he was about his future in films and television, how he thought she could have been right years ago when she said he'd be great.

Eventually, the got to the more difficult topics.

"I had a dress," Nicole began, "and it was a really pretty dress. It fit me so well and it was just perfect. But it just hung there. Once I bought it I just put it on my closet door and didn't touch it again. I realized it two weeks later and I didn't want to do anything about it right away. I mean, calling off the engagement, that was a big decision. But in the end you were right when you said I'd be settling. I was. I thought, he smiles every time he sees me, he loves me, I should marry him. And I had forgotten that I didn't smile every time I saw him. So I called it off. It was awful. Noah, he believed in us. He really thought I was the one and he ended up hurt because I didn't figure it out sooner."

"It wasn't your fault. You just didn't know," Chase said, trying to make her feel less responsible because he really didn't think she was. He thought that she had truly believed, with all her heart, that marrying Noah was right.

Nicole, however, knew that she had always had huge doubts about her and Noah and she stubbornly ignored them for so long because she was so determined to move on from Chase. She sighed and responded, "That's nice of you to say Chase. But I broke his heart and he didn't deserve that. It could have been avoided if I hadn't been…so determined to find something easy, something that simply worked."

Silence settled over them. It was comfortable, just like they were. Sometime while they were talking Nicole had shifted and curled into Chase's side, his arm wrapped around her, and her head rested on his shoulder.

Finally, before Nicole could drift off to sleep, Chase volunteered, "I went to therapy."

"Why?" Nicole asked, though from Dana and Logan she had a pretty good idea, she wondered what he would tell her.

"Because I'm screwed up," he responded vaguely and with a self-deprecating chuckle.

"Is that how your therapist put it?" Nicole asked wryly.

"Nah," Chase denied and confessed, "he was pretty good actually. He helped me realize why I screw up so much. I let fear rule my life, even let it keep me from things I really wanted."

"Are you still in therapy?" Nicole questioned realizing she had never asked Dana and Logan whether or not he still was.

"No, I'm better now," Chase declared confidently because he wasn't going to let himself run ever again, not from Nicole. His fears of more or greater heartbreak weren't behind him, but he wasn't letting them control him any more.

"Good," Nicole proclaimed. She had more questions about what he meant by everything. But he was here and he was holding her and it was enough for now, she didn't need answers this instant. This moment, she simply wanted to enjoy.

-o-o-o-

**Sunday**

"I need to think of more things to do for my dad while he's here," Nicole stated thoughtfully as she and Chase moved through the cafeteria line. It was just the two of them so that Rob always had someone with him- Hannah and Jill had already gotten lunch.

"What do you mean?" Chase asked not understanding what she was thinking.

Nicole grabbed a pudding cup as she explained, "Well, it's great that they have DVD players in the rooms. I mean, I didn't think hospitals had those, this is a really nice one. But my dad isn't us. He can't watch TV and movies for days on end and think it's the best thing in the world. So, I was thinking, I need to think of other things to entertain him and keep his mind off of where he is and all around lift his spirits."

"Sounds good. Any ideas so far?" Chase posed as they sat down at an empty table.

"Nope, but I'm sure something will come to me," Nicole said optimistically.

"Well, let me know if there's anything I can do," Chase offered.

They dug into their lunches, but after five minutes of continued eating and no speaking on Nicole's part, Chase realized that she may have something else on her mind. He inquired, "Something bothering you?"

Nicole didn't really want to bring it up, but since it had occurred to her much earlier that morning it had been bugging her all day. Her eyes focused on her food, she said softly, "You haven't mentioned your flight or leaving or anything."

"I'm not going anywhere," Chase responded immediately, but added hastily, "unless you want me to of course."

"No," Nicole quickly squashed with a smile, "it'd be…good, if you stayed. Don't you have stuff you can't miss though?"

"Nope," Chase denied and smiled his crooked smile, "I'm right where I need to be."

Nicole believed that he truly thought that too. He seemed sincere and maybe believing in him would only break her heart again. But it was Chase, and it seemed that for her, it was simply impossible not to be hopelessly in love with him. She didn't respond though because the rational, cautious part of her brain reminded her of all the pain, and how they had agreed to their first step being to get back to the place they once were. They'd become best friends again, and then see what else happens.

-o-o-o-

Chase sat in a chair near the window in Rob's room, Jill in a chair near his bedside and Nicole and Hannah on a couch on the opposite side of the room.

Through the course of the day they had watched two movies and were now taking a break from that as Rob convinced Jill how detrimental to his health it could be should his brothers come at the moment and how absolutely unnecessary it was to tell her family at all. Jill was easily persuaded to at least wait to call her family until Rob was out of the hospital- especially her pushy sisters- but his brothers were all he had and she thought they should know.

Nicole listened to the conversation just barely. She needed to find some way to make this whole environment more pleasant. It had been a depressing and scary couple of days for her family and they were in desperate need of more cheering up than her dad's film choices of _Lethal Weapon I and II_ could possibly do.

She glanced over at Chase and an idea suddenly popped in her head. She should totally do a happy dance. Her happy dance could totally bring up the mood in the room, it was right there in its name, it was happy. So, Nicole got out her iTouch, turned the volume up all the way and started searching through songs. She found one, pressed play, put the iTouch down on her dad's bed and started dancing.

"We cut the legs off of our pants, threw our legs into the ocean," she sang along as she flailed around. She gestured for Hannah to join her, not really giving her a choice as she grabbed her hand and pulled her up from the couch.

Hannah joined in as was strongly suggested to her and even joined Nicole when she recognized the lyrics of the chorus singing, "And in the daylight we can hitch hike to Maine, I hope that someday I'll see without these frames, and in the daylight I don't pick up my phone, cause in the daylight anywhere feels like home."

The girls finished out the song joyously and Rob was laughing and smiling by the time they were done. They all clapped for Nicole and Hannah, who bowed grandly at the applause.

"And what was that?" Rob asked still smiling.

Nicole shrugged and responded smiling herself, "Felt like dancing."

Chase simply stared at her from the couch in awe. Exactly what he had just watched Nicole do was absolutely one of his favorite things about her, one of the things he wished he could be a lot more like. She was so spontaneous and fearless. She could throw herself into something completely without hesitation and he wished he had the heart to do that. But as he sat here now, watching her, knowing he loved her, he felt like he could be more like her, like her could take more risks, be bolder. Maybe he could do something like her very soon.

-o-o-o-

**Monday**

"Alright, so how is this going to work?" Chase asked as he and Nicole walked to his car in the hospital parking lot.

"Well first we're going to need to stop by the house. You have a video camera with you right?" She asked.

"Just because I'm a film geek does not mean that I have a camcorder on me at all times," Chase denied. Nicole, however, wasn't buying it. She simply raised her eyebrows and stared him down from the passenger seat. He caved and admitted, "I have one in my bag."

Once they got to Nicole's house she suggested, "I can just run in and get it."

"Sure," Chase agreed, "it's in my school bag along with tons of school stuff. I packed kind of hastily."

"Me too," Nicole agreed as she got out of the car. She was a step away from her front door when she turned back, jogged to the car, opened the door and asked remembering, "Am I looking for your big camera or your little one?"

"The little one I take everywhere. And grab one of the blank mini DV's that should be floating somewhere in my bag. Actually, I could just-" Chase began to offer as he realized digging through his messy bag to find a blank DV could be quite a task.

"Nope, I've got it," Nicole yelled over her shoulder as she raced into the house.

She found the camera easily enough since even Chase's small camera wasn't small- it wasn't a flip camera at least, but then again he was seeking good quality not small size. Of course he was still as disorganized as ever and she dug through all the small crap pooled at the bottom of his bag including half eaten cereal bars, balled up post-it notes, about twenty pens and pencils, and well over a dozen DV's. The first three she picked up were labeled with class titles. The fourth was labeled with her name. Would it be wrong to steal it? But, then again she had no way of watching it unless she put in Chase's camera and furthermore if he wanted to see it he would show it to her. She dropped it back in his bag and grabbed four more DV's, three of which were label-less.

As she was putting three of the four back in the bag something caught her eye. It was a DVD. She picked it up hoping it was some movie or TV show that may be an option to watch with her dad to help keep him entertained, but it wasn't. It had her name on it just like the DV. This time she was just too tempted. She resisted before because it was feisably difficult for her to be able to watch it in it's format. This, however, wasn't.

She and Chase were supposed to be doing something though so she couldn't waste time thinking about it now. She wanted the option of thinking about it later though so she simply grabbed his whole bag and put his camera back in it as she headed for the door.

As she climbed back in the car she explained, "There were so many DV's and I figured you'd know which ones were usable or not so I just grabbed the whole bag. Minus your books, I left those on the floor."

"That's fine," Chase assured, "so what's the plan and why do we need my camcorder for it?"

"Well, my dad would take our word for it if we tell him everything is fine at the stores, but I know he'll rest easier if he could see that that's true for himself so I thought that you could record or visits to the stores or parts of them at least and show it to him," Nicole explained.

"Yeah, I can do that. That's a great idea," he commended.

"Thanks," Nicole said gratefully with a smile, DVD and DV with her name on it momentarily forgotten.

When they got to the first store, Nicole realized that she didn't really know what she was doing. Sure, she worked at the juice stores sometimes over the summers, but she didn't really know what her dad meant by "make sure everything's okay." What did "okay" mean at a juice store. When they saw the manager she figured they could just ask him to tell them how things are going and she hoped it would be what her dad was looking for.

After the first store, Nicole played interviewer to the managers at the four other stores in town while Chase played cameraman. When they finished they headed straight back to the hospital. Nicole asked if Chase needed to transfer their footage to DVD, but he assured her that he could probably hook the camcorder up to the TV. Or at least he was going to try since he knew how much she wanted to get back to her dad.

Chase was able to successfully hook his camera up to the television with very little trouble and Rob really appreciated the detailed information they brought back for him. Nicole could tell he seemed more at ease.

It was only late afternoon so Chase and Nicole hung out with her parents and Hannah a while longer. Somehow, while flipping through the limited television channels and finding nothing on, Nicole had brought up Chase's movie that he had worked on with his professor.

"When do we get see it?" Rob asked genially.

"It comes out at the end of next summer, August, but I don't know if I'd recommend seeing it," Chase advised.

"Why?" Jill asked.

"Because he's a perfectionist with unrealistically high standards," Nicole jumped in.

Chase sighed, but didn't deny it, and corrected, "It's just not very good. And you," he directed to Nicole from across the room, "haven't seen it so it could very well be crappy like I've claimed and you don't know that it's not."

"One of your reasons for not liking it is because it has a montage," Nicole argued.

"And because the writing was crap," Chase added.

"You were one of the writers," Nicole reminded him and that fact alone convinced her that he had to be totally wrong about the writing being bad.

"Wait," Jill interrupted their debate, "what's wrong with a montage? In a romantic movie they're always cute and I thought that's what the movie is."

Chase groaned and Nicole explained, "Ah, now you've done it. He hates montages _especially_ in romantic movies."

"They're…" Chase spluttered for a moment, almost resisting his rant, but he couldn't, "A relationship is about moments, it's made up of them. And a montage just glosses over tons of them. I'm not completely and totally against them. There have been some good ones. But I hate the ones that are like the one in the movie my professor was behind. The moments in the montage were a mess of cliché's and so was the music playing during it."

"What was the song?" Hannah asked curiously.

" The Sweetest Thing' by U2," Chase answered with distaste.

"I love that song," Jill commented.

"I don't have anything against the song," Chase agreed, "but it didn't fit the film. It's just a cute, happy song. It didn't have anything to do with the characters or the storyline. And it's been used in tons of romantic movie montages."

"Makes sense," Rob said agreeing with Chase's logic.

Any further comments on Chase's odd, very specific anti-montage stance was cut off by a nurse poking her head into the room and asked to the room at large, "I'm sorry to disturb you, but is there a Hannah in here?"

"I'm Hannah," Hannah informed her from her place on the couch next to Nicole.

"There's someone here to see you," the nurse informed her and held the door open for her.

Hannah got up and went with the nurse. Jill and Nicole exchanged glances and delved in to speculation.

"Who do you think it is?" Jill questioned.

"Well it can't be Betsy or Taylor, they would have come in to see dad," Nicole reasoned.

"That's what I was thinking," Jill agreed. She asked, "Do you think it could be" and she mouthed since her back was thankfully towards her husband, "Jacob or Hunter or that other kid?"

Nicole's eyes widened and she suggested, "Let's go spy."

Jill didn't hesitate to leap from her seat and follow Nicole out the door.

"I'm confused," Chase admitted as he watched the door swing shut behind them.

"My guess is that it's a boy and they don't want me to know because they know that if it's any of a couple of certain boys I'd barely- if at all- be able to resist the urge to strangle them," Rob explained. Rob's heart monitor started to speed up and he glanced at it not really surprised.

Chase glanced at the machine beeping with increased regularity worriedly. "Maybe we should change the topic," Chase suggested.

"Sure," Rob agreed. "So, you said something about the song playing during a montage having to fit the person. What would you choose if the montage was about Nicole?"

Chase was tempted to lie. Say some song title that Rob would surely be unfamiliar with, but he had lived in denial and then fear for the longest time, and lying just wasn't the direction he wanted to go from there. He responded honestly, "There isn't a song that radiates as much joy or beauty as Nicole."

Rob almost smiled at that, it was an answer he could respect. Plus, he was glad that someone had recognized how wonderful his daughter really was. He had doubted that Noah noticed the same thing as Chase, or that he could say the same thing with such sincerity. He stated, not needing to ask for he was already certain of the answer, "You're in love with her."

"Yes," Chase confirmed hoping that it didn't make Rob's heart monitor go berserk to hear it.

"You plan on telling her?" Rob asked curiously. He had a feeling Nicole still didn't know, but he wanted to know where they stood now.

"Someday," Chase responded, managing a smile at the thought of finally telling her when the time was right.

Rob had a lot of questions for Chase. How do you plan on providing for my daughter if this whole film thing falls through? Is your family religious? If you got married where would you live? Would you move back to Kansas if that's what Nicole wants? But he refrained from asking any of them figuring it was impossible to pull off the intimidating father routine while lying in a hospital bed. "So," he began changing the topic, "you mentioned that there were some montages that you did like. What films were those in?"

"Actually," Chase drew out, avoiding Rob's eyes and blushing, "there's kind of only been one. It was of Nicole. I…made it."

Before Chase could respond, Jill and Nicole came in whispering to each other, but stopped when they noticed both men watching them.

"What have you guys been talking about?" Jill asked so her husband wouldn't ask what she had been talking to Nicole was about. There was no way she was telling him who showed up to see Hannah. If she did, she was pretty sure he'd have another heart attack.

"Chase was just telling me about a movie-or montage-he made about Nicole," Rob answered honestly. He didn't know that Chase never told Nicole, he had a feeling, but he didn't know. And besides, if he didn't bring it up now there was no way he'd get to see it, and he was curious about what the kid had made.

Chase looked alarmed, eyes wide, stopped breathing. It was adorable, but Nicole decided to put him out of his minor misery and asked, "Is that what that DVD with my name on it is in you bag?" To his furrowed brows she explained, "I found it when I was looking for your camera earlier."

"You have it with you?" Jill asked noticing his bag on the couch beside him. "Let's watch it," she said, not really asking.

"It was for school. A final project for graduation," Chase began trying to make it sound boring and not at all something they'd want to watch.

"But your final project for graduation was the film that got you into grad school," Nicole interrupted, remembering him saying that a couple of nights ago as they laid in her bed and talked.

"Yeah," Chase confirmed, holding her eyes with his, knowing she had realized that best film he had ever made was about her.

"I agree with mom, we have to watch it," Nicole declared. She didn't care if her parents were there, she was far too curious about it now.

Well, if Nicole was asking, he couldn't say no. Chase dug through his bag, found the DVD, and got up to put it in the player. He prefaced as he hit the close button and watched the disk disappear into the machine, "We could make anything we wanted, but ideally it was supposed to show everything we had learned as a film major. And to get into the grad program it needed to be fresh and creative. It was also supposed to be short, though mine was definitely shorter than most."

Nicole had settled onto the couch with her mom, Chase took the chair that had been moved toward the wall on the opposite side of the sofa so he could watch Nicole watch the film he made of her.

"Hi," Nicole said into the camera, a shot from one of their many video chats. It went slow motion as she smiled a smile that lit up her whole face. The screen cut to black and written across it, scrolled in white that turned to a bursting yellow, was, "Nicole."

"Why are you filming me?" Nicole asked the camera.

"Why not?" came Chase's voice.

"You're right," she played, "I'd be a fabulous subject for a film. I'm fun, I'm absolutely adorable, and I'm totally willing to ham it up for the camera. A movie about me would be fantastic."

"I agree," Chase responded.

She smiled at him over her shoulder as she continued to walk through the park they were in.

The screen faded to black, the words appeared: Audience, meet Nicole.

_sweet disposition_

"Sweet Disposition" by The Temper Traps began as Nicole appeared on the screen, sitting across her desk chair and talking animatedly as usual.

_never too soon_

_oh reckless abandon_

_like no one's_

_watching you_

Images of Nicole progressed at different paces. Chase had put together clips of her talking, singing, laughing, being essentially Nicole, from their video chats and other times he had had his handy camera with him and filmed her over the years.

_a moment, a love_

_a dream, a laugh_

_a kiss, a cry_

_our rights, our wrongs_

_a moment, a love_

_a dream, a laugh_

_a moment, a love_

_a dream, a laugh_

He had her blowing a kiss at the camera. He had her making funny faces. He had clips in slow motion, capturing just her eyes as they turned playful. He had the motion of her hand as it tucked hair behind her ear. He had her smile as it slowly spread across her face. He had her being lit up by sunset, his favorite way to remember her.

_just stay there_

_cause i'll be comin over_

_and while our bloods still young_

_it's so young_

_it runs_

_and we won't stop til it's over_

_won't stop to surrender_

He had her dancing, tons of her dancing. Dozens of locations and to a different beat every time, but somehow she seemed perfectly in time to the song Chase chose to play in the background.

_songs of desperation_

_I played them for you_

_a moment, a love_

_a dream, a laugh_

_a kiss, a cry_

_our rights, our wrongs_

_a moment, a love_

_a dream, a laugh_

_a moment, a love_

_a dream, a laugh_

And every so often, he'd have the moment where she was supposed to be listening to his class, the one where she held up a hastily made sign saying, "You love me."

_just stay there_

_cause i'll be comin over_

_and while our bloods still young_

_it's so young_

_it runs_

_and we won't stop til it's over_

_won't stop to surrender_

It continued for the whole four minutes of the song. Hundreds of flashes or slow motion stalls of Nicole. And towards the end Chase seemed to put every moment he had captured of her laughing on screen at once. Hundreds of tiny little moments where she was laughing with him.

_a moment, a love_

_a dream, a laugh_

_a kiss, a cry_

_our rights, our wrongs (won't stop til it's over)_

_a moment, a love_

_a dream, a laugh_

_a kiss, a cry_

_our rights, our wrongs(won't stop til it's over)_

_a moment, a love_

_a dream, a laugh_

_a kiss, a cry_

_our rights, our wrongs (won't stop til it's over)_

_a moment, a love_

_a dream, a laugh_

_a moment, a love_

_a moment, a love (won't stop to surrender)_

It ended with about ten full seconds on Nicole smiling and holding up her sign, "You love me." Then it faded to black again and read, "And you love her, right?" Another screen, "Then make her dream come true." This was followed by another screen and another question, "But what does Nicole want?"

What followed was the first conversation Nicole and Chase had over video chat about her grocery store songs. On screen Nicole burst into laughter hearing Chase sing the start of her cereal aisle song, and so did everyone in the room watching, Chase included. And then she asked him about the canned food aisle song, he denied he had ever sung it, she begged him to, he refused. What followed that initial conversation, was twenty fastly-played clips of her pleading with him again and again to sing the song. She tried to tempt him promising him something different every time.

"If you do it I'll make it my life's mission to make sure you meet… Matthew Perry," Nicole promised in one of the clips.

"Why Matthew Perry?" Chase asked, having absolutely no idea why she thought he would want that.

"I don't know," Nicole admitted, "he was the first person I thought of."

"That's really weird," Chase declared, "but there's still no way I would ever sing the canned food song in public. Not for anything."

That was the last line before the screen faded to black again. "I was wrong," the first black screen read. "For Nicole," read the second.

Realizing where the film was headed, Nicole let out an eep, followed by a few, "Oh my Gods." She inched forward further on the edge of the couch cushion.

Next, Chase appeared on screen for the first time, in a grocery store, standing in the center of the end of a canned food aisle, and wearing a top hat and holding a cane.

"Oh Hot Jolly Green Giant, come be my Hot Jolly Green Man," Chase began singing loudly and clearly.

Some people peaked around the corners of the aisle behind Chase.

He held up his hands and suddenly the aisle was filled with people, what appeared to be mostly grocery store employees and vagrants.

Chase remained at the forefront of the pack, left one hand in the air counting down, and when he got to one they all sang, "Oh Hot Jolly Green Giant, come be my Hot Jolly Green Man. I love your delicious huge simile, and your leafy tunic accentuates all the right features. By the way, where can I get a cool pair of leafy boots like yours? You make thunder thighs look sexy and eating vegetables too. You better not be eyeing that busty blonde mermaid on the Chicken of the Sea can, or the Contadina tomato sauce lady holding her perfectly ripe basket of tomatoes. Don't forget that you're my Hot Jolly Green Giant, mine, mine, mine. Because oh Hot Jolly Green Giant you're the lickable God of the canned food aisle. Your only competition is Popeye and with his deformed massive forearms, scrawny body, and complete lack of hair, he's no match for my Hot Jolly Green Giant. So oh Hot Jolly Green Giant, come be my Hot Jolly Green Man. Alright Hot Jolly Green Giant, let's head to the dairy department."

Chase had remembered every little part of Nicole's long canned food aisle song, and since it was so long, he had the whole group, led by him, doing a small dance routine too. At the start of the second line he led the group in every move he could remember from any movie. He had some Kevin Bacon _Footloose_ moves, some _Breakfast Club_ tribute, and he pulled from some classics like _Singing in the Rain._ There wasn't a lot of synchronization between Chase and most of the people behind him, but it almost looked intentional as they flowed down the aisle.

When they finished the song, it ended with Chase smiling at the screen, mass of people still behind him.

The screen faded to black and Chase got up to retrieve the DVD from the player.

There were a lot of things Nicole wanted to say. She wanted to ask him why he did that for her when they weren't even talking? Was it really for her in the way she thought it was? And so many other things, but as Chase had told her, he wasn't going anywhere so she'd have plenty of time for the more serious questions the video inspired later, when her parents weren't there and after she had time to think about exactly what she wanted to say. For now she settled on getting up from the couch and hugging him just as he finished putting the DVD back in its case. "Thank you," she breathed into his neck as she had buried her head in it.

There were a lot of things Chase wanted to say to Nicole, but in response he settled on a simple sincere, "Your welcome." He held Nicole tighter and reveled in how right it felt as he ignored where they were and who they were surrounded by.

Nicole let go first, but grabbed his hand and held it as she asked still beaming, "How did you get other people to sing the song too?"

"Sandwiches and alcohol," Chase started, "it was the middle of the night. I would have done it during the day time, but I didn't get the idea for any of it until about a day and a half until it was due so I kind of had to work all night and that meant filming that bit at the nearest twenty-four hour grocery store. The employees were willing to let me do anything if I bought them food and the…other people just wanted me to buy them a bottle of their choosing."

"That was quite a production," Rob complimented. "Would have been better if you could sing," he joked.

"I know," Chase agreed, "I never thought I had a good voice, but hearing it that loud and clear, it was truly awful. But it was for a good cause."

"And now I have to pay you a hundred dollars and find Matthew Perry and so many other things I promised," Nicole vowed.

"No you don't," Chase said turning her offer down, "I didn't do this to win any of the bets. I just did it for you so think of it like a gift."

"Best gift ever," Nicole declared still smiling at Chase.

"Chase, that was a lovely film," Jill praised as she stood up and came over to Chase, giving him a hug, "Thank you for letting us watch it." She sighed and addressed Nicole and Chase, "I need to ask you two to do something though, if you don't mind."

"Of course not," Chase agreed immediately.

"Yeah," Nicole concurred, "Anything you want. Did you want us to go pick up dinner for everyone?"

"No," Jill answered, "I don't want you kids eating in the hospital anymore. I do want you to go get yourselves dinner somewhere, but also, I would really appreciate it if you could stop by the house and bring in anything that's on the porch. While you were gone earlier some of the family found out about your dad and they agreed not to come here, but there's probably food and gifts and balloons and things piling up on the porch."

Chase agreed that they'd do as Jill wished immediately. Nicole did too, but she didn't think that her mom was telling the truth in why she wanted them to leave.

As Nicole and Chase said goodbye to Rob he commented, "Sorry your mother is kicking you guys out, but you know how she is. She likes to spend as much time alone with me as possible. It's just the price I pay for being irresistible."

"Yeah, that's why instead of staying and being with you as they leave, I'm actually going to walk them out," Jill deadpanned.

As soon as they got out the door Jill divulged her real reason for getting them out of the room, "Go find Hannah and find out what's going on with her. She's been gone a while. Make sure she's okay."

"Sure," Nicole agreed, "is there actually anything at the house though?"

"No," Jill responded honestly.

A thought occurred to Chase as he caught on to what was really going on, "Wait, wouldn't Rob know you were lying if he doesn't get any balloons from family members or cards or if there's not food from them in your refrigerator when you get home."

"Damn," Jill swore as she realized Chase was right. But as Chases' film ended she realized how long it had been since they had seen Hannah and she was worried. She didn't have time for the cleverest of covers.

"We'll fix it," Nicole promised.

Before going off and searching every place she could think of, Nicole simply texted her sister and demanded (she used all caps) to know where she was. Hannah was not intimidated by the text and simply replied that she was fine, she was with someone, and she'd be home soon.

Nicole had the strong urge to go out and search for Hannah anyway because she was her little sister, but she reminded herself that Hannah was eighteen- almost nineteen- and she could decide who she wanted to spend time with on her own. Just in case she forgot that, Nicole asked Chase to refuse her if she should ask him to go out looking for Hannah or if she asks to borrow his rental car.

They end up stopping at the nearest drug store on the way home so Nicole can pick up half a dozen get well soon cards, some balloons, flowers, and a package of oatmeal raisin cookies. When they get home, Nicole gets to work calling relatives to see what they'd like to have their name forged to and Chase gets to work on the actual forging by referencing old birthday and Christmas cards they've found stuffed at the bottoms of drawers.

Hannah gets home two minutes until nine, seven minutes before Jill. Nicole didn't have time to talk to Hannah in private about who she strongly believes her sister was off with all night, especially since Hannah snuck in the back door and neither Nicole nor Chase realized she was home until Jill got there.

They all go to bed early because they want to get to the hospital early again the next day- Rob's supposed to be evaluated again and if he's doing good his doctor may move up his release date from next Sunday to sometime before the weekend.

Before Nicole makes it to bed, where Chase is already waiting for her- spending the night together having become routine, one which they don't discuss- Jill pulled Nicole into the kitchen and asked in a hushed tone, "Why hasn't Chase slept in the guest bed?"

"What?" Nicole returned, playing dumb.

Jill rolled her eyes. Just because she was…well, she'd rather not discuss her age, but her daughters seemed to forget that she wasn't clueless. She explained, "The sheets from the closet were put on the bed, but they've never been used. The guest bed looks exactly the same every day so obviously Chase has been spending his nights somewhere else. I'm not mad, exactly. I know you're an adult and what you do in your own apartment is your business, but-"

"Mom," Nicole interrupted before she had to hear exactly how detailed her mom was going to get about this, "you're right, Chase hasn't been sleeping in the guest room. He's sleeping with me, but not _with_ me. We just became friends again and even after the video today I'm not going to go…do anything with him, especially with you upstairs and Hannah across the hall…gross. But I was upset the first night we were here and he stayed with me, made me feel better, and since then we've been staying up a bit talking and falling asleep together. It's completely innocent, I promise."

Jill let out a sigh of relief. "Good," she responded, "I don't care if you're an adult and I technically can't object, but that would have been weird. Just, be careful. He's really sweet and I know he never really meant to hurt you, but the fact remains that he did."

"Mom, I know," Nicole assured, "we're taking things slow. Or at least that's what we said. But you saw the video, he's being the guy I was- I am- in love with. And he's doing all the things I always wished he would. I haven't forgotten that he hurt me, but I know he's sorry and I believe he won't do it again."

"I don't think he will either," Jill agreed honestly. She thought Chase was a really good guy and she didn't think that she'd ever see anyone love her daughter so much. With as caring as he was, it was easy to forget his past transgressions, but she didn't want to see her daughter get hurt again, didn't want to believe Chase was even capable of it.

When Nicole finally got back to her room after her talk with her mom, Chase was already asleep. It looked like talking about the film he made of her, for her, would have to wait.

-o-o-o-

**Tuesday**

Nicole and Chase were awoken by the bright light of the sunrise- she forgot to close her blinds- to find themselves curled into each other on their sides, and holding hands. They both blushed when their eyes met as they noticed what position they were in, but they didn't let go of each other's hands. They smiled.

"So, the film," Nicole began, jumping on the chance she had wished she had the previous day. The thing was, she didn't know what exactly she wanted to say or ask. There were a lot of questions she could ask, but even though she thought he was giving her every sign she could ask for that they were on the road to more than just friendship this time, she was afraid of some of the possible answers those questions could incite. She settled on, "Why did your professor like it?"

Chase breathed a mental sigh of relief at the question. He was worried she'd ask him something like what it meant and this moment didn't seem big enough or good enough for him to finally tell her exactly how he felt. On second thought though, was there any better moment than waking up next to her? The rational part of Chase's brain luckily kicked in and reminded him that in about twenty minutes they'd need to get up to get ready to see her dad…in the hospital. Plus, though as he told her dad the previous day he was fully intent on not letting the fact that she was talking to him again, being his friend again, slip through his fingers. He was going to tell her how he really felt this time, but he also knew that she wanted and deserved- especially after everything they had been through to get to this friends-again place- a grand declaration of love and he didn't have the slightest idea what he was going to do yet. He hoped she didn't notice his pause as his thought strayed to their potential future and answered trying not to give anything away, "He said it was…honest. Just that that was rare, that level of complete honesty, and he liked that, respected it." Actually, his professor had said that the love just oozed from every moment of it and that made it irresistibly charming, but he'd tell her those specifics some other time hopefully.

"Thank you, for it," she responded quietly, glancing down at their joined hands instead of meeting his eyes.

He took a chance, reached out and gently brushed some hair off of her face as he tilted her head to meet his eyes again, "I'd do anything for you, you know."

She could have kissed him then. Just like she could have kissed him just after she saw the film. Just like she could have kissed him when he showed up at the airport. And she wanted to, so badly. But after everything they had been through, she needed him to make the first move, or at least meet him halfway. She had always been the girl who was more than willing to make the first move, but heartache had made her more cautious. She had already put herself out there- he knew how she had felt about him in the past and she was still in the dark about his past and present feelings.

Chase had thought that they had twenty minutes to be here alone like this, but suddenly they could hear Jill in the kitchen and Hannah yelling down the hall that she was out of conditioner and did they have any anywhere that she could use.

Nicole and Chase got up and got ready to head to the hospital. He spent a lot of the day holding her hand, just like he had done the entire time they'd been there she realized. It dawned on her that maybe she should trust the signs more because they were so consistent, she couldn't be imagining them like it felt she was before. And maybe that meant she wasn't as in the dark about his current feelings for her as she thought.

-o-o-o-

**Wednesday**

On Tuesday they found out that Rob was doing very well post-op and he was going to be released sometime Thursday. The doctor also warned them that laughter was bad for him at the moment with a healing wound from the open heart surgery, it was probably making him more sore than he should be. Rob had called that hogwash once the doctor left.

On Wednesday though, all paying closer attention, they all noticed him wince as they sat and watched an old episode of _Cheers_ with him. Soon after that, Chase asked to talk to Jill outside the room for a minute and Nicole was surprised when he didn't come back in. She figured he must be in the restroom or something. But then twenty minutes passed and he couldn't have been off making a food run because they just finished lunch. When she asked her mom where Chase went all she said was that he'd be back. She knew he was coming back because he was Chase and he wouldn't just leave completely like that. But it was the first time they had really been apart in five days, the first time she didn't know where he was or what he was doing, and it made her uneasy.

Chase returned after forty minutes with a bag full of DVD's. He took them out of the bag one-by-one and explained why he thought Rob would like each of them and how none of them were things that should make him laugh, but would still be enjoyable. He told Nicole later that the outing had taken him so long because he had to open up an account at the local Blockbuster to get the movies.

It turned out that Chase also happened to stumble upon something that Rob enjoyed. When he talked to Jill, Chase found out that one of the things Rob liked was crime shows, but rarely watched them anymore, instead either falling asleep watching whatever drama she was watching or playing poker on-line. So, one of the things Chase rented was the entire first season of _Cold Case_ and it turned out to be a very good thing that he rented the whole thing because out of everything Rob had liked it the best.

When they all left when visiting hours ended, Rob was still watching the _Cold Case_ DVD's only having made his way through one disk since he had to pause each episode so he wouldn't miss anything while Nicole and Jill debated who they thought committed the crime, both of them always trying to solve the crime before the episode ended.

As they walked down the hall of the hospital and Jill and Hannah rounded a corner before them, Nicole stopped Chase. He turned to face her wondering what was going on. She said, "Thank you for that," with a gesture back to her dad's room. Chase was going to respond that it was absolutely no problem, after all, TV and movies were more than kind of his thing. But his ability to talk was interrupted by Nicole standing on her tiptoes and placing a chase kiss on his cheek. Settling back on her feet, Nicole commented, "You've probably totally won over my dad more than any other guy now." With that she continued walking so they would catch up with her mom and sister before they got to the elevators.

Chase remained in the same spot. He lifted a hand to feel the spot on his face where she kissed him. As his senses came back to him he felt like rushing to her and spewing to her absolutely every thought he ever had about her, ever felt about her. He knew that if things kept continuing like they were- spending all day everyday with Nicole, being able to touch her, to see her smile, hear her laugh- he wasn't going to be able to wait for the perfect moment and the perfect prepared scenario. He'd end up telling her everything at some random moment unable to hold back anymore and he'd just have to hope that these few days were enough for her to feel the way for him again that she used to.

-o-o-o-

**Thursday**

Jill was the only one to go to the hospital on Thursday. Before she left she mandated that they would have a big fancy welcome home dinner and accomplishing that was Nicole, Hannah, and Chase's project for the day.

Rob was supposed to get home around noon, but at two in the afternoon Jill called her girls to let them know that the doctor hadn't been in to check on him again so that they could even begin the discharge.

With the house clean and prepared for Rob's homecoming and Nicole in the kitchen cooking dinner claiming she had everything under control, Chase decided to go to the mall with Hannah tagging along. Jill had stated that they should "dress" for dinner- which explained where Nicole got her dinner dress code thing- and in his rushed packing Chase hadn't randomly put anything better than jeans and sweatshirts or sweaters or t-shirts in his bag. Hannah offered to go with him so he wouldn't be stuck wondering around the mall forever and end up with clothes like he usually seemed to wear-, which she said with clear distaste.

After an hour and a half away, and approaching five in the evening, Chase returned to the Bristow residence with a laughing Hannah in tow. Nicole immediately perked up from rolling out her pie crust (a healthy one, she found a recipe on line). She saw Hannah head past the kitchen entrance and continue down the hall to her room while Chase came in the kitchen smiling with bags in his hands. As soon as she heard Hannah's door click shut she asked, "What did you do to get her in that good a of a mood? I don't think I've heard her laugh like that in months."

Chase shrugged and set down his bags. "I'm just delightful to be around," Chase joked, brushing the question off.

Nicole held up the rolling pin in her hand so it was in a weapon-like position and raised an eyebrow.

Chase caved and sat down as he whispered, "Okay, you can't let her know I told you. I don't even know how I managed to get her to trust me in the first place. I think I just got lucky that I was in the right place at the right time."

"I swear, my lips are sealed," Nicole hurriedly promised as she put the rolling pin down as she leaned across the counter towards Chase and made a gesture for him to get on with it already.

"Alright, so we were in the mall," he began, " and she was pointing out stores that she thought I should go to but that I would never actually buy anything in mostly because of how expensive they are- like Banana Republic. Then, this guy comes up to us. Tall, athletic, looked like he stepped right out of an ad for one of the stores she kept suggesting. He says, 'Hannah, hi.' She says, 'Hey.' Then she noticed me standing there and said, 'Jacob this is Chase, Nicole's friend, and Chase, Jacob, we used to work together.' And by the extreme awkwardness of the moment I guessed that he was one of the guys that…"

"He was," Nicole confirmed in a gasp, "he was the first of the three that she…had a relationship with."

"That's one way of putting it," Chase commented wryly, "and it wasn't three."

"She told you about it!" Nicole exclaimed. "But she hasn't talked to any of us about it. She's refused to."

"Well she ended up not having much of a choice," Chase defended, "because about twenty minutes later when we were coming out of the store where I found some pants, we ran into someone else."

"Hunter?" Nicole guessed. Chase nodded in confirmation, causing Nicole to burst out, "Shut up!"

"I know, what a coincidence?"

"Fate," Nicole corrected.

"Right, fate," Chase agreed, a certain twinkle in his eyes as he stared at her. "Anyway," he said getting back to the story, "Hunter came up- looks a lot different than Jacob, kind of sloppy and farmer-ish, longer hair, overall less male model-ish. He said, 'Hi. I'm so glad I ran into you. How's your dad? Good enough to come home earlier like you mentioned?' 'Yeah,' she responded, 'he's coming home any minute now actually.' Then he seemed like he had something else to say, but she rushed and said, 'And we have a few things to get before we can go back so we should really hurry.' She actually dragged me away, she's stronger than she looks, and added over her shoulder, 'See ya.'"

"Interesting," Nicole commented contemplatively.

"I know," Chase agreed, "and you know me, I love a good story. So I started asking all these questions, but I buttered her up a little first, took her to the food court and got her some soft serve and Orange Julius."

"And that was all it took for her to talk to you? Willingly?" Nicole asked in astonishment.

"Yep," Chase confirmed, but added, "she was kind of in a rough place though. I think she was desperate for anyone with an unbiased opinion."

That made sense to Nicole. Her parents couldn't exactly be impartial and, she hated to admit it, but her own drama of not having Chase around all year kind of made her oblivious to her sister's problems. She hadn't even realized it was that big of a deal until she came home for Christmas and noticed how different Hannah's personality was and by then she had been out of touch so long that Hannah wasn't about to talk to her about everything. Not for the first time or the last, she was beyond glad that Chase had come with her. She questioned, "Okay, so what's been going on with her then? And why the weirdness with that one guy?"

Chase launched into the story easily, "Alright, so that guy Jacob, she worked with him at first a lot because your dad gave her the morning shifts- she claims just because he knew she really didn't want them. And Jacob and another girl usually worked morning. She said Jacob was really hot and kind of just…if she was to list everything she wanted in a guy it would make up Jacob. So when he was interested, she was pretty happy about it. But then your dad changed her shift because the girl that usually worked with them-who apparently used to date Jacob- ratted her out and told your dad that when they didn't have any customers they'd go in the back and make out, which she said was true. So, she got the night shift…with Hunter. The guy that worked with them, Kyle, he usually didn't show up for work or he slept in the back and they would cover for him. Direct quote, 'Hunter's cool like that.' And she said he was fun to work with, it wasn't really like working when she was there with him. And he made her laugh and they'd talk, just talk, for hours."

"Ah," Nicole gasped, "And then one of the times she was having a great time with Hunter one thing led to another and she cheated on Jacob."

"No," Chase denied.

"No?" Nicole questioned. She thought she was on the right track.

"Nope," Chase restated, "Your dad found out Kyle was slacking on the job- your dad caught him out at a restaurant when he was supposed to be at work and when Hannah and Hunter were covering for him claiming he was indeed there. Kyle thought Hannah and Hunter ratted him out and that's how your dad found him and fired him on the spot. So, Kyle, having heard gossip that Hannah had been transferred shifts because your dad didn't like her activities with Jacob, claimed that Hannah had been doing the same thing with him, but then she switched to Hunter and he was really upset about that which is why he was avoiding work – and why Hunter and Hannah were covering for him, more alone time."

"But why would my dad believe Kyle over Hannah?" Nicole asked, fully believing that her father wasn't the sort to simply take some stranger's side over his own daughter's.

"Well, when your dad went to the shop to confront them about Kyle's lack of presence, he saw something that made him believe Kyle," Chase started, "She was still technically with Jacob- seeing him on the weekends- but they weren't exclusive as far as she knew. And then she was talking to Hunter as usual and asked about what he was really going to do- like was he saving money for college or saving money for some career or a place of his own or some kind of dream? He said that originally he was just looking for something to earn some money so his parents would get off his back. 'And now?' she asked. She said he looked at her and said, 'And now he found something worth getting up for every morning and going in to work for everyday.' He kissed her, and she did confirm that she did kiss him back, about a minute before your dad walked in and guess how he found them?"

"Oh," Nicole said in realization, "That explains why he didn't believe her about not being involved with three of the guys that worked for him."

"Yep," Chase agreed quickly and rushed on to what was his favorite part of the story, "but it doesn't end there because Hunter came to see her at the hospital and the whole weirdness today."

Chase paused so Nicole begged as she bounced on the balls of her feet, "Tell me, tell me."

"See, Jacob and Hunter got into some kind of confrontation after your dad fired them both and she didn't try to talk to either of them since then because she figured they both hated her," Chase explained, "except, Jacob started calling her after a couple of weeks and has been ever since. She snuck out with him a couple of times, but hasn't been able to see him much since your dad's practically had her on house arrest. And then Hunter came to the hospital the other day because he heard about your dad and wanted to make sure she's okay. As we know, she spent hours with him and they talked and he explained how he hadn't talked to her because he knew she chose Jacob- he'd seen them out together once not too long after they all got fired. But, with what happened with your dad, he realized he didn't want to lose her friendship and he's sorry for not talking to her."

"Aw," Nicole cooed.

"I know, it's pretty obvious how into her he is, and she said that things were awkward because she didn't know that she was 'choosing' Jacob when she started talking to/seeing him again and if she did know that, she may have done things differently. She knows that on paper Jacob is everything she wants. But, and I quote, 'Hunter is…Hunter,'" Chase said accounting every detail for Nicole. He knew how much she enjoyed a story too, after all, their friendship kind of fostered based on stories.

"She totally loves him too," Nicole said giddily.

"I think so," Chase agreed, "and she said that the problem was that Hunter only wanted to be friends now, but I told her that if there was a time that he wanted to be more than that, then he probably still did so she should end things with Jacob and follow her heart with Hunter and everything would work out." Chase, having decided that he was being brave now, didn't let his eyes stray from Nicole's as he spoke and held them even now when he was done.

Nicole knew Chase was right. Even after years of ups and downs, she still wanted to be more than friends with Chase. She hoped that she was right this time in thinking that he did too. "That, is great advice," Nicole complimented. Remembering why they were talking in the first place she added, "Is Hannah going to take it?"

Chase nodded, smiling lopsided, "Yeah, she called Jacob and broke up with him on the way back. She's going to try and sneak away to see Hunter after your dad goes to sleep- said she has to do that part in person."

"We'll cover for her," Nicole suggested.

"Absolutely, it's for a good cause," Chase agreed still smiling.

If he kept smiling at her like that, Nicole wasn't going to be able to resist taking things a lot faster than they agreed. She got back to work on rolling out the pie dough in front of her.

Chase simply watched Nicole work for a few minutes, absentmindedly picking at random food around him.

"What'd you end up getting?" Nicole asked curiously gesturing to the bags as she pulled an arm full of items from the refrigerator.

"Oh," Chase said jumping up and grabbing the bags, "I got some really good stuff."

"You know you didn't have to, right?" Nicole questioned, "I told you that my mom didn't mean you had to be all fancy for dinner and no matter what you wear it's not like you'd be kicked out of dinner- especially after everything you've done for all of us."

"Nah, it's no problem," Chase brushed off modestly. Before Nicole could continue on thanking him again, which really wasn't necessary because he'd do so much more than any of this for he, he continued quickly as he fished an item out of one of his bags, "I got the pants I mentioned, and I could really use more nice slacks anyway. And I got another button up shirt, which I could also use a new one of those. And then I found this really cool dinner jacket!"

"A dinner jacket?" Nicole questioned as she checked on the potatoes roasting in the oven, her back to Chase.

"Yeah, see," he said holding it up like it was something to be proud of.

Nicole turned around and yes, she could indeed see. It was a dinner jacket. What could have possessed him to think that buying a dinner jacket was a good idea?

Nicole seemed confused and definitely wasn't praising its awesomeness like he thought she would so he asked, "What? You don't like it? Hannah thought it was a great idea."

Nicole winced and admitted, "She was lying to you. She was probably trying to screw with you. Which, yay!, she likes you enough to screw with you. You know she doesn't like a ton of people, so that's kind of a good thing. Except now…you own that."

"But," Chase spluttered, "Humphrey Bogart wore one just like this in _Casablanca."_

Nicole sighed, gave him a somewhat playful of a pitying look and countered, "But this isn't the 1940's."

"Vintage is cool," Chase argued.

Nicole rolled her eyes and offered honestly, "White is not your best color. It'd be much closer to one of your worst colors. And a dinner jacket like that is supposed to be worn with a tuxedo shirt, back tux tie, and black pants. Is that what you're planning on wearing?"

"No," Chase admitted realizing that she had a point. The pants he bought were indeed black, shirt he bought was a deep burgundy. But he tried the jacket on in the store and when he saw himself in the mirror, he swears it looked cool. He suggested as he began putting the jacket on, "Okay, so maybe it's not for right now. But maybe for a movie premier or something in the future because I swear I look good in this."

Nicole never really thought he'd look awful in it, she was of the mind that he always looked good. But she did think that it was a big fashion mistake and he could look better in something else. However, she gave him a chance and stopped seasoning the fish she was working on to really look at him in the jacket. Just as she suspected it wasn't horrible. Though the lapels of the jacket were totally messed up, they weren't laying smoothly at all.

She walked over to Chase wiping her hands on her apron. She stopped only inches from him (he stopped breathing). She scrutinized his jacket closely and "Hmm…"ed as she did so. "Your lapels are all screwy," she commented before beginning to smooth them out. Her hands were moving over them- over him- at a normal pace…at first.

Suddenly, pressing her palms to his chest just a bit more firmly, she could feel his heart racing through the fabric. She stopped moving her hands and realized she could feel his eyes staring down at her. She looked up.

She was right there, practically in his arms (if his hands hadn't been in his pockets). The moment had so many possibilities.

She ran her hands down the fabric again, slower this time, as she glanced down. She turned her eyes back up to him as her hands came to the end of his lapels. She smiled at him briefly, bit the corner of her lower lip.

Friendship and trying to slowly rebuild what they once had was forgotten on both their parts. And just as they were both about to lean forward and change everything forever, they heard a door slam open and Jill shout, "We're home!"

She smiled at him again, patted his lapels, and cleared her throat.

He glanced away and said, "I guess we should get out there."

"Yeah," Nicole agreed, scanning the kitchen to make sure she could leave everything for a minute without ruining any of the food. "But," she added, "you may want to take off the jacket before heading out into the snow so you don't get ruined. After all, you were right. It does look really good on you." She smiled at him before heading to the door to greet her dad.

He took the jacket off quickly and tossed it back in the bag as he hurried after her.

They sat across the dinning room table from each other at dinner both wearing frequent and wide smiles that had very little to do with the fact that Rob was having a smooth and successful recovery. Chase was certain that in that moment, she would have kissed him. Nicole had no doubt that he was going to kiss her. And, they both therefore knew that the willingness of the other person not only meant that they didn't want to leave things at being friends this time, but that they were both already anxious to break their agreement to take things slow and safe. Maybe it wouldn't be long after all.

-o-o-o-

"Seriously?" Chase questioned, "You want to start another movie _now_?"

"It's only eleven," Nicole responded and added teasingly, "wuss."

"Oh, it fells a lot later," Chase said realizing that he never went to bed this early. But considering the fact that he had been getting to spend his nights in the same bed as Nicole, it didn't surprise him that he was eager to get there.

"And we have to stay up anyway," Nicole reminded, "Hannah's not home yet and there's no way I'm going to bed until I know that she's back from sneaking off to see Hunter." She amended quieter, "And until she tells me everything."

Chase caught her add-on and said, "You may be waiting for a very long time for that one." Knowing that he wasn't going to change Nicole's mind about staying up, Chase relented, "Fine, put in _17 Again_, again."

"Yay!" Nicole exclaimed, "I just want to watch that first scene where Zach Effron's character runs after the girl. It's so sweet. Then I promise we can watch something else."

"It's fine, we'll watch it as many times as you want," Chase promised, "but I should really call Logan and Dana first. When I tried earlier I couldn't get a hold of them. I'll be quick though, lately every call get's cut off after a couple of minutes because Dana will feel sick again."

"Oh no, she's sick?" Nicole questioned concerned.

"Uh," Chase stalled. He assumed that Nicole knew Dana was pregnant. After all, when Dana had called him she told him hurriedly over the phone. He figured that when Nicole had called Dana before that she squeezed in the news as well. Was he supposed to tell her though? It was Dana's and Logan's news though so he stretched the truth as he responded, "Yeah, but she'll be fine. You should talk to them too."

"I know," Nicole agreed, "I can't believe I haven't called them all week. I've just completely forgotten and I know they must have been worried."

"They were, but that's why I called them. They understood that you had other things to worry about," Chase consoled. He got his phone out and hit the speed dial for Logan. After a couple of rings he greeted, "Hi."

Nicole couldn't hear whatever Logan was saying so she had to try and deduce the other half of the conversation by listening intently to Chase's side. Next he said, "Yeah, everything's fine here. Mr. Bristow came home from the hospital today. He's doing a lot better." Then, "Oh, everything's good then right?" Followed by, "That's great. How's she feeling?" And then, "That sucks. Well, does she want to talk to Nicole? Tell her what she told me the other day?" Then he simply said, "No."

Nicole felt distinctly out of the loop and she didn't like it. What was going on that she had missed? She had only been out of touch six days, what could have possibly happened for Dana and Logan to have a secret with Chase that she wasn't in on?

Chase put his phone on speakerphone and said, "Okay, it's on speaker and Nicole is here."

"Hey Nic, how are you? How's everyone holding up?" came Dana's concerned voice.

"I'm good, everyone's managing fine," Nicole responded, "but I'd be a lot better if you told me what's going on. It seems like there's something I don't know."

Dana sighed, "Yeah, I didn't want to tell you over the phone, but when I called Chase I was kind of forced into telling him, so it's only-"

"Just tell me already," Nicole begged interrupting.

"I'm pregnant," Dana blurted.

Nicole let out a loud squeal as she hopped up from the couch and began jumping up and down excitedly.

Jill came running down the stairs, followed by Rob slowly coming out of the guest room downstairs, which they had turned into a temporary bedroom for him- putting Chase in Nicole's room and Nicole supposedly sharing with her sister- as far as Rob knew, but Jill knew where all the kids actually were.

"What is going on?" Jill demanded since her daughter was screaming in the living room.

"I am so sorry," Nicole apologized to her parents, "I totally forgot where I was. I was just so excited because Dana just told me she's pregnant!" Nicole remembered the phone and quickly grabbed it as she said, "Oh, I was so excited I completely forgot to say congratulations. Tell Logan too. Is he there with you?"

"Yeah, I'm here. Thanks Nicole," Logan responded.

"Yes, thank you," Dana echoed, "Aunt Nicole."

Nicole squealed for a second again before realizing what she was doing and stopping.

"Go ahead," Rob said, he was already up again, he may as well let his daughter indulge in her excitement. "But, first," he walked closer to the phone in Nicole's hand and said, "Hi Logan and Dana, this is Rob, congratulations on the baby."

"From both of us," Jill quickly added.

"Thank you Rob and Jill," Dana responded for both of them, "and we hope you're doing better Rob."

"Thank you and for the lovely card- just got it today," Rob added as an afterthought.

"We'll leave you guys to catch up, goodnight," Jill said to everyone. She reached for her husband's hand and suggested, "Come on, let's get back to bed."

"You should be staying with me," they heard him begin what was now a familiar argument as they left the family room. Rob wanted Jill to stay with him. But the guest room bed was much smaller than theirs and she was afraid of rolling into him, hitting him, or kicking him in her sleep and hurting him so she had adamantly refused.

Logan and Dana talked to Nicole and Chase for twenty more minutes. Mostly Dana told Nicole everything about the pregnancy thus far. Then, as had become common any time she did anything, Dana was interrupted by a bout of nausea closely followed by actually getting sick. She hung up abruptly.

"Yep, that's how my calls to them have been ending all week," Chase said as they suddenly heard dial tone.

"Why?" Nicole questioned, "Dana's getting sick, but Logan's there too. He could just talk until Dana feels better."

"He goes with her. She told me anytime they're together, he follows her and hold's her hair, gets her a cold washcloth or something, every single time she get sick," Chase answered.

"Aw, that is so sweet," Nicole cooed.

"What is?" Hanna questioned as she came in the family room in her pajamas and plopped down in the Lazy-Boy recliner.

"I'm going to be an Aunt!" Nicole announced proudly, and not at all thinking about her word choice. She quickly added, nothing occurring to her about what she was saying to her sister, "And Chase is going to be an Uncle!"

"Uh," Hannah began, giving her sister a weird look, "nothing happened with Hunter I swear. I'm absolutely not pregnant. It's not even a possibility, I promise. And if Chase was going to be an uncle wouldn't you two have to be married? Is there something I'm missing?"

"No," Nicole answered immediately. She realized her mistake and corrected, "I didn't mean you. Our friends Dana and Logan are having a baby and since they don't have siblings and we're all so close, we're going to be like aunt and uncle to their kid. I didn't mean to say that you did anything with Hunter tonight."

"Oh, okay," Hannah said looking relieved as she relaxed into the chair.

Nicole only managed to resist for less than a minute before she blurted, "But what did happen tonight with Hunter?"

"First of all," Hannah began looking at Chase, "I knew you'd tell her." Chase simply shrugged. Hannah continued, "Second of all, not much really happened. I told him I want to be with him. He told me he wants to be with me. And that's it. We're together now."

"That's it?" Nicole questioned, "You both said what you want and now you're together? It was that simple?"

"Yes," Hannah confirmed. She mumbled, "You two should try it sometime."

Both Nicole and Chase heard what Hannah said, but it was easy enough to pretend that they didn't. For Chase, he didn't want to confront them right now because he was trying to come up with something better for telling her than sitting on her couch with her little sister three feet away. For Nicole, she was only pretending she didn't hear it because Chase was and she was not making the first move this time. She wasn't going to put herself out there, say what she wants, first, not without something more from Chase.

He was waiting for a moment, she was waiting for him, but time was running out.

-o-o-o-

**Friday**

"Daddy," Nicole whined.

"No," he cut her off, "no arguments. I know you've missed a lot of classes and I know you're not supposed to miss your student teaching for as long as you have so you're not staying. You've worked too hard for this I'm not letting you risk it to stay here with me. I have your mom and your sister here and I'll be fine," Rob assured.

"But Sunday is too soon. You've barely been home and you definitely can't go in to the stores yet. I could stay a few more days and go and check on everything for you again," Nicole offered trying to persuade her dad that she should stay longer.

"No," Rob denied. He sighed and tried a new tact, "It's not just your future you're risking by staying. You know Chase isn't leaving until you leave and I'm sure he has classes to return to too. You don't want him to get incompletes do you?"

Nicole knew her dad was right. Unless her entire family threw him out, Chase wasn't going to leave until she left. It was sweet of him. He was putting her first and she knew that if she stayed, she'd be putting her own needs first and definitely not his. She didn't want him to risk his future because he was being there for her. Her eyes softened and she responded, "Fine. I'll go home Sunday." She demanded as a compromise for actually leaving, "But I want to see you on video chat every day until your doctor proclaims that you are one hundred percent back to normal."

"Deal," Rob accepted easily. "Now go tell Chase the news that you two are packing up and heading out the day after tomorrow," Rob suggested as he hit play on the episode of _Cold Case_ he had paused when Nicole had come in to sit with him while Chase called his family.

-o-o-o-

"They really want you to go back? Already?" Chase asked thinking that Rob had just gotten home, how could they expect Nicole to leave already?

"Yep," Nicole affirmed, "my dad told me we had to go back and then on my way to tell you that, my mom told me that they didn't need us anymore."

"Wow, they really don't want you to miss your classes," Chase deduced.

"I know. Isn't it sweet of them?" Nicole gushed.

Chase was interrupted from responding as they heard Rob yell, "Jill, Jill, come in here."

Nicole glanced at Chase alarmed. He immediately took her hand as they stood up from her bed. Before they reached the door, Nicole's fears were quelled by easily hearing through her open door, "We forgot to dance last night. You were so concerned with me getting to bed early and resting that we forgot our Thursday dance."

"You shouldn't be dancing," they heard Jill admonish.

"Bull," Rob dismissed. There was some shuffling before they heard him say quieter, "Just one slow song."

Music began to play, The Flamingoes "I Only Have Eyes For You," and Jill caved, "Fine. Just one dance."

Still stopped a couple steps from Nicole's door way, Chase decided to do something he wouldn't have two or three years ago. He let go of Nicole's hand, walked to the door, and shut it. He turned around to see Nicole's brow wrinkled in confusion. He smiled, and walked back to her and asked, "Do you want to dance? I promise I won't step on your toes this time."

Nicole smiled and took his offered hand. Since he went right for putting his hands on her waist, she put her arms around his neck as she responded, "It's okay if you do. I'll just step on yours as payback."

They were in Nicole's room alone, the music faintly playing in the background, barely swaying to the song. It was different than the other times they danced. First of all it was only one of two times that they were alone and the last time Chase had been unintentionally wounding her the entire time in this very room. This time, he shut the door to have her all to himself and simply held her close.

Nicole leaned her head against his chest and closed her eyes. Just in case she was reading every sign wrong again, she wanted to remember this moment, this feeling. She wanted to remember how it felt to be close enough to him to feel his quickened heartbeat and the rise and fall of his chest and his arms completely wrapped around her.

Chase closed his eyes and concentrated on this moment. Having her in his arms, he knew that he couldn't wait anymore. He didn't want to wait for her anymore. If she was going to be his then he needed to know now and if she couldn't love him as she once had, then he needed to walk away now before he got his hopes too high. If he did have to give her up, if she didn't want to be with him, he would have to survive off of the perfection of this moment. He concentrated on the moment because he knew that it may be his last and it may therefore have to last forever in a memory of her.

_You are here_

_So am I_

_Maybe millions of people go by,_

_but they all disappear from view._

_And I Only Have Eyes For You._

The song ended and Chase opened his eyes. He stared down at Nicole with a small smile, gathered his courage- which was rather easy with her smiling up at him- and asked, "I know you'll want to spend time with your family tomorrow since it will be our last day here, but do you want to maybe do something, just the two of us?"

Nicole nodded vigorously at once. "Yes," she confirmed with a smile.

"Good," Chase responded with the smile of his that only seemed to be for her, "it's a date."

Nicole, never had a more difficult time resisting the urge to squeal. But for the promise of tomorrow, it was worth the challenge.

-o-o-o-

**Saturday**

At two in the afternoon, Chase left saying that he needed to run an errand. By three he was back with a picnic basket and two hot chocolates. He suggested that they could just hang out on Nicole's family's property, in the orchard.

They wove their way almost a mile into the apple orchard before finally finding an old picnic table Nicole swore she remembered was somewhere out their. The flaw in Chase's plan was that it was early March and snow and slush still lightly covered the ground. They sat down at the table, using the blankets Nicole brought to cover the still just barely damp bench and the rest to wrap around Nicole because a coat and a sweater were not enough in the thirty-degree weather. They spent over two hours just talking and picking at the snacks that Chase brought along; nothing but bare apple trees, snow, and silence surrounding them.

"How do you not find surfing YouTube depressing?" Chase questioned disbelievingly, "A bunch of people filming themselves so they can rub stranger's faces in their talent. You don't find that upsetting?"

"No," Nicole drew out, "how is that what you're getting out of YouTube? When I'm on YouTube, first of all I see tons of great clips of television shows that I'm trilled someone put together so I could watch them over and over again. Second of all, I don't care that I can't sing or play the guitar or anything else people show off doing on there, but I'm glad they entertained me with what they do so well and let me see it by putting it on YouTube in the first place."

Chase's brow furrowed, "I got lost somewhere in there. But I'm pretty sure that I still disagree with you and I think that people shouldn't be able to post a video of their talent because it makes those of us without talent feel bad."

"Since when do you not have any talent? Or did someone else make that video of me so well that it got him a summer job on a major motion picture, where he became a writer for it, and got into a prestigious film graduate program?" Nicole reminded with a smile.

"Right, that was me. Wow, I'm awesome," Chase joked.

Nicole laughed and Chase could help staring at her as she did. Sunset, he realized. They had been out there long enough that the sky was starting to turn shades of gold and orange and red.

Chase didn't know what he was doing. He knew he wanted to tell Nicole how he really felt soon, so it could be out there and he'd get to know if there was a possibility of them or if he should start working towards the impossible task of moving on. He felt like going home the next day was a deadline. Like if he didn't say something by then, then they would return to Los Angeles, to the way their lives had always been, to just being friends and him not ever saying anything. But despite all the time he spent trying to think of the perfect way to tell her, all the right things to say, the most meaningful moment, he couldn't come up with anything that felt completely right. So, he put his trust in fate, if him and Nicole were supposed to be together, if there was a moment that he was supposed to tell her, then fate would give him some sort of sign and he'd know everything was perfect. That was how it was supposed to work, right?

He had been waiting for over a week now though and getting on the plane the following day felt so pivotal. He noticed the brilliant sunset again and remembered the thought he had four years ago when he was first in this very orchard with Nicole at sunset. Chase realized, maybe the fact that he was with Nicole at all, that she had been willing to forgive him for his past jackassery, was the part fate played. Maybe everything else was up to him. Really, what was he waiting for? They were here now. It was just him and Nicole and the time of day that always made him think of her. And in reality, wasn't any moment he spent with her perfect? Why had he ever been waiting for something more than this?

Chase decided it then, he was going to tell her the truth about how he felt for her right now…as soon as he could talk. He really wanted to be with her, he did, but holy hell he had never been more nervous in his entire life. He took a few deep breaths trying to calm himself down.

Nicole noticed Chase's odd breathing and asked through a mumble caused by the animal cracker in her mouth, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Chase squeaked out. The high pitch of his voice sent Nicole's eyebrows raising suspiciously. He cleared his throat and forced himself to say, "There's something I need to tell you."

"Okay," Nicole agreed obliviously. She wiped the non-existent crumbs off of her hands and went to slide off the tabletop she had been sitting on so she'd be sitting on the bench next to Chase. However, as she put the palms of her hands on the worn wooden tabletop to attempt to move gracefully to the bench, she got a splinter in her hand. Immediately she exclaimed, "Oh sugar!" as she practically fell on to the bench beside Chase.

"What?" he asked instantly alarmed.

She held her hand up to see the sliver of wood sticking angrily in the heel of her hand. Her blanket, since she was no longer clutching it around her as she examined her hand, fell from her shoulders as she responded, "Stupid table gave me a splinter."

Chase reached into the basket on the ground next to him as he explained, "I think you're in luck. I used tape to label the thermoses coffee and hot chocolate and I'm pretty sure…ah-ha! See, I left the tape in the basket."

"Tape?" Nicole questioned as Chase took her hand from her.

"Yep. You've never heard of using tape to get a splinter out?" Chase asked as he ripped off a piece of tape.

"Nope," Nicole answered. The only way she knew to get a splinter out was tweezers, which she normally had in her make-up pouch in her purse, but she didn't bring her purse with her just to go to the orchard.

Chase gently smoothed the tape over the length of the splinter in Nicole's hand and remembered the time she burned her hand and how he had taken care of it then too.

Once he was certain the tape was secure, Chase asked as he grabbed the correct end of the tape, "Ready?"

"Yes," Nicole replied as she squeezed her eyes shut in preparation.

"Alright, one, two, three," Chase counted down and ripped the tape off quickly. Luckily, the splinter came with the tape just as it was supposed to.

Nicole opened her eyes slowly and glanced at her hand, but what she saw made her gaze return to her hand quickly as realized, "It's gone!"

"Told you tape works," Chase said with a gentle smile. He brushed his fingers over the edge of the patch of skin on her hand that was still red from the splinter. "Better now?" he asked.

This, Nicole realized, was definitely different than the last time she hurt her hand and he mended it. How she was affected by it wasn't different, but the way that he cared for her felt different somehow. Just as before though, the soft graze of his fingers on her hand made her stomach flip and her heart flutter and the ability to talk difficult. "Improving," she managed to utter softly.

His gaze met hers as his fingers stilled on her hand. He didn't know how the idea came to him, he was simply-as per usual- enchanted by her and he found himself raising her hand and giving her palm a tender kiss.

Heat flooded her cheeks instantly and Nicole had to look away- she didn't want to get caught blushing madly from a simple kiss on her hand.

She turned away immediately, which discouraged Chase, but he also noticed a bit of blush before she did, which was encouraging- making it a wash. He dared to ask again, "Better now?"

With it being so freezing outside, Nicole felt safe in turning back to him as she couldn't possibly still be flushed. She answered, "Much."

"Good," he smiled. He had been working up the courage to tell her the truth now and he hadn't forgotten that he was about to say something to her before the splinter. Now, still gently holding her hand in his, he felt like it was time he continued. "Back to what I need to tell you," he began. He didn't have a plan for what he was going to say or how he was going to say it so he got flustered. He started rambling, "You know, it's something I've wanted to say for a while, but I was an idiot and it's okay if it turns out that it's not something you want to hear. You can tell me the truth…you shouldn't feel obligated to respond in any certain way just because we're friends and you're nice. Just. I kind of just…since I can say it now, I really need to."

"Chase," Nicole interrupted. She caught on to his nervous rambling and now she was practically shaking with nerves. She had a feeling that what he was getting at was big. Possibly something she had been waiting for, for a really long time. She tried to hide her own anxiety by smiling and encouraging, "It's fine. Whatever you need to tell me, we'll still be friends and I won't do anything you just said not to. If our friendship can survive last year I'm positive that whatever you have to tell me won't even come close to ruining it."

"Okay," Chase responded, believing that Nicole was right that no matter how things went nothing would ruin their friendship again. He took a deep breath. Believing that things would be okay and figuring out what to say were two radically different things and the assurance of the first didn't make him feel any better about the second. He took another deep breath as his eyes darted around the orchard searching for help as to how to say what he needed to say. He noticed the light. He noticed how the light was hitting Nicole, and he found his words, "Do you remember the other time we were out here?"

"Yeah, when you spent New Years with us freshman year," Nicole recalled easily. She resisted the urge to try and figure out where his train of thought was headed because she knew she'd only drive herself crazy if she did. And besides, she had always liked surprises.

"There was something I thought," he began, "about you." He watched his hand as it fiddled with hers as he held it, unable to muster the courage to look at her at the moment. "I didn't know what it meant," he continued, "and I didn't know why I didn't tell you. I usually told you any thought that popped into my head. But…I don't know. It was different and I didn't realize why until…until it was way past when I should have and…" he trailed off. He didn't know where he was headed with this in the first place, the sunset just made him think of that memory and how he should have known at that moment that friendship wasn't all he wanted, needed, with her. "It was sunset," he said looking to her, "last time we were out here. I remember thinking that you are like the sunset. Warm and soft and radiant and making everything more beautiful. That was my thought exactly. It's the thought I have every time I see the sunset, I think of you, of how alike it is to you."

Nicole's forehead wrinkled in confusion. She didn't understand or even have any guesses about where he could be going with this. She asked, "Why didn't you just say that then? You've always said sweet stuff like that to me."

"I know," Chase agreed. He said thoughtfully, "But I think that was the first moment where I realized that, that's not the type of thing you say to someone you just want to be friends with. It's not even what you think about just a friend. And so I didn't say it, because on some level, I think I knew what it meant that I was thinking that about you and I was scared, even then."

"Scared?" Nicole questioned. Scared of losing their friendship? Scared because he didn't really think they were right for each other? Scared of her dad? A hundred questions raced through her mind. She couldn't help it. This seemed like it was either building up to be the worst moment of her life or the best and the thing was, she had no idea which way the moment was currently leaning.

"My last best friend that was a girl was Zoey and I spent five years thinking she was the love of my life. And then…it happened so fast, finding out she wasn't the one. I know you've always encouraged me to be positive about the future, but I was always kind of pretending to believe you about that and pretending that I had become more optimistic. Because, really, I didn't believe in the idea of me and someone else because if there was a me and someone else it would mean I'd have to put myself out there again, risk my world falling apart again, and that whole idea terrifies me," Chase confessed.

Nicole opened her mouth to say something, but Chase held up his free hand, making a stop motion, and asked, "I know you probably have no idea what I'm talking about, but there's not much more, I swear. Can I just finish?"

Nicole nodded. She wanted to know where this was heading. What she was going to say was exactly that. "What's your point Chase?" she was going to ask because she was dying to know whether or not this was going to turn out good or bad.

Chase took a deep breath and continued as he stared at their hands again, "That's why I've screwed up in the past. Because I've been so terrified. Part of me still is, but now, the other part of me knows that it's completely worth it."

Chase met Nicole's eyes again and turned a bit more so he was facing her more. "Nicole," he began. He paused searching for the perfect words. He smiled as he realized them and confessed, "You're my Pacey." His smile broadened at the sheer relief he felt to have said it out loud to her finally. He continued, "You're…you're my best friend and I started falling for you long before I knew I was. Seeing you smile makes my week, making you laugh makes my year. I'm miserable every minute I spend without you and I really don't want to spend anymore without you. I know what you said, about how you used to love me, and I know that after everything I don't deserve you to still feel that way about me. But will you give me a chance, give me time to try and make those feelings come back?"

"No," Nicole responded immediately. She couldn't believe this was happening. After all this time he was telling her she was his one right person in the world and that she had been for a long time. She smiled and elaborated, "I can't give you time to make those feelings come back because…they were never gone. I really wanted them to be for a long time, lied to myself constantly that they were, but they never were. You're my Pacey too."

"Really?" Chase questioned with a ridiculously big grin.

"Really," Nicole declared with an equally joyous smile.

They had seen enough romantic movies to know what came next. Chase leaned forward, Nicole met him halfway, and their lips collided in a kiss. It was soft, a bit shy, sweet. It was right.

When the sun was finally nearly set and light barely remained enough for them to find their way back, Nicole and Chase returned to her house. She was still holding his hand, she hadn't let go. Neither had he.

* * *

**A/N:** Whew! Took forever to get here, but they finally made it.

I hope you enjoyed the last part of the journey. And remember, the epilogue will be up…at some point.

Thank you for reading and please, please **REVIEW!**


	9. Epilogue

**A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who has read and reviewed!**

I spent longer fretting over the ending, worrying if it was exactly what I wanted, than I did actually writing it. After deciding I didn't have any more changes to make it took me a day longer to actually let it go. Somehow, finishing something like this always feels equally good as it does bad. But those of you reading have been so wonderful, and I know I can't hang on to anything forever, so I finally decided to post the very end and deem this story complete.

**For the last time…

* * *

**

**Heavy Hearts

* * *

**

**Epilogue**

On Thursday nights, Chase dances with Nicole.

On Saturday nights, Chase makes his mom's spaghetti recipe for them _and _buys Nicole flowers. They're still working on this one. Chase argued that Nicole should do the cooking and he should just be responsible for the flowers. Nicole argued that it's his mom's recipe and therefore she shouldn't be responsible for recreating it. And buying him flowers would just be weird of her. Ultimately, they're in the process of trying to come up with an alternative dish for the tradition, which could be her part in their Saturday night.

On the rest of the nights, they're still working on coming up with some smultzy tradition of their own. Something their kids can tell tales about one day.

Now, they were approaching three months as a couple and Chase was looking to move.

"I don't know about this," Chase said skeptically as they followed the realtor's car as she led them to the next place. "I mean," he explained, "this next one is only five blocks from Dana and Logan and I don't know if I want to be that close to them- especially as Dana gets even more pregnant and moody and hormonal."

"She's not that bad," Nicole defended.

Chase parked the car behind the realtors and turned to Nicole. He looked at her meaningfully.

"Fine," Nicole caved, "it turns out that the heavier she is the more…irritable she is. And she's already gained thirty pounds. I swear she must be having the world's biggest baby."

"Or twins," Chase suggested for the umpteenth time.

"The sonograms have proved that theory of yours wrong. She's just…huge," Nicole quickly added, "and don't tell her I said that."

"Of course not. She'd rip my head off just for being the messenger. I don't know how Logan deals with it. And I don't know why I'm even looking at this house. It's too close to their craziness," Chase repeated.

"First of all," Nicole said as she got out of the car, "Logan doesn't 'deal with it.' He doesn't even notice it. He's so in love with her. It's adorable, really. And second of all, so far, this is the only house that doesn't look like a trash heap from the outside so you may want to consider it despite the location."

"Those other houses were not trashy," Chase argued as they maid their way to slightly ajar front door. "They were just…work's in progress," Chase amended.

"That needed dozen's of years of work," Nicole muttered.

Chase was prevented from arguing by the realtor finding them.

"Oh, don't you just love it," she gushed as she gestured to the house widely as she walked from the living room to where they were in the entryway.

The realtor led them through the house giving them a grand tour of the tiny cottage like home. It was just over a mile and half from the beach, built nearly a century ago with updated appliances and fixtures. The inside had a Hampton's beachfront cottage vibe with soft blues and rich creams on the walls, crown molding on the high ceilings, dark hardwood floors, and white wainscoting and cabinetry throughout the small three-bedroom home.

After weaving their way through the whole house ending in the kitchen and the realtor had raved about the house's charm for a good ten minutes, Nicole squealed, "It's perfect! We'll take it!"

"Uh," Chase broke in immediately, "first, the price is a little steep and what do you mean "we?"

"You two obviously need some time," the realtor broke in, "browse, talk, I'll be outside returning some calls."

Once the realtor had left the room Nicole dove right in responding, "You can't take any of the other houses. I watched _Property Virgins _on HGTV all last Saturday and the other houses just won't do. They're horrible investments and this one is perfect."

"First of all, _Property Virgins_ is for people looking to buy a home. I was watching with you, remember? And I'm not buying. I'm only renting-" Chase retaliated.

"Which is why you can't take a 'handy-man's special'" Nicole interrupted, "because you are renting and that means you can't fix it up. So you have to get a house like this, already nice and not falling apart, because you're _renting_."

"I know," Chase agreed. He glanced around the kitchen and sighed, "I know this house is perfect, but I'm going to have to take one of the crappy ones. This is three hundred more a month than the maximum that I can afford."

"It wouldn't be if I lived with you, split the rent," Nicole suggested.

"What?" Chase asked completely thrown. They hadn't talked about anything like that before. After all, they'd only been _together _three months.

"I already practically live with you. I stay over almost every night. I don't even remember the last time I slept in my apartment," Nicole pointed out. She proposed again hopefully, "So, why not make it official? Let's move in here, together."

"We can't," Chase said running a hand through his hair. Really, he didn't mind the idea at all, but there was a problem. Given the look of confusion on Nicole's face she hadn't seem to realize it as he had, "Your dad would kill me for living with you. Right now you may stay with me a lot, but should your family show up you have a place of your own. And your dad was just told that he's back to being healthy enough to resume all past activities, which could totally include killing me."

"You're right," Nicole admitted with a sigh. She leaned on the kitchen island, drumming her fingers on the tile lightly, Chase pacing on the opposite side of the island. She suggested innocently, "He would kill you if we lived together…without being married."

Chase stopped. He turned. "Uh…" he managed to get out. Spluttering any further wasn't even an option. He was at a complete loss for words.

Nicole looked up and shrugged, playing nonchalant, "I mean, he couldn't be mad if we were married so…" she trailed off letting the suggestion linger.

"Uh, we've never, uh, talked about…this, before," Chase stumbled nervously, "You're not like, proposing or something right? I kind of thought you'd never do that, I mean, that you'd always want to be the one to be proposed to."

"I'm not proposing," Nicole broke in, "I'm just saying…it would…solve things. You'd get this house and my dad wouldn't be mad."

Resuming his pacing, Chase pointed out, "That doesn't seem like a good reason to get married."

Before she could stop herself, Nicole let slip in a mutter, "Well how about the fact that you've had a ring for over two months now."

"What?" Chase squeaked coming to a stop again.

"Whoops," Nicole cringed. She bit her lip. Chase turned to face her slowly. "Don't get mad okay?" she prefaced.

"Get mad about what?" Chase asked as he walked to stand directly in front of her across the island.

"I kind of talk to your mom," Nicole admitted, trying to smile, but the cringe still remaining so her expression was stuck somewhere between the two.

Calmly, Chase requested, "Explain."

"Well, remember when I used to call your house all summer?" Nicole asked.

"You mean summer before freshman year of college?" Chase answered, hoping he was wrong.

Nicole nodded, "I would call and she would answer and we'd get to talking- your mom is so nice- and then she started calling me to talk and it's kind of been consistent. She kind of talks to Logan, and Dana,….and Jerry, too."

"What? Why did no one tell me?" Chase demanded, shocked.

Nicole shrugged and defended weakly "I don't know, it never came up."

"She kind of e-mails us too," Nicole added honestly.

Chase shook his head disbelievingly. The thing was, knowing his mom, he really should have seen this coming. Getting back to the more important issue though, he checked, "And in one of your calls she told you about the ring?"

Nicole nodded and commented, "Your mom is kind of horrible with secrets. From the way she talked, she called me as soon as you left home over spring break."

Chase sighed, turned around and hopped up on the counter. He didn't feel like he had the strength to stand at the moment. Every idea, every plan, was ruined now. Not that he really had one, it had only been three months. But any possible surprise was officially no longer a possibility. Plus now Nicole knew that he got an engagement ring three weeks after they started dating and he didn't think that would scare her off- he was her Pacey after all- but he didn't think it said great things about him either.

Nicole came around the island and hopped up to sit beside him. "So," she began, trying to look on the positive side of things, "I guess I found out why you were so insistent on why you needed to go home over spring break instead of staying here with me."

"Yeah," Chase agreed softly. He played with a stray thread on the bottom hem of his shirt, but Nicole stopped him from that distraction by reaching over and taking his hand. He looked up and met her eyes. She smiled. He suddenly felt compelled to explain, "I wasn't…I just. Since there was a break and I had the opportunity to go home and get my grandma's ring, I just…I thought I should have it here, handy, for…whenever."

"Because you want to marry me," Nicole teased with a grand smile.

"Yes," Chase confirmed confidently with a smile.

"Then do it," Nicole encouraged.

"I thought you weren't proposing," Chase reminded.

"I'm not," Nicole maintained, "I want to be proposed to. I want something huge and not stolen from any movie or TV show and I want it to be super, super cheesy."

"Like," Chase said pondering, "I stand on the ledge of some building and threaten to jump if you don't agree to marry me."

"As romantic as threats of suicide are," Nicole began sarcastically, "no, that one won't work. It would be a very cheap way of doing it though."

"I don't think the ensuing arrest would be cheap exactly," Chase pointed out. Chase glanced away from Nicole and stared at his dangling feet as he got serious again, voicing a concern, "Are you sure about this though? I mean, it's not…too soon?"

"Probably," Nicole answered rationally. She smiled and continued honestly, ducking her head to try and catch Chase's eye again, "But I kind of don't care. At all. I already know you're my one right person. Why not just make it official?"

Chase smiled and leaned forward to kiss her. He still found the fact that he could kiss her any time he wanted the most remarkable and best thing of his life. His right hand gently cradled her head for the sweet, short kiss. He pulled away, his hand making it's way down to her hand to intertwine their fingers in the process. "I love you, you know?" he said smiling still, "It kind of worries me, but I don't see a problem with your logic. I know there are probably tons of reasons why we shouldn't, but I don't really care about any of them either."

"Really?" Nicole checked, holding back the squeal threatening to escape until she had confirmation that he was indeed saying that he wanted to marry her soon.

"Yeah," Chase confirmed, "I guess I should start working on that ridiculously cheesy proposal."

Nicole tackled Chase to the counter- she hadn't intended to be that forceful in her hug, but she was excited. She screamed a little, but stopped when she realized she was screaming into Chase's ear. She settled for kissing him instead. Nicole pulled away abruptly upon a thought occurring to her. She added to the requirements, "It has to be a surprise too."

"Oh, it will be," Chase promised confidently. "Come on," he said sitting up and taking her with him, "it's Thursday. How about we have our first Thursday dance in our house?"

"_Our_ house?" Nicole caught.

"Well," Chase drew out as he hopped down from the counter and offered his hand to Nicole to do so too, "it really shouldn't be for a little while, until everything is official at least. But, when I move right after graduation in a couple weeks, well, you could start moving in too. You have so much stuff it may make it a lot easier to do it slowly. And when everything is all moved in, eventually, I think this will be the perfect house for us to live in as newlyweds."

"I thought this house was too much though," Nicole said, repeating his words from earlier because she loved the house, but getting married was expensive and a house that was over budget- she wanted it all, but she didn't want to be stupid about it.

"We'll make it work," Chase promised. Still holding one of her hands from helping her off the counter, he took her other hand in his and explained, "I don't want the first place we live together to be somewhere you don't like or something you're settling for. I want it to be as perfect as possible, so I want you to have this house, because I know you love it."

Nicole sighed. It was sweet of him, but she wanted to be sure so argued, "But I love you more and if getting this house is going to be-"

"I promise," Chase interrupted, "everything will be fine." He didn't exactly know how they would pay for the house and a wedding eventually. But he figured both of their parents would help out with the wedding- his especially since they didn't have any other children that would ever be getting married. Plus, he was figuring what he could afford as rent by what he would be earning as, well, he wasn't sure what the position entailed exactly, but Professor Walsh had helped him get some kind of job at a studio that Professor Walsh was really excited about so he assumed it was pretty good. And he hadn't figured in any revenue he may get from the film he worked on with Walsh, which would be released in a few months with his name on it as a writer. Even if he got next to nothing for the movie and his pay was significantly less than he was expecting though, Chase knew he'd make it all work. For Nicole, he'd make it all perfect.

"Okay," Nicole relented, giving him a quick peck on the mouth as she swung her arms around his neck. "What should we dance to?" She asked, knowing they didn't have any music with them so they'd just have to make their own.

"Probably the only song we both know the complete lyrics to by heart without even trying," Chase reasoned as he slid his hands around her waist, holding her close.

Nicole smiled and jokingly began singing as she knew it wasn't the song he was talking about, "Oh Hot Jolly Green Giant-"

"No," Chase said as he placed a hand over her mouth to get her to stop quickly. "Not the can food aisle song," he denied, "I was talking about the other song we both know." He smiled and sang softly, "I can only give you love that lasts forever."

"And promise to be near each time you call," Nicole joined in loudly.

"And the only heart I own," they sang enthusiastically as Chase twirled them from the kitchen into the adjacent dinning room, "for you and you alone, that's all, that's all."

They danced through the whole house. Chase quickly waltzing them in and out of each room as they sang at the top of their lungs through their joyous laughter. They ended up in the living room at the front of the house. Chase slowed their pace down to a near stop as they came to the last line of the song. He sang softly and she copied his tone, "Say it's me you'll adore, for now and ever more, that's all, that's all."

Chase stopped the gentle swaying they had slowed down to and simply stood, holding Nicole tightly in his arms. It was perfect. His world was whole and good and right with her in it. And he realized, he didn't see the point in waiting anymore. Following the courage he found only months ago, the strength she brought out in him, as his eyes remained locked to hers and with emotion filling his voice he whispered a plea, "Marry me."

It wasn't super, super cheesy or huge or really that big of a surprise. It was sincere and sweet and _them_. It was perfect. Nicole eyes already started to water and her voice sounded just as teary as she answered with her biggest smile to date, "Yes."

He kissed her passionately and picked her up in his arms, lifting her feet off the ground because he knew how much she loved the scenes in movies and on TV where guys did that- like at the beginning of _17 Again_, which she was still making them watch over and over again.

Twenty minutes later after they had finally managed to pull themselves away from each other and Nicole wiped away all evidence of her happy tears, they left the house as they had finally remembered they needed to tell the realtor that they wanted it. When they got outside, however, there was no one in sight.

"Where'd she go?" Nicole asked looking around the block, searching for the realtor or her car.

"Uh," Chase answered, "I think she left. I kind of thought I heard someone come in when we were making out and…I think she may have decided to leave us be."

Rather than being embarrassed that the realtor obviously thought they were getting frisky in the house, Nicole simply responded, "Aw, that was so thoughtful of her."

Chase shook his head and smiled. He, was the shade of a tomato- he was sure. Nicole, had no qualms and was appreciative of the realtor's character. It was just so her. It was moments like this, when she was so essentially _her_, that he couldn't help falling for her even more.

"So, what do you want to do tonight?" Nicole asked as she took Chase's hand in hers.

"Hmm…." Chase pondered, "I don't know. What do you want to do?" He figured she already knew what she wanted and that was why she asked. He also figured that her answer would be to drive back to his place immediately so she could see, try on, and start wearing the ring if it even slightly fit.

Chase was partially right, Nicole had already thought of something she wanted to do. She suggested, "Let's watch tons of movies and episodes of TV shows with weddings in them to get ideas for our wedding."

"Sure," Chase agreed easily. A night watching stuff with Nicole had always sounded like a good idea to him. And after all, it was their longest tradition.

They started walking down the driveway to where Chase had parked on the street when Nicole suddenly came to a complete stop. She sniffed the air a bit, and realized, "We're near the beach. I totally forgot where this house was for like the last half hour." Before Chase could comment, Nicole's eyes widened as she got an idea that she immediately voiced, "We should totally go to the beach. I'll race you there."

Nicole was off in an instant running down the sidewalk.

"Uh," Chase began helplessly, more than a little startled- although her impulsiveness was one of the things he loved about Nicole. "It's _miles_," he yelled after her, stressing the distance, and not knowing that it wasn't as far as he thought.

Nicole simply glanced back and smiled. She yelled over her shoulder, "How many times have you told me that you're never going to let me go?" She joked, "What kind of fiancé are you? Letting me get away like this." She turned around and jogged backwards still smiling and waiting for what she was certain would come because she knew, without a doubt, that he loved her.

Chase sighed. He knew she was teasing and he knew that by letting her run the miles to the beach he wouldn't really be letting her go- he'd just be driving, meeting her there, and saving himself the physical strain. But now that he knew how amazing it was to really be with her, to love her and to be loved by her, he knew that there was absolutely no situation that he wouldn't go after her in ever. He wouldn't be the scared guy he once was. He didn't have any more fear, not with her.

Chase ran after Nicole.

He caught up to her by the time they reached the beach, both laughing and out of breath. Both, with light hearts- heavy hearts, forever in their past.

**The End

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**A/N: I hope you enjoyed reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. **

**And I hope that every time you're in a grocery store, down a certain aisle, or you see the Jolly Green Giant, you think of Nicole and Chase fondly and smile. **

**I'd love to know your thoughts on the end of the story- or the story as a whole if you have yet to review- so please do, one last time, REVIEW.**

**Thank you all again for reading!**

**-Sarah**


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